I hate my engagement and wedding ring

[tiredtimes100]

Just that really. Married for 5 years and still can't get over it. When he proposed it was beautiful because it was a ring that he proposed with but when I found out it barely had any diamond in it and was bought online it just made me feel shit. Like he didn't even bother making an effort to physically go in and have a look or ask me to go and look together (he wanted to surprise me).
My DSIL goes on about how much effort her husband went through to get her engagement/wedding and promise ring. I don't know if she says it to annoy me (it does) because it's sending out a message that 'my DH gave a shit yours didn't'. But that's not the issue. It's the fact that I don't want to wear it or even look at it anymore.

I like to say I'm normally grateful but I can't seem to get past this. I feel like it's ruined things such as me passing it on as an heirloom because it worthless. I know memories and love count for it etc. I love my DH but can't shake it off. I don't know if it's DSIL going on about hers has made me feel this way.

I've asked for an upgrade but I don't think it will happen for a while as we aren't in a position to spend money on a piece of jewellery and I guess sometimes I feel like it doesn't matter anymore.

Maybe I'm just being an idiot. I don't wear the rings anymore and it doesn't bother him because..why would it :(

An earlier poster said how come you don’t like your wedding ring since you chose it. We went shopping for our wedding rings less than 3 weeks before the wedding - with Christmas and New Year before the big day. We wanted matching rings, but none we liked were available in the right sizes and because of the upcoming holiday the shops couldn’t order the correct size to arrive in time. We eventually had to settle for the only 2 that matched in the right sizes! Certainly not what we would have chosen. I seldom wear mine.

A wedding band is just that. It's not normally a really expensive piece. You were happy with your ring until your (I bet better off) sil started blabbing about hers. You say you can't afford a new ring just now. That should be the end of the story. What would you do with a new one? Wave it around in front of your sil? How shallow does that make you? Forget the engagement ring. Start saving up for an eternity ring if you're that bothered.

Ps. My engagement ring is a row of sapphires. Cost 70£ in the 80's. My husband was a student. I knew we couldn't afford much. No one has ever enquired about its value because that's not important. I have diamonds now but none of them will replace my sapphires.

@Walkingthedog46 that was me I think. I don’t love it as it’s a cheaper metal than the engagement ring - so worn together it looks yellowish. Also, it’s inset with very small diamonds which I liked at the time, but not so much now.

I do always wear my wedding ring - but tend to not often wear my engagement ring with it - which is a shame as I love my engagement ring.

I have sympathy, I'd hate to have to wear a ring that I didn't love tbh. Don't be guilt tripped into feeling that you're wrong for not liking it. You're the one who has to wear it. Get it replaced with something you're happy with.

@Iamthedevilinthedetail I agree that the financial cost of it is not what is important. It is the sentimental value and thought that went into the ring that is important.

It seems the OP is under the impress that no or little thought went into the selection of this ring that is supposed to be a symbol of their relationship.

I don’t currently wear my engagement or wedding rings because my arthritis makes my fingers swell up. I just tried to work out how long they’ve been in my jewellery box and I think it’s 9 months? Lockdown #1 caused a flare up that keeps niggling away.

I waited a long time for my DH to propose wasn’t sure we’d last because he didn’t seem to want to make us ‘paper’ official and I wanted marriage before children

I was absolutely delighted with the proposal BUT I was gutted with the ring he’d chosen. I knew he could afford a flashier one and tied myself up in knots wondering why he’d gone for the one he did. This stemmed from my friends and other family members having some proper blingy rings and at the time size = how much effort the partner put into it. I had friends - who are no longer friends - make comparisons between their 2ct rings and my 0.5ct one which fuelled the flames.

We’ve been married for 11, together 19, and I know the amount/size of the stones have nothing to do with how much he loves me.
Besides, right now even if I had a whopper of a ring it’d be sat unworn anyway!

@IJustWantSomeBees
@lovepickledlimes

lack of effort

These are really poor comments and the OP's comments just dont bare them out.

He could have easily scoured shops trying to find the ring he thought she likes and then went on line to find it cheaper.
Sadly for shops this is what alot of people actually do.
You get the same merchandise or better for a lot less money.
And you know what he was right. she did love the ring.

This has nothing to do with the ring , it has nothing to do with effort or where he bought it.
It is all about money and the fact that she thinks she should have something on her finger that costs more, ohh and one more thing is she is jealous of her SIL. All these things make the OP look awful and her attitude a disgrace.

You could have it remade using existing materials and add to those according to your budget or maybe buy a couple of those individual stacking rings are really pretty mixing gold and silver together as silver is much more affordable.

@Cheeseandwin5 did she love the ring for the ring though or was it only because she was under the impression he went through a great deal of effort.

My DH bought my engagement ring about 15 years ago , he put alot of thought into it but it had no input from me and is not a traditional design so although I appreciate the thought and effort I've never actually liked the ring. It also doesnt sit well with my wedding ring either, it would have required a jeweller to make a bespoke ring to fit.
My SIL humiliated me at a family event ( with my inlaws) a year after we married when she said she would never have married a man who had given her a ring like mine and made me feel rotten about the size of the diamonds aswell. Honestly this didnt help!! She rubbed her huge diamond solitaire ring in my face when she got engaged.
If you dont like the ring after 5 years , you wont like it in 10, 15 years either and its such an important piece of jewellry. I've spent years admiring other womens engagement rings, and feeling a bit fed up with mine.
When finances allow get a new ring , get something that makes you feel happy.

My rings are very cheap but beautiful ...id rather he spent the money on a honeymoon although admittedly i did choose the second engagement ring myself as we have different tastes.

What is it with women and diamondd...like we are chattels that can still be bought!

My engagement ring has a huge diamond in it that was a heirloom of my husbands family. It's worth money now, but will probably be only worth the sentimental value in a few years, thanks to developments in making "artificial" diamonds. Don't waste your money on diamonds!

*I wear it on my right hand as wouldn’t never part with my engagement ring

Freudian slip? wink*

No just auto correct!

@malificent7 in all fairness I think it was more of a way to make sure the cost of a wedding cancelation was covered should things not go to plan because of the groom as traditionally it's the bride's side that paid for the wedding.

My SIL humiliated me at a family event ( with my inlaws) a year after we married when she said she would never have married a man who had given her a ring like mine and made me feel rotten about the size of the diamonds aswell. Honestly this didnt help!! She rubbed her huge diamond solitaire ring in my face when she got engaged.

Your SIL is a Grade A bitch but something tells me you already know that

Mine is a very cheap Claddagh ring that's now crushed as I accidently stood on it. Don't love it, never did, but I DO love my DH and that's what matters. I've bought a couple of costume jewellery sets over the years to wear - whopping great solitaire and matching plain band in white metal (about £15 from M&S) and a blingy Princess Di set in yellow metal from a gift shop in Majorca (also about a tenner). I like how they look and couldn't give a shit about value or who knows the cost or history. Its just jewellery, a bit of sparkle on your hand ffs.