I hate my engagement and wedding ring

[tiredtimes100]

Just that really. Married for 5 years and still can't get over it. When he proposed it was beautiful because it was a ring that he proposed with but when I found out it barely had any diamond in it and was bought online it just made me feel shit. Like he didn't even bother making an effort to physically go in and have a look or ask me to go and look together (he wanted to surprise me).
My DSIL goes on about how much effort her husband went through to get her engagement/wedding and promise ring. I don't know if she says it to annoy me (it does) because it's sending out a message that 'my DH gave a shit yours didn't'. But that's not the issue. It's the fact that I don't want to wear it or even look at it anymore.

I like to say I'm normally grateful but I can't seem to get past this. I feel like it's ruined things such as me passing it on as an heirloom because it worthless. I know memories and love count for it etc. I love my DH but can't shake it off. I don't know if it's DSIL going on about hers has made me feel this way.

I've asked for an upgrade but I don't think it will happen for a while as we aren't in a position to spend money on a piece of jewellery and I guess sometimes I feel like it doesn't matter anymore.

Maybe I'm just being an idiot. I don't wear the rings anymore and it doesn't bother him because..why would it :(

There is nothing wrong with liking jewellery. It is not shallow and the OP,is not selfish nor a brat for feeling the way she does. Cheap rings do not a long term marriage make and expensive and/or well thought through rings that a person is happy with and still excited about does not mean a rocky relationship.

Some people - myself included now I've grown up and happy to admit it - do like to wear interesting and and attractive rings. There's nothing wrong with that. It doesn't say anything about our personalities other than one thing we are interested in.

It is also ok to not be interested in jewellery. It would be a boring world if we all liked the same thing.

What is wrong is the judgement of both the OP and her sister in law for being disappointed and for being excited respectively.

@Newmumatlast do you really think someone that put in 0 effort or sacrifice into such a sentimentally important jewelry is giving 100% effort in the marriage?

do you really think someone that put in 0 effort or sacrifice into such a sentimentally important jewelry

How do you know there was no effort or sacrifice in buying the jewellery?

My ring is a "diamonique" type of ring as when we got engaged we had no money. Do you know what it symbolises so much more to me because it is the thought not the amount of money that was spent. Even if we had the money now I wouldn't want £££ on a ring as it wouldn't be the same. Its what it symbolises to me not what it is or how much it cost.

@SoupDragon I guess I could be wrong but buying online sounds a bit like google x ring and click buy etc. Of course it could have gone down very differently and he could have spend ages looking a specific design that had some meaning to it etc

You’re going to get flamed but you know what. I think after 5 years you should be able to bring it up with him. Married for life is a long time and as much as I agree he bought you what he wanted you to have, I think you should be able to pick something you like and want. Although I think if you want it you should pay for it.

Honestly, you don't need to ask him for an 'upgrade' just get yourself one. Does it need to be expensive? I bought the exact kind of ring I wanted second hand for around a 5th of the price it would have cost new. I love it and wear and look at it everyday. My actual engagement ring mostly stays in my jewellery box. No comment on my marriage - I don't think my husband was particularly upset that I wanted to change it ten years on....

I love my engagement ring BUT I hate my wedding ring. By the time we’d got to sorting out the wedding rings it was low on the list and I didn’t realise quite how much DH’s would cost - so scrimped in mine

Gosh I don’t know why everyone is being so harsh, I would hate to have to wear something every day which I hated.

Disclaimer. I have not RTFT, sorry.
The bits of metal and stone I have are not worth a great deal of money.
Engagement ring was about 80 quid and really not anything like I'd have chosen at all. However, I wear it every day because of what it symbolises to me and have grown to love it for that.
Wedding ring cost slightly more and we choose those together, they're matching and I love that.
And I have a slim diamond band which isn't an eternity ring but fits in between the two and was an impromptu gift.
My fingers are starting to get a bit fat, I'm hoping I can still wear them for a while longer.

I have an engagement ring bought online. It's probably not a design l would have chosen but l love it because my DH chose it for me and saved a month's wages for it. 12 years ago that wasn't a lot of money but it was a lot to us. Who cares what snotty sil has got. If she is deliberately trying to wind you up, you are making her successful at it.

@Doyouavocado

Gosh I don’t know why everyone is being so harsh, I would hate to have to wear something every day which I hated.

But she didn't hate it until she found out it was "worthless." Until then it was "beautiful".

I don't have an engagement ring, we couldn't afford it. We weren't going to get wedding rings but my parents got burgled & were struggling to spend the last of the insurance money (they send you cheques for a limited range of shops, apparently). So they gifted it to us & we bought plain bands.

The fiancé didn’t like the ring he bought me initially. I was more than happy with it 🤷🏼‍♀️ It’s the thought which counts

@Bubblemonkey but surely if it the thought that counts it should be a ring carefully planned and researched that you are sure the person wearing it will like

[quote lovepickledlimes]@Bubblemonkey but surely if it the thought that counts it should be a ring carefully planned and researched that you are sure the person wearing it will like[/quote]
I do actually agree with this. "It's the thought that counts" isn't a valid sentiment if the gift wasn't purchased with thought, especially if it's expensive and/or has special significance.

OP if you want an heirloom piece you wanna get a AAAA 2.5ct tanzanite in 999 platinum, or 24 ct gold, whatever beat suits your skin tone.

Diamonds are common.

Ditto white gold.

Tell your SIL and thank me later.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting a ring you love but it’s nice that DH chose it himself. Why don’t you start saving Christmas, birthday money etc with a view to buying something you like. I didn’t get engaged but never really loved my wedding ring, even though I chose it (channel set diamonds) and 4 or 5 years later got a 5 stone eternity ring that I wear as my wedding ring. I got it from an online jeweller and it was much cheaper than I would have paid for similar quality in the shops. Try to let go of the negative feelings and look forward to choosing a new ring you love.

YANBU. At all.

@SoupDragon I think it's more that she found out he had put zero effort into it.

I've hardly ever worn my wedding or engagement rings, due to eczema but they don't fit now even if I could wear them

Sounds to me like you deserve each other.

Dh picked me my engagement ring, it was the perfect style though I would have chosen a slightly bigger stone, he told me I could change it but I loved that he had done it all as a surprise. Fast forward many years and for my 40th he asked what I would like and I said a diamond ring, this time I chose it and it’s the perfect ring for me, I wear it on my right hand as wouldn’t never part with my engagement ring,

I wear it on my right hand as wouldn’t never part with my engagement ring

Freudian slip?