I'm not a very nice person

[Everly82]

Ok, that's not strictly true. I'm very friendly and polite, treat people equally, hold doors and smile at strangers. But...I'm often pleased when things go wrong for others (not major things like illness, but if they were to get a house that I would want to live in and it fell through, for example). My friend recently failed her driving test and I wasn't unhappy for her because I can't drive and she has made snide comments before. Next door's house is a tip which pleases me because it makes me feel better about my own and weirdly superior. My high school bully is now obese. Very satisfying.

Am I an arsehole? The reality is, I'm miserable and not where I want to be in life. Is this jealousy? I'm starting to dislike myself.

I think a lot of us are secretly a bit like this. I can be a right arsehole. Its driven by our insecurities and wanting to reassure ourselves we are good/best.

I bet you are nice in real life. It's just the nasty little dickhead part of your brain that does all this.

Dont beat yourself up op. If this is the worst of it your doing fine

You're pretty normal, don't worry :)
Sometimes I get a little faint flutter of excitement if someone tells me something bad has happened. I don't know why!!

Yes I can be like this too.
Have to be mindful of it. I do find I am more like to the more badly I feel about myself and what I survive. So it’s a reflection of how I feel about myself more than anything.

Yes, you are.

I’m terrible by your standards!!! I actually wish serious harm on people who’ve abused me.

I can't imagine feeling like that, I'd think you must be pretty unhappy?

I'm the same OP. Embrace it, and as long as you're not actually horrible to people, don't sweat it.

My confession: I had two babies who screamed their heads off from birth, never ever slept...it was hell, the first couple of years with both of them. When I hear someone else has a baby who sleeps well and is placid I secretly hope that changes 🤭

unreasonable that is.

I don't think what you feel matters as much as what you do.

I can identify with this. Seeing people do less well than me reassures me that I am doing all right, it's just a bit of insecurity. And I love if people have an untidy house, because mine is constantly in disarray!

I was also really happy when the girl who bullied me relentlessly through school's (I genuinely think I'd have had better GCSE results if I wasn't spending all my lessons wondering if she was gonna start picking on me and skipping classes to avoid her) husband cheated on her with another woman.

I could have written this! My so called best friend's wedding has been cancelled due to covid and I could t be happier! (Long history with her partner and I had to find out on Facebook that they were getting married)

My sister is in a shit relationship that I've helped her out of on more than 1 occasion (not violent ) makes me feel better about all the times she said mine would end up shit

My mum abandoned me when I was 10 now she's trying to force a relationship with me and my kids (they don't know who she is, yet she says she's an amazing gm) I feel happy that I have the power to control it now

I am a horrible bitch though, I spent far too long trying to please everyone at my own expense.

Now I'm all for the people who live in my house and fuck the rest of em 🖕🖕

To be perfectly honest, yes, you sound like a bit of an arsehole. How do you behave with that infomation, though? Do you keep your sanctimonious glee to yourself, or do you let it show?

@GlummyMcGlummerson snap! I wish the same sleep deprivation on them that I suffered

@NatureNeverRushes when I hear people have a baby that doesn't sleep well I'm secretly relieved 😬

I’m the same!

I’m particularly bad at the moment because my mat leave replacement is being given waaaaay more opportunities as a sweetener for covering my job, and it’s pissing me off!

I am a bit like this aswell possibly down to lack of self confidence, definitely don't think it makes you an arsehole. Try to do one nice thing a day that's what I say to myself!

I think it depends.

There’s a pretty nasty girl I know from school and her boyfriend cheats on her often but she stays with him just to “have a man” I’m pretty smug about this despite being single as she used to tell me I’d never get a boyfriend. I’ve had several and this is the only one she’s had.

Equally a couple of very sneering girls at school who think they’re quite superior I look at and think god you’re minger. It’s usually the ones who think being a size 8 is a personality trait, but really have quite unpleasant faces.

I’d never wish I’ll on someone I liked though and even at times I thought I might be jealous I’ve been genuinely happy for my friends.

Posted too soon!

So secretly I want him to do badly and for everyone to be like “thank god you’re back, we couldn’t live without you” in a years time

You sound unhappy, sometimes we have to let go of our anger, grudges, need to have the best house, etc.

These are hard times though, most people are not feeling very happy at the moment.

i think it's normal and part of human behaviour ultimately wanting to better yourself above everyone else. recognising it and keeping a lid on it is what counts

Sounds like jealously. Unfortunately, most people are like this.

Try focusing on improving your own life instead of focusing on others lives. Look at other people’s success as inspiration for yourself.

It’s called Schadenfreude and it’s extremely common. It’s natural to feel happy when a nasty person gets their comeuppance. Like when the baddie meets a sticky end in the last few scenes of the movie.

The key is that you are miserable, and so envy is taking the best of you.
You do need to find what makes you happy and go and get it! Easier said than done, I know!