I hate my engagement and wedding ring

[tiredtimes100]

Just that really. Married for 5 years and still can't get over it. When he proposed it was beautiful because it was a ring that he proposed with but when I found out it barely had any diamond in it and was bought online it just made me feel shit. Like he didn't even bother making an effort to physically go in and have a look or ask me to go and look together (he wanted to surprise me).
My DSIL goes on about how much effort her husband went through to get her engagement/wedding and promise ring. I don't know if she says it to annoy me (it does) because it's sending out a message that 'my DH gave a shit yours didn't'. But that's not the issue. It's the fact that I don't want to wear it or even look at it anymore.

I like to say I'm normally grateful but I can't seem to get past this. I feel like it's ruined things such as me passing it on as an heirloom because it worthless. I know memories and love count for it etc. I love my DH but can't shake it off. I don't know if it's DSIL going on about hers has made me feel this way.

I've asked for an upgrade but I don't think it will happen for a while as we aren't in a position to spend money on a piece of jewellery and I guess sometimes I feel like it doesn't matter anymore.

Maybe I'm just being an idiot. I don't wear the rings anymore and it doesn't bother him because..why would it :(

Wow, how ungrateful are you?

I love my wedding ring for what it symbolises. I love the marriage so much that I would never be envious of another woman for her ring.
Mine is perfect.

I'm cringing for you. You asked for an 'upgrade'?! I bet your husband feels like absolute shit.

Is there anything else wrong with your marriage? Because if not, it's hard to understand why you care so much, tbh.

It seems you are equating the quality of your rings to the quality of your marriage. Why is this? Is it really just the rings you're dissatisfied with? I'm thinking not.

Blimey. 5 YEARS later and you still care? All rings are worthless. They are just bits of metal and stone in varying degrees. They aren’t important. It could fall down a drain and be gone forever and the world wouldn’t implode. You wouldn’t die. Care about more important things. The price of a ring just isn’t one of them.

I'm not a big fan of my engagement ring, my husband bought it online and in the sale but I will still happily wear it because he bought it with me in mind and it was something he liked enough to buy me.
I only wear my wedding ring now as my engagement ring scratches my baby's bum when I change his nappy but I wouldn't ever not wear my wedding ring.
I used to be jealous of other people's rings with bigger carats etc. but he bought what he could afford at the time and that's all that matters. I would never dream of asking him for an upgrade!
At the end of the day it's a piece of jewellery, to me the symbol of it is more important.

OP are you always so precious about cost over meaning?

Different strokes....my husband didn't get me a ring and I'm not bothered about it. The marriage itself is the important thing to me and him. However if this is still annoying you, it's important to you and that is what matters. I just wonder if everything is okay with your relationship as it seems an unusual thing to still be focused on? Feels as though you are judging him harshly.

It's a shame he didn't understand your views and wishes on this at the time, feels as though it's really important to you, maybe you need to tell him that more clearly and he needs to prioritise changing your ring? Communication is key here. Tell him how you feel about it and how the new ring needs to be and this is really important to you. Maybe time it to be replaced on a significant anniversary of your wedding (like 10 years) so there is time to save and you have something to look forward to.

Many will fail to see why this is holding you back OP, prepare for a battering.

Is there something else going on?

Because if you really think you DH doesn't give a shit about you, that's a very good reason to leave him. But if the only reason you think he doesn't give a shit about you is because the rings he bought you weren't bought in the way you wanted them to be and he didn't spend as much money on you as you wanted him to, that seems a bit bogus and like you maybe need to work on your own self-esteem and sense of agency.

So how's the rest of your relationship?

buy yourself one ... sorted 🌺

You are being ridiculous. My DH got my engagement ring from Amazon, I know what it cost and tbh I've always been glad he didn't wank a load of money on a ring that wouldn't hold any value long term! Money doesn't equate to love and I bet your poor DH feels like shit after you basically telling him what he gave you wasn't sufficient.

Is there anything right with your marriage?

How awful that you think this way about the ring, and saying that your Husband did not put any thought into it when buying it for you. Shallow thoughts indeed.

Surely you chose your own wedding rings? Ridiculous not to like or wear your wedding ring, as you should have chosen it. Fair enough if you don’t like your engagement ring, but asking for an upgrade is fucking rude.

Wow I can’t understand why diamonds are so important to you over the love your husband has for you !!! I got engaged with a blue topaz ring and then after the wedding I couldn’t wear the 2 rings together so dh bought me another engagement ring !!! 30 years later and rather a few extra pounds none of them fit me and I wear a silver ring which I actually prefer as we only bought the originals in gold as it was the done thing . So my choice is the cheapest of lot .

So, Get a divorce and find a man you will get you a nicer ring

Or you can not care? Is he cheap elsewhere?

As far as heirloom, you can pass something else as heirloom.

My husband proposed to me with a beautiful ring but it was not really my style for everyday wear. We did upgrade it together eventually. I still do wear the original ring from time to time.

If you really don't like it and don't want to broach it with your hubby just wear the wedding band and buy a nice dress ring for your right hand.

I would bring it up though. He probably won't be offended or bothered lots of people do not give that kind of thing that much time and thought.

Marriage is a blinkin long time and you look at your hands all day long.... especially when on computer. I look down at my ring and I love it. It isn't the one he originally gave me but we did choose it together. Also on the plus side we have two daughters so now they can each inherit a meaningful ring.

Can I just ask, what is the value of the ring compared with his monthly salary? I am just curious.

Gosh OP, you're being given a hard time here! I actually empathise. I had a similar experience and, like you, I was disappointed. We bought my engagement ring together, so I've only myself to blame for choosing it but it became obvious early on that DH was reluctant to buy a ring at all and virtually everything in every shop was more than he wanted to pay. It just took the shine off the experience completely, if you know what I mean (and pardon the pun!). I ended up "choosing" the cheapest one in the shop just to get the whole thing over with - and DH still grumbled about the cost! It was £24.

Since my wedding day 42 years ago, I've not worn my engagement ring again. I still have it somewhere in a box, along with my wedding ring, which I also no longer wear!