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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel hacked off with the way my assistant spoke to me today?

336 replies

Maria53 · 05/11/2020 19:15

I was promoted from a junior position around lockdown time & 2 months ago an assistant was hired to help me with 2 specific projects/lighten the load.

I was asked to find brand ambassadors for an important client, something no one at the company has done before. Therefore even my boss has been asking my advice on how to do it as it is going very well.

The issue is that at the beginning I was told to cast the net far and wide, reaching out to many potential leads and see who came back. In the end too many came back when I didnt know if we would get anyone!

I've had to pick a few and havent replied to those who only expressed mild interest. My assistant raised it a few days ago, wanting to know why I had 'ghosted' the leads now it has only been a week since I spoke to them and I am still making my decisions. I explained this is all a learning curve for me to and we can look at putting a strategy in place for us and the wider team.

She replied again saying 'well I just think it is very bad practice'. That stopped me in my tracks because no colleague would speak to me like that or vice versa.

I am doing the jobs of 2 people now effectively and it is very hard doing everything. AIBU to not appreciate this and want to know how to handle it?

OP posts:

alexdgr8 · 05/11/2020 19:26

i can't see anything wrong with that.
she probably thinks it looks bad on the company if you are not dealing with poss ambassadors in the right way.
is she more experienced than you.
you seem to be defensively excusing your behaviour, re how much you have to do. you don't seem to see the wider picture.
can you not direct her to send an interim email that decisions are not yet finalised, hope to let them know by end of next week.

Divebar · 05/11/2020 19:27

In the status she actually wrote 'we ghosted them

Incredibly unprofessional- that needs dealing with.

Original poster

Maria53 · 05/11/2020 19:27

I did take the feedback! I said to her we can put together a strategy which seemed reasonable?

It is the fact she replied again after that saying it is very bad practice. She isnt accepting my suggestion to collaborate on a good strategy. So to me it was like this:

Her: this is a problem
Me: ok well problems arise sometimes when you are brand new to something. Lets put together a strategy that deals with that
Her: I mean it is just really bad

OP posts:

ShowingOut · 05/11/2020 19:27

@Maria53

I also asked her to put a spreadsheet together detailing all the brand ambassadors plus the status and outcome

In the status she actually wrote 'we ghosted them'. This is a spreadsheet for me and my line manager to look at.

I like the sound of her

IndecentFeminist · 05/11/2020 19:27

She doesn't sound rude. Her choice of words in the spreadsheet is a little off, but her point is valid and raising it with you is valid too.

1stV45 · 05/11/2020 19:27

@Maria53

I also asked her to put a spreadsheet together detailing all the brand ambassadors plus the status and outcome

In the status she actually wrote 'we ghosted them'. This is a spreadsheet for me and my line manager to look at.

So you need to coach her on use of language but she's right to make the point.

Gncq · 05/11/2020 19:27

oh didn't see your update!

Well, a message saying "thanks for your interest in the Brand Ambassador role. This role has been filled but we'll keep your details on file if anything comes up in the future" only takes two seconds.

emilyfrost · 05/11/2020 19:28

YABU. She’s allowed to give feedback; you decide how you proceed with it. Yes she’s your assistant, but she’s not a nodding dog.

Maybe83 · 05/11/2020 19:28

Why wouldn't you tell a manager you thought something they had suggested was bad practice if you did?

To be honest it sounds like you don't really have a handle on what your doing and it is pretty poor to put out an expression of interest with out a process in place and to have an understanding as to what it your actually trying to achieve.

How to handle it, I would have a meeting set out your plan and tell her what you need her to do.

Then decide if you want to have someone who is a yes person and won't actually add any value to your position and achieving your objectives. If so tell her you don't appreciate her providing her feedback and should you want you will ask for it.

I would say you will find you won't have too strong a relationship though if that's the case.

ShowingOut · 05/11/2020 19:28

@Maria53

I did take the feedback! I said to her we can put together a strategy which seemed reasonable?

It is the fact she replied again after that saying it is very bad practice. She isnt accepting my suggestion to collaborate on a good strategy. So to me it was like this:

Her: this is a problem
Me: ok well problems arise sometimes when you are brand new to something. Lets put together a strategy that deals with that
Her: I mean it is just really bad

She's your assistant. You need to manager her.

If she's a good worker - and she sounds like she's on the ball - then a few rough corners can be coped with.

ShowingOut · 05/11/2020 19:29

manage her

IndecentFeminist · 05/11/2020 19:29

Your response sounds like "blue sky thinking' "I'm a new manager" waffle tbh.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 05/11/2020 19:29

In the status she actually wrote 'we ghosted them'.

😂 I absolutely bloody love your assistant OP. Seriously, get out of your own arse, treat people with courtesy and take on board advice and suggestions from wherever it comes.

ivykaty44 · 05/11/2020 19:29

As your assistant do you want her on side?

If you do then listen to what she has to say and then decide whether to act upon it, her opinion maybe useful - it could help you and assist you in your work. As you say you haven't done this before so look for all the ideas and help you can get. Next time she has an opinion she will tell you and you can again decide whether you think its valid

manage her. so thank her for her opinion and then tell her what your going to do with it...

park it as you think its not valid
act on it at a later date

get her to act on it and thank people for their interest and you'll get back to them at a later date if needed

or do you want an assistant that can clearly see you could do something but keeps it to herself as you're attitude is you're the manager and she shouldn't have an opinion.

if you don't like the way she spoke to you, then manage that part and teach her some diplomacy

Trut · 05/11/2020 19:29

Her choice of words is fine. Honestly, op, lighten up. You don’t need a ‘strategy’, a simple thank you and we will keep you updated will suffice 😊

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 05/11/2020 19:29

"I personally wouldnt dream of telling a manager that I thought what they were doing was very bad practice."

Even if it were very bad practice?

Ok, so I agree with you on "we ghosted them" but she is possibly right in intent if not in wording. Is she considerably younger and more of a social media native than you?

I don't think it would bother you if you were more experienced/confident as a manager though.

ForTheLoveOfCatFood · 05/11/2020 19:30

^this!
She’s saying what they will be thinking

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 05/11/2020 19:31

Lol at the spread sheet comment, she's hilarious

GivenchyDahhling · 05/11/2020 19:31

From what you’ve said it doesn’t sound too bad - she was offering her constructive opinion and you could have just thanked her or explained a reason for going in another direction, or acted on it. However; writing on the internet doesn’t convey the tone or body language so perhaps that’s why you felt it was disrespectful?

I directly line manage 18 people and this honestly would not have bothered me at all.

CatherinedeBourgh · 05/11/2020 19:31

She’s right, it’s very unprofessional to contact someone then not get back in touch. I would expect a response (can be a holding email) within 24 hours.

Soontobe60 · 05/11/2020 19:31

@Maria53

I personally wouldnt dream of telling a manager that I thought what they were doing was very bad practice.

I guess some here will just see it as sharing views - I'm not sure.

You’re her manager, that doesn’t make you more important than her. She’s entitled to an opinion - there’s nothing worse than a boss who only wants the staff to agree with them!

ForTheLoveOfCatFood · 05/11/2020 19:31

Oops posts moved on when I put this I was referring to alexdgr8

Mellonsprite · 05/11/2020 19:32

In the status she actually wrote 'we ghosted them

That’s pretty arsey, you need to address this ASAP. Stop blaming in on being new, or before you know it she’ll be managing you and gunning for your position.
A Curt message back or direct conversation to tell her that you expect professional commentary only in her work and she needs to change it and send it back to you.

PointyMcguire · 05/11/2020 19:32

I work in Comms, part of which is overseeing influencer/advocate strategies. I have to agree with your assistant that it’s poor form to outreach and then ignore those that reply, and will potentially reflect badly on both your team and the client. Ultimately relationships are key when it comes to this sort of thing so you’re far better to send a placeholder email while you make decisions, if nothing else it’ll stop them hounding you for an answer in the meantime

LadyJaye · 05/11/2020 19:32

She sounds brilliant. I'd love an assistant like that.

You sound like you need to get over yourself and learn how to actually manage people, as opposed to assuming you're better than them by dint of hierarchy.

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