To feel hacked off with the way my assistant spoke to me today?

[Maria53]

I was promoted from a junior position around lockdown time & 2 months ago an assistant was hired to help me with 2 specific projects/lighten the load.

I was asked to find brand ambassadors for an important client, something no one at the company has done before. Therefore even my boss has been asking my advice on how to do it as it is going very well.

The issue is that at the beginning I was told to cast the net far and wide, reaching out to many potential leads and see who came back. In the end too many came back when I didnt know if we would get anyone!

I've had to pick a few and havent replied to those who only expressed mild interest. My assistant raised it a few days ago, wanting to know why I had 'ghosted' the leads now it has only been a week since I spoke to them and I am still making my decisions. I explained this is all a learning curve for me to and we can look at putting a strategy in place for us and the wider team.

She replied again saying 'well I just think it is very bad practice'. That stopped me in my tracks because no colleague would speak to me like that or vice versa.

I am doing the jobs of 2 people now effectively and it is very hard doing everything. AIBU to not appreciate this and want to know how to handle it?

@Maria53 oh that's annoying! I take it her LM isn't having much luck relaying your feedback?

Maybe watch some YouTube videos on calmly giving fast feedback. Might help just set boundaries with what you find acceptable in the role?

I agree the spreadsheet was unprofessional, just missed the drip feed when I first posted

It doesn’t sound like an industry where there is an established best practice

There is absolutely a best practice, and ghosting people or not acknowledging them is not it.

It is fine for her to point out the candidates might feel ghosted, but to put it in the spreadsheet is immature and unprofessional and as she is your assistant and learning you should point that out to her.

You, as her manager, should have taken her input and discussed it with her, helped her develop the thought she had. Something along the lines of - that is a good point, we have taken longer than anticipated, how do you think we could have handled it better/made it more efficient? The target for picking a successful candidate and informing them is Wednesday next week, what do you think we should do now?

She gave her professional opinion, you were childish to feel this way. I manage a team and several are challenging, it’s great because I don’t want drones to work with, I want intelligent people who help do things better.

In the status she actually wrote 'we ghosted them'. This is a spreadsheet for me and my line manager to look at
I hope you told her that was an unprofessional thing to do?

She can be very direct. In a meeting the other day I was annoyed because I came up with an idea which my LM liked. Assisstant said 'oh I don't think that is a great idea personally....' !

Either she's up her own arse or she's after your position so she's started as she means to go on - attacking you openly in a pssive aggressive manner disguised as 'advice/help'.......she wants YOU to look silly and stupid in front of your superiors......
and because nobody has pulled her up on her attitude she's going to carry on.

I would tell her that the comments re 'ghosting' is unacceptable re professionalism.....and whilst you thank her for her opinions - you'd rather she either contributed ideas or helpful suggestions instead of being negative.
Get assertive in your dealings with her or she'll walk all over you.

I actually agree with you OP - I'd be pissed off too. She may well have a point, but it's the way she expressed it - she is too blunt and needs to express herself better if she's to work with/for you.

She was a little cheeky in her style - but only a little - and I think you would feel MUCH more relaxed about it if you felt secure in your authority. You can just tell her the style is wrong! And you can listen or not listen to her. That's all.

Now, on topic, a week is quite long if there's been no communication. Just a boiler reply saying thanking them and seeing when they can expect a further update would be fine! Then make your assistant responsible for keeping track of that.

You'll be fine, you have the tools you need to manage her, and just because her tone is wrong doesn't mean her message is.

Are you quite new to management?

One of my 'underlings' (!) quite rightly pointed out a gap in a new process a couple of days ago.

I agreed with them, pulled something out of my toolbox, re-shaped it accordingly and it will go out to the organisation tomorrow.

You do sound as though you have a lot of problems with managing people and your ego.

I don't think the OP is expecting her assistant to be rolling over and going "yes master".

But rather this is obviously someone quite junior who hasn't got the hang of work yet.

I bet most of us look back on the mistakes we made/said as newbies and cringe.

I'm just thankful that there were people to tactfully and gently teach me how it's done.

People have died in plane crashes before because junior staff were afraid to criticise senior staff.

1 week is nothing, I’ve been applying jug to jobs and companies take 1m + to get back to applicants.

OP, if she was as good an employee as she is making out to be she should have drafted a response email to the rejectees and compiled a list of people to email. She’s your assistant, she needs to assist you!

Honestly @Trut, when I look at her, I see myself a year ago.

Now I have so much to do I am doing 2 job roles rather than one. My LM kindly said in a general meeting at the start of this week that I had got 2 projects over the line which was quite nice because I dont usually get much feedback.

I needed an assistant due to workload increasing more and bosses recognising that. The truth is that it is still difficult juggling everything even with her involved.

She sounds slightly unprofessional but you sound like you make work for yourself rather than just getting on with it.

You don’t need to spend time developing a ‘strategy’ you need to hurry the fuck up and get on.

You could literally send everyone a “thanks so much for your interest, huge apologies for the delay, we’ll get back to you properly by the end of the week” type message in the meantime.

You are sensitive because you know she is right. Rather than being defensive and batting her off with the strategy thing which sounds really defensive btw, How's about ' you have a point. Can you draft a short polite holding email for me to approve and then send it to those contacts? Thank you for your help.' Being a good manager is taking advice from all levels of colleague and working together to solve problems. Ask her to come to you first if she feels something isn't right, before putting comments in spreadsheet next time too. She needs to know that is not appropriate.

But if you are angry, you are taking this waaaay to personally. It's a work situation. You could even just be mildly amused! Working for someone who takes mild work stuff personally is... very tough

And today she sent out something out with spelling errors after I asked her to correct them. She did correct them but then made the errors again elsewhere.

She has stopped running things by me as much but she hasnt got the hang of everything yet. I do value professional feedback and want to do a good job. Everyone is over worked here.

I don’t mind her comment to you and you considering your action but wring on the spreadsheet that will be seen by your manager ...... rude and out of order.

So why didn't you inform the other brand manager applicants? If it's your job, you do it. If you feel that it's your assistants job then tell them.
I don't understand what the problem is.

I can't believe that people here can't see that first you are learning how to do something new. Second this stupid expressions like ghosting are ridiculous in a work setting. Very unprofessional and quite frankly childish.
You had a great response from the team that's great but you need a little longer to decide.
It is about having a robot with no opinion it's a about how she expressed her opinion. To me she was very rude and she comes across as abrupt.
I'll pull her on it and see how it goes in the future but I wouldn't be happy.

There is absolutely a best practice, and ghosting people or not acknowledging them is not it.

Where is it written down/regulated? It’s not, is it?

@Maria53

I also asked her to put a spreadsheet together detailing all the brand ambassadors plus the status and outcome

In the status she actually wrote 'we ghosted them'. This is a spreadsheet for me and my line manager to look at.

She sounds awful - sounds like a hiring mistake

Sounds like the problem is your strategy is weak, your assistant is picking up some slack by taking initiative and actually attempting to implement best practice, and you're just interested in finding fault with them rather than just getting on with it.

Frankly, you sound like hard work.

It's standard practice to inform those who haven't been successful and, hopefully, to say why
Either you do it or you delegate.

Ahh l see drip feed. Did you challenge the comment in the meeting and ask her why she didn't think it was a good idea?

She isn't after your job, if she was she wouldn't be turning up for meetings late and then not apologising.