I hate my engagement and wedding ring

[tiredtimes100]

Just that really. Married for 5 years and still can't get over it. When he proposed it was beautiful because it was a ring that he proposed with but when I found out it barely had any diamond in it and was bought online it just made me feel shit. Like he didn't even bother making an effort to physically go in and have a look or ask me to go and look together (he wanted to surprise me).
My DSIL goes on about how much effort her husband went through to get her engagement/wedding and promise ring. I don't know if she says it to annoy me (it does) because it's sending out a message that 'my DH gave a shit yours didn't'. But that's not the issue. It's the fact that I don't want to wear it or even look at it anymore.

I like to say I'm normally grateful but I can't seem to get past this. I feel like it's ruined things such as me passing it on as an heirloom because it worthless. I know memories and love count for it etc. I love my DH but can't shake it off. I don't know if it's DSIL going on about hers has made me feel this way.

I've asked for an upgrade but I don't think it will happen for a while as we aren't in a position to spend money on a piece of jewellery and I guess sometimes I feel like it doesn't matter anymore.

Maybe I'm just being an idiot. I don't wear the rings anymore and it doesn't bother him because..why would it :(

If there's nothing wrong with your marriage now there soon will be if you continue this carry on. 'It barely had any diamond in it'.......... good grief. My engagement ring is a 2nd hand job with garnets and diamond chips you'd need a magnifying glass to see - I love it - it's never been off my finger in 24 years. And tbh I just don't go round looking at other women's engagement rings, certainly not with a view to guessing how much they cost. The advertising industry have done a real number haven't they.

What a pathetic thing to be upset about.

Could you have a local jeweller remake it to a different style, maybe add a new stone or two?

How much diamond has it got in it?!

If you loved it when you got it, what has actually changed-did you think it was diamond and its cubic zirconia?

If it’s bothering you (I know several people who have upgraded rings-either for bigger diamonds or gone for white metal over gold or platinum over white gold) then do it. Look at the jewellery quarter or second hand for good value.

my DH proposed on NYE with a plastic ring that came out of a cracker that evening nearly 20 years ago and I still have that little ring in a box. Getting engaged is about deciding to spend the rest of your lives together and the symbol of that is not that important really. The decision is the important thing.

It’s a ring. How’s your marriage? How does your husband treat you?

She says she loves her husband. He spoils her and gets her what she wants.
My sympathy is with the dh.

DH and I don't wear our rings. They're somewhere in a box. We bought them just to get married.

I know it's a tradition to wear both rings on one finger but it looks so tasteless.

My engagement ring and wedding ring are both very very cheap, but gosh I love them and wear them always. We talked about it getting new wedding rings but the one I have on now is the one that was put on my finger on our wedding day and I cannot imagine not wearing it. Heirlooms are not always about value, they are also about memory and significance.

When you have more money to spend have it remodelled with additional stones into something you like more; so it will still be the ring he chose but more to your taste.

My DH dosnt like wearing jewelry. His wedding ring cos £3 off Amazon, was used for the ceremony and is now a keyring. Do I care? No is my marriage any worse off for it? No

My engagement ring was plastic.

My wedding ring is from a high street jeweller.

I couldn't give less of a toss.

How is it tasteless to wear an engagement ring and a wedding ring on one finger?

My engagement ring from ExH was very expensive but it’s worth less than a quarter of its purchase price now. Diamonds are not that special at all and they’re certainly not ethical in the majority of cases. If you’re so bothered about an heirloom, buy a nice piece yourself.

If you don’t like them then you could chosen to be tactfully honest rather than ask for an ‘upgrade’. It’s that that makes you sound shallow.

I understand where you are coming from. My DH doesn't see the point on spending money on jewelry regardless if he could afford it or not. I too had an engagement ring I didn't like so after 20 years and for a big birthday I asked everyone for cash, traded in unworn gold including engagement ring, and bought a ring I did like. Dh wasn't bothered in the slightest.

You liked it until you found out the price and that it was bought online. That is snobbish.

If your dsil keeps going on and on about her ring so much, clearly their relationship is strained. Anyone who constantly brings up something so petty doesn't have a good relationship.

Also your ring is worthless anyway from the moment it's bought. All rings drop in value from when they are bought, except jewellery owned by royalty or maybe a celebrity perhaps. Even if he'd bought you are more expensive ring, it's worth half that the moment it's paid for.

Get over it or divorce him and find a man with more money to keep up with your snobbery. But you'll likely be replaced when someone with less wrinkles and firmer boobs comes along just so you know.

You don’t have a problem with your DH but probably an issue with your SIL winding you up!

And you want to change it, do but it would then be tainted the fact that you had to get this worked up first!!

@WhatifIfeellikeacat

I know it's a tradition to wear both rings on one finger but it looks so tasteless.

What’s tasteless about it!

@s285

You want to watch he doesn't upgrade you

Quite.

Jesus fucking Christ, you sound awful!

I too am intrigued by how it is "tasteless" to wear the rings next to each other?

I once went out with someone who knew exactly what they wanted in a ring.

Pear shaped large diamond on a gold band and it had to be amazing and expensive.

She loves nice things.

She even said she deserved to have a child at that hospital in London where all the celebs go.

She went back out with a guy who cheated on her with prostitutes because he bought her nice things like a Chanel hand bag.

I knew that she wasn’t right for me.

Being materialistic is incredibly ugly.

Vile in fact.

Look at the gesture behind the ring.

Look at all he does for you, the little things.

Stop looking at pound signs and measuring yourself against others.

Otherwise you are destined to be unhappy.

And he will find someone who appreciates him for him and not for what he can give financially.

I’m engaged with an eternity ring that was made for me and chosen my DP from an online vendor. I have no idea at the cost but I’m guess a couple of hundred pound. He did promise an engagement ring but I said no as I don’t need something expensive on my finger to prove his love for me. I just want him and our future life together.

I honestly think you need to question your motivation here. His money is your future family money, your kids future inheritance. That’s how I view it anyway. Why do I want to dig into family money to wear something fancy on my finger? It seems such a waste of time. I can only think you don’t feel fully secure in the relationship which is another issue altogether.

I’m always very suspicious of the women on social media who make a massive great show of gifts at Xmas/birthday etc. It’s as though their trying to prove to the world or themselves just how great their relationship is by how much their husband has spent on them. This makes me think they don’t feel cherished or loved day to day, otherwise why would you care!?

You're self centred enough to believe that your SIL loving the story behind her proposal and being proud of her DH is aimed at you. It isn't. How could she guess how mean spirited and weird your feelings towards your own engagement are?
Not everything is about you. The world owes you nothing. You can't afford a 'better' ring- get over it.

My wedding ring cost £30 from Argos, because it's all we could afford at the time. I love it because of what it symbolises