I hate my engagement and wedding ring

[tiredtimes100]

Just that really. Married for 5 years and still can't get over it. When he proposed it was beautiful because it was a ring that he proposed with but when I found out it barely had any diamond in it and was bought online it just made me feel shit. Like he didn't even bother making an effort to physically go in and have a look or ask me to go and look together (he wanted to surprise me).
My DSIL goes on about how much effort her husband went through to get her engagement/wedding and promise ring. I don't know if she says it to annoy me (it does) because it's sending out a message that 'my DH gave a shit yours didn't'. But that's not the issue. It's the fact that I don't want to wear it or even look at it anymore.

I like to say I'm normally grateful but I can't seem to get past this. I feel like it's ruined things such as me passing it on as an heirloom because it worthless. I know memories and love count for it etc. I love my DH but can't shake it off. I don't know if it's DSIL going on about hers has made me feel this way.

I've asked for an upgrade but I don't think it will happen for a while as we aren't in a position to spend money on a piece of jewellery and I guess sometimes I feel like it doesn't matter anymore.

Maybe I'm just being an idiot. I don't wear the rings anymore and it doesn't bother him because..why would it :(

I'm just glad I'm not your DH. You sound shallow and ungrateful.

Luckily my husband and I agreed that an engagement ring was a complete waste of money and diamonds are unethical.
He bought me a piano instead.

I chose my wedding ring. It was the thinnest, cheapest gold band in the shop. I also chose my engagement ring and the bloke was embarrassed by its cheapness. 20 years later they’re going to need replacing because arthritis has swollen my fingers. I’m gutted.

I've asked for an upgrade

Hopefully he'll ask for the same ...

Gosh some really horrible responses on here.

Just because rings don't matter to some people, it is obviously important to the OP. A bit of empathy would be nice.

I've been married 23 years and still love my engagement ring, we chose it together and I wear it all the time. I'd love it to be a family heirloom and passed down to my dds.

It's not about the size of the diamonds, it's something beautiful to represent the important time of getting engaged.

OP do you think maybe you could save up for an eternity ring? My dh bought me one when we were married 10 years, I wear it on my other hand.

My ring is very simple and was quite cheap - but when we got together we had no money and credit cards and big student overdrafts and loans. I genuinely don't care. A ring is jewellery and whilst now we could probably afford some thing more expensive, to me it demonstrates our priorities as a couple and also how much we have achieved as a couple after 22 years together.

Does it matter? Really? Surely your marriage is what counts, not the bling!

You'll hurt your dh's feelings, over a ring he chose for you, and for what? So you can show off something else. That's pretty shallow.

Why don't you start hinting at an eternity ring for your 10th wedding anniversary, which you choose.

I do get it. I was indifferent to my engagement ring and was quite disappointed and cross with myself that I really wasn’t happy with it. I had it reset and then I loved it. DH wasn’t bothered, he didn’t have any interest in rings so went with it. Shallow as I am I wanted as blingy as possible which is odd as i am actually really understated in other ways. We are all different

@fuschiamum Great idea.

I thought DH paid entirely too much for my ring. He has also been talked into buying me white gold and I don't like white gold. DH had said I liked yellow gold but he said the sales assistant was quite pushy, insisting everyone likes white gold and they have a great rhodium playing service .
As it didn't fit we both went back and I selected a cheaper, yellow gold ring. However, if he had bought me a ring, I had liked it and it fit then no chance in hell would I have moaned about it later finding out it wasn't worth as much as I hoped!

This is so odd!

I have a £3k ring that I don’t particularly like because it is too big and clunky. I would rather have had a saddle and a cheap ring. My wedding ring is perfect because we picked it together: simple, £300 band. However, i wear both because of what they symbolise.

I’m guessing there are other problems in your relationship for you to be feeling like this. Does your dh undervalue or neglect you in ways that are then embodied in the ring?

Each to their own is my view. I've been married a long time +20yrs. I lost my first ring and sold the second one and my platinum wedding ring to put towards our dream house years ago! I chose and bought myself a vintage diamond dress ring which I wear on my wedding ring finger. I adore it because it's so unusual.
If he really wouldn't be bothered, why not sell or part exchange your rings and get a ring you love?
Jewellery is there to be enjoyed.

Why don't you like your wedding ring? Surely you chose that or at least had some say?

https://www.gemsociety.org/article/are-diamonds-really-rare/#:~:text=MYTH%3A%20Diamonds%20are%20Rare&text=Other%20than%20that%2C%20they%20hold,among%20the%20most%20common%20gemss_.

^^ great article that puts diamonds in perspective!

MYTH: Diamonds are Rare

MYTH: Diamonds are the Most Valuable Gem

MYTH: Diamonds are Precious Stones

MYTH: Diamonds are the Most Brilliant Gemstone

MYTH: Diamonds Have More “Fire” Than any Other Gemstone

My engagement ring is in jewellery box and has been since I had the kids. Its really not important.

I have never owned either an engagement or a wedding ring. DH and I were very happily married for 10 years (together for 16 in total) until his untimely death at 36.
Your marriage is far more important than any daft crap on your finger.
And if you are seriously bothered about having “competitive ring wars” with your SIL, then you need to get a life.

My concern is you DID like it until your SIL started flaunting hers. That's the issue - what will she flaunt next and how will you feel about that? Don't be led around by the nose by your SIL.

It’s a ring. How’s your marriage? How does your husband treat you? Concentrate on those things, and stop comparing your rings to other people’s - that’s a route to misery.
A ring doesn’t make a marriage!

I disagree with lots of posters. If you are going to wear something every day, it's not wicked and shallow to want to love it!
Lots of couples initially buy what they can afford and then replace with better quality later on. You don't have to wear the same ring you got married with - it's about what it represents, the original ring isn't imbued with special powers!
Maybe your DH did put a lot of thought into it or maybe he just bought the first thing because for him it's not an important thing, just a ring. But you are allowed to feel differently.
I do think your SIL is a bitch though and banging on about her ring implies to me that she is feeling insecure about her marriage and is equating money spent with love, to reassure herself. You do need to stop letting her have such a grip on you.

I'm really curious about what your rings look like. If it's not outing, would you consider posting a picture?

I'm not mad keen on mine, but we bought it 26 years ago when DH was really poor and it was a lot of money to him at the time. So I wouldn't change it but I don't feel he need to always wear it (fat fingers also). Why not just buy yourself a fake eternity ring or suchlike one that you love (some great dupes around) and wear that with it or instead?

Oh OP the snipes are out today. Can you get a second hand one when you're a bit more flush? Even if you have to send him into the shop with your money.

When he proposed it was beautiful because it was a ring that he proposed with but when I found out it barely had any diamond in it and was bought online it just made me feel shit.

I would just keep reminding yourself of this - how happy you were when you first received it and why. It sounds like it's not even that you don't like the way it looks - you just found out later it wasn't as expensive as you thought? I think your DH got a pretty good deal in that case and I'd be pleased!

1. Why didn't you mention it at the time?
2. This is more about your husband not making the effort
3. Buy yourself a bridal set you like.

I have 2 bridal sets. My engagement ring from my husband is absolutely gorgeous and he took ages getting the right ring. My other engagement set is totally different style and I bought it as a consolation because our wedding was cancelled (we got married with 2 guests). I would feel more comfortable travelling with my non sentimental ring
I love diamonds and jewellery And will probably get another ring in a few years.

My engagement ring cost my ex husband 2k - it is now worth not even £200 now

I'm not a jewellery girl so no engagement ring here, and neither of us had ever bought jewellery before. We ordered our wedding rings from a little shop. When they came they had the product code etched inside. I hated them, got a refund and went to Argos instead, got even cheaper ones. I thought your post was going to be something like that.

You need to think about wising up, wee girl.