To feel hacked off with the way my assistant spoke to me today?

[Maria53]

I was promoted from a junior position around lockdown time & 2 months ago an assistant was hired to help me with 2 specific projects/lighten the load.

I was asked to find brand ambassadors for an important client, something no one at the company has done before. Therefore even my boss has been asking my advice on how to do it as it is going very well.

The issue is that at the beginning I was told to cast the net far and wide, reaching out to many potential leads and see who came back. In the end too many came back when I didnt know if we would get anyone!

I've had to pick a few and havent replied to those who only expressed mild interest. My assistant raised it a few days ago, wanting to know why I had 'ghosted' the leads now it has only been a week since I spoke to them and I am still making my decisions. I explained this is all a learning curve for me to and we can look at putting a strategy in place for us and the wider team.

She replied again saying 'well I just think it is very bad practice'. That stopped me in my tracks because no colleague would speak to me like that or vice versa.

I am doing the jobs of 2 people now effectively and it is very hard doing everything. AIBU to not appreciate this and want to know how to handle it?

Develop a strategy for politely responding to people that you reached out to?
A week is a long time these days - especially for something quick and easy to do.
Seriously you could write a holding reply in 30 seconds.

“Hey! Thanks for reaching out, I’m super happy to hear from you. We’re working on our brand ambassador strategy right now, so it will be about 2 weeks before I come back to you. Thanks again!”

Obviously adjust tone as appropriate.
That took 10 seconds.

Your assistant is right.
However, actually writing “we ghosted them” is going too far. But it’s worth thinking about your lack of action that led to her unprofessional outpouring of frustration.

As a manager, it is so fun to develop good people!

She can be very direct. In a meeting the other day I was annoyed because I came up with an idea which my LM liked. Assisstant said 'oh I don't think that is a great idea personally....' !

Cue everyone pretending this is absolutely normal and fine. 😂

You don't need strategy to use manners. How hard is it, and what strategy is needed, to formulate a response that says "Thanks so much for showing interest in x. We'll get back to you by x date to update you."

@Nightmanagerfan

She gave you some feedback and you can’t take it! I suggest you work on that.

You could have reflected on it instead, and would hopefully have come to the conclusion that she was right.

Exactly.

@Maria53

I guess I feel it is fair to bring up constructive feedback but I dont feel she handled it professionally.

Clearly others think differently though

What's your idea of professional though - a meek and mild assistant who'll bow to your greatness and know their place? I think she sounds interested and engaged with her job and is entitled to express her opinions. If she'd said 'you're wrong you f-ing idiot' then you might have a complaint but I really can't see what was unprofessional. Are you a lot older than your assistant by the way?

OP I'm curious what your 'normal' role involves?

I think you're making things more complicated than they need to be, when you give your response of needing to come up with a strategy. You don't need to develop a strategy.

You just need to communicate effectively and update the people you are potentially collaborating with. A week with no reply is on the long side.

i don't think she'll stay long.

It's interesting that since several people don't agree with you, you go 'but she also does this and this wrong ..."

Not a good look.

I think her commenting as she did is absolutely fine. However, I wouldnt be happy if she put it on a spreadsheet like that for all to see. It feels a bit like she’s throwing you under the bus.

What's your idea of professional though - a meek and mild assistant who'll bow to your greatness and know their place?

Everyone in a workplace should know their place. People manage other people for a reason. There is nothing wrong with giving your opinion when it is asked for, or when the outcome reflects on or affects you. But if we’re all honest, an assistant is hired to make someone’s job a bit easier, not challenge them to their boss. So it’s not unreasonable to think someone this direct is behaving unprofessionally

She can be very direct. In a meeting the other day I was annoyed because I came up with an idea which my LM liked. Assisstant said 'oh I don't think that is a great idea personally....' !

Being blunt, are you and LM out of touch with comms/social media management, including working with influencers?

You sound dismissive of the assistant and I wonder if it's because she's more in tune with the reality of how it all works.

Also she was 30 mins late to a meeting with me and my LM and when LM asked her why she said she just forgot and did not apologise.

Yeah that is really weird. Has she had a job before?

She was right. We are encouraged to challenge managers if we think they've handled something badly or made a bad decision. She let you know how your lack of a response might look and she was right to do so.

Bl

being a 'manager' doesn't make you immune from criticism.

So you have selected the people you want. So actually its nothing to do with strategy for managing this going forward.

It was pointing out you hadn't thought to inform the people you hadn't selected. Yeah to be honest your response was complete manager waffle.

It should have been your right actually we should send a comms to the people not selected can you draft something and send to me for approval.

Job done.

I find it worrying that you would never tell a senior that they are wrong. I work in a very supportive team and part of that is feeling safe to challenge each other (quite critically) because we know if we pick up on a problem within the team that means clients and partners see less of the mistakes and our overall work as a team is better. It doesn't feel nice, but it's nicer than the alternative. In your case, imagine if one of these people who responded tweeted your company publicly to ask why you had wasted their time. I would find that waaay more awkward.

I agree you're making a big job of this. Take her up on her suggestion and get her to send a quick email to all of them saying thanks for your interest and you'll be in touch on x date. Then if you don't need them, another quick email on x date saying thanks so much but we don't need you at this point. We'll keep you on file.

You could try listening to her. Ask her if she has ideas or suggestions. Rather than getting your hackles up because she's not subservient enough for you.

Pulling rank is poor management and will only serve to make you look insecure. Involving her and respecting her views will end up with you being respected by her.

Do you really want to say to her 'You're just an assistant - shut up and do as you're told'?

Even without your update, I at least thought she sounded out of line.

What she could have said was " Shall I draft a holding response to the people we've not got back to yet ? would something like this work ? " and as for putting ghosted on the spreadsheet - bang out of order - putting a question mark beside them would make the point without being weird.

In future if she comes up with something say "Good idea would you pull an email together " rather than justifying yourself. She needs to learn how upward management works and you need to learn how management works.

Honestly...it sounds like if you don’t get over yourself sharpish you could find yourself being her assistant. She sounds dynamic, confident and a ‘do-er’ and you sound a bit like one of those annoying procrastinators full of management cliches/catchphrases and a touchy one at that. Sorry.

Not wrong to express an opinion, but wrong to put something so unprofessional on a spreadsheet. She should have just said "not yet responded". A week isn't that long.

I've worked on many projects over the years, some fast paced and some I was new to and had no idea how to do it.

Every time, I preferred working with people who challenged me. I've worked on projects where I had "yes men", those projects failed.

The best projects I've led, people challenged my decisions, brought up things I'd missed or told me I was wrong.

It is hard to be told you've fucked up, made the wrong decision or "its not best practice". You cannot take it personally.

As others have pointed out, she clearly cares and I'd rather have someone like that, than someone who does nothing.

I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong in waiting a week, but I also done see that your assistant has done anything wrong either? She’s entitled to share views presumably (unless you’re very authoritarian) and it doesn’t sound like she was rude.

I think you’re being really odd.

I expect every who works for me to be able to debate and offer their views on what works and doesn’t work. We all have different backgrounds and experiences after all. I make the final decision but gathering perspectives is really important to get the best result.

The idea that someone who works for you just obediently competes tasks you sets and never expresses an opinion is weird and unproductive.

I’m starting to think this is a reverse, it is so daft.

@SheridansSmyth

Honestly...it sounds like if you don’t get over yourself sharpish you could find yourself being her assistant. She sounds dynamic, confident and a ‘do-er’ and you sound a bit like one of those annoying procrastinators full of management cliches/catchphrases and a touchy one at that. Sorry.

This. Sorry Op, if I had to choose between you two (based on your posts) I would hire her

It is hard to be told you've fucked up, made the wrong decision or "its not best practice".

Without meaning to be disrespectful to the assistant, what does she even mean, ‘It’s not best practice’? It doesn’t sound like an industry where there is an established best practice. It’s just one of those things people say when they mean an action doesn’t correlate with their opinion. And unfortunately, since she’s talking to her boss, and her job is to assist her boss, that comes across badly. It would be much better to say, ‘I think it might be a good idea to get back to people now. Would you like me to draft a reply?’

Because I am the first to do this I am still developing a strategy but I am really bothered by the way she spoke to me

In the nicest possible way, you need to get over yourself and grow a thicker skin.

There's nothing wrong with what she said.