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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel hacked off with the way my assistant spoke to me today?

336 replies

Maria53 · 05/11/2020 19:15

I was promoted from a junior position around lockdown time & 2 months ago an assistant was hired to help me with 2 specific projects/lighten the load.

I was asked to find brand ambassadors for an important client, something no one at the company has done before. Therefore even my boss has been asking my advice on how to do it as it is going very well.

The issue is that at the beginning I was told to cast the net far and wide, reaching out to many potential leads and see who came back. In the end too many came back when I didnt know if we would get anyone!

I've had to pick a few and havent replied to those who only expressed mild interest. My assistant raised it a few days ago, wanting to know why I had 'ghosted' the leads now it has only been a week since I spoke to them and I am still making my decisions. I explained this is all a learning curve for me to and we can look at putting a strategy in place for us and the wider team.

She replied again saying 'well I just think it is very bad practice'. That stopped me in my tracks because no colleague would speak to me like that or vice versa.

I am doing the jobs of 2 people now effectively and it is very hard doing everything. AIBU to not appreciate this and want to know how to handle it?

OP posts:

Original poster

Maria53 · 05/11/2020 19:16

Also the first time I have had an assistant so also new to that and trying my best

OP posts:

DollyPomPoms · 05/11/2020 19:18

I would say that a week is nothing! You could ask your assistant to put together a rejection letter to send out if she is that bothered!

HollowTalk · 05/11/2020 19:20

But you can't reject people until you know you don't need them. Did you thank them by email for their initial interest and say you'd get back to them?

Original poster

Maria53 · 05/11/2020 19:20

Exactly. A week is not a big deal.

Because I am the first to do this I am still developing a strategy but I am really bothered by the way she spoke to me.

OP posts:

LockdownLil · 05/11/2020 19:20

get her to do it

Trut · 05/11/2020 19:20

Sounds pretty normal to me. She has her views and is sharing them.

What is the problem? You don’t have to do what she says, but it is good to hear other perspectives

TORDEVAN · 05/11/2020 19:21

Doesn't seem too bad to me. Also, there is not a lot to go on. It would depend her tone/manner and the relationship between you and/or the way you have set up your working relationship.

I don't have an assistant but I happily welcome opinions from my deputy and the staff I manage. We have open discussion about things but they know I make the decisions and I'm happy to explain any decision.

Tigger03 · 05/11/2020 19:21

I think you’re being a bit unreasonable because whilst it’s fine to not reply in a week, your assistant is allowed to express an opinion. I wouldn’t say what she said was rude or unprofessional.

Original poster

Maria53 · 05/11/2020 19:22

I personally wouldnt dream of telling a manager that I thought what they were doing was very bad practice.

I guess some here will just see it as sharing views - I'm not sure.

OP posts:

triceratops12 · 05/11/2020 19:22

I think you should hard work and you should have contacted them.

As much as you have got to find the right fit for the client, they've got to who they are working for and you a representing that. You might loose someone who would be excellent at it by not acknowledging them.

Nightmanagerfan · 05/11/2020 19:22

She gave you some feedback and you can’t take it! I suggest you work on that.

You could have reflected on it instead, and would hopefully have come to the conclusion that she was right.

Trut · 05/11/2020 19:22

Especially as you say it is the first time you are doing this. She may have experience with this in other jobs.

1stV45 · 05/11/2020 19:22

You didn't reply at all? I agree you should have got your assistant to reply thanking for the interest and giving timescales. You might have decided you don't need them now, but you may do in the future.

Russell19 · 05/11/2020 19:23

I think she's right. Get her to send out a reply though.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 05/11/2020 19:23

So you want a lap dog who doesn't share their opinion then? Sounds like she wasn't rude, you just didn't like that she doesn't agree with how you are managing it. Perhaps she should only give her opinion when you ask for it?

LolaButt · 05/11/2020 19:24

How dare the “help” express a view point. I can’t believe she doesn’t realise how important you are.

YABU. She’s trying to do her job effectively. Your seemingly poor decision making skills and lack of communication and direction to her, makes me feel sorry for her. Working for a clueless self important manager is the pits.

Original poster

Maria53 · 05/11/2020 19:24

I also asked her to put a spreadsheet together detailing all the brand ambassadors plus the status and outcome

In the status she actually wrote 'we ghosted them'. This is a spreadsheet for me and my line manager to look at.

OP posts:

Gncq · 05/11/2020 19:24

You're being a bit sensitive?
Just say to your assistant "thanks for your input" and carry on as you were before.

FelicityPike · 05/11/2020 19:24

@Nightmanagerfan

She gave you some feedback and you can’t take it! I suggest you work on that.

You could have reflected on it instead, and would hopefully have come to the conclusion that she was right.

I agree. Also I think it IS bad practice to essentially ignore people like you have done, even if is has only been a week.

Divebar · 05/11/2020 19:25

I work for a 2 people and although I’m junior to them I have 20 years experience in my organisation. I have certainly queried decisions before - They’re not insecure enough to be bothered. I think perhaps you’re still finding your feet in your new position - it’s not a big deal.

LolaButt · 05/11/2020 19:25

She wrote “we ghosted them”?! Ha ha. She’s covering her back because she can see you’re ineffective.

dontgobaconmyheart · 05/11/2020 19:26

spoken to you like what though OP? She has asked you about a situation and then expressed she thinks that is bad practice. She isn't objectively wrong. Being an assistant to someone doesn't mean you are not allowed to every query or express opinion, she works in a broader sense for your company, not you.

You should just have explained to her that although that would have been preferable, the workload doesn't allow it so you have had to make a concession somewhere. Should she wish to get back to them with a rejection of their application in her own time, surely she can and you could have suggested this if you had wanted to.

If you are doing the jobs of two people despite having an assistant perhaps it would be best to liase with your own manager about how best to utilise her and provide a more structured plan for her duties etc. I don't think you need to 'handle' anything based on what you have so far described and think it would end up showing a lack of experience to do so if you aren't sure how to go about it.

1stV45 · 05/11/2020 19:26

As a manager, I am thrilled when staff make suggestions. For one thing it confirms I'm approachable enough for them to feel comfortable doing so and for another, quite often they are right and/or their ideas are worth hearing! I don't assume I'm always right just because I'm in charge and I wouldn't want my staff to either. Staff who question current practice are doing the right thing IMO.

bloodyhairy · 05/11/2020 19:26

Ooh, the subordinate voices her opinion. A sacking offence, surely?!

Trut · 05/11/2020 19:26

@Maria53

I also asked her to put a spreadsheet together detailing all the brand ambassadors plus the status and outcome

In the status she actually wrote 'we ghosted them'. This is a spreadsheet for me and my line manager to look at.

...and did you ghost them?

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