To feel hacked off with the way my assistant spoke to me today?

[Maria53]

I was promoted from a junior position around lockdown time & 2 months ago an assistant was hired to help me with 2 specific projects/lighten the load.

I was asked to find brand ambassadors for an important client, something no one at the company has done before. Therefore even my boss has been asking my advice on how to do it as it is going very well.

The issue is that at the beginning I was told to cast the net far and wide, reaching out to many potential leads and see who came back. In the end too many came back when I didnt know if we would get anyone!

I've had to pick a few and havent replied to those who only expressed mild interest. My assistant raised it a few days ago, wanting to know why I had 'ghosted' the leads now it has only been a week since I spoke to them and I am still making my decisions. I explained this is all a learning curve for me to and we can look at putting a strategy in place for us and the wider team.

She replied again saying 'well I just think it is very bad practice'. That stopped me in my tracks because no colleague would speak to me like that or vice versa.

I am doing the jobs of 2 people now effectively and it is very hard doing everything. AIBU to not appreciate this and want to know how to handle it?

@donquixotedelamancha

Quite the opposite. Many have congratulated her for the way she spoke and her attitude.

As I said, some posters either don't emphasise the way things are said so much or doubt that the situation is as OP describes.

That's not agreeing, rather than missing the point.

Funny how many of those same posters seemed to have glossed over the fact that she also rocked up 30 minutes late to a meeting with no apology.

And if they choose not to look at how something is said and the negativity it can cause, then yes they’re missing the point.

honestly i think it's a fair question. You said there are ones you have already decided you definitely dont want. So a blanket 'sorry you havent been successful this time ' would have been the polite custom to follow and as an assistant it's something you should have asked her to organise. I should think she is just trying to do her job the best she can too.

Also think about it long term - if you arent timely and courteous now - they may not respond if you require them at a later date. After all - you contacted them first.

Why is her opinion less valid or not wanted just because she is your subordinate organisationally? The best outcomes happen when all people feel able to contribute ideas and feedback freely. If she was rude that is another matter but IMO she was just expressing a justified opinion

[quote rookiemere]@TruculentandFarty but would you express your views in such a confrontational fashion ? Would you use ghosted as an entry on an excel spreadsheet?

I treat everyone with respect, but I also expect the same back along with professional behaviour. I disagree with my boss on occasion but saying "you're wrong to do this" just paints both of us into a corner whereas phrases such as "have you considered" or "what would you like me to do about x" if she has forgotten x means it's a win win for both of us.[/quote]
@rookiemere, no, i would usually say it in person and would use different language (because I'm not twenty) but I'm pretty blunt at times when I think it is needed.

One conversation started "you know when I first started that I told you that at some point I might say something that would offend you? Today might be that day" (I was pretty angry about something)

My boss is very easy going though, I might take a different approach if I had a different boss. I would likely quit if I had a boss like OP though. I do my job for fun and don't make much money so it wouldn't be worth it.

I could be completely wrong but this is what I have gathered so far.

You both sound as if you got off on the wrong foot. You clearly don't like her or you wouldn't have felt the need to constantly bring up her attitude/poor performance when you were told pretty unanimously in the beginning that you were being unreasonable. Maybe after your initial reaction she just doesn't feel comfortable coming to you, or she could just be a dick.

The only think I do know for sure from experience is that if a brand/company approached me with an opportunity and then failed to contact me again or said they underestimated the interest they would receive I'd be really annoyed and think they were unprofessional.

You sound over sensitive. Just get on with it. Any longer and if will be bad practice.

how dare that lowly assistant have an opinion!

Just because she's an assistant doesn't mean she can't have a business opinion.

If you wanted a lap dog you should have got one. You've got a grown adult with experience and opinions, respect it (even if you don't agree)

Writing ‘ghosted’ on the spread sheet is unacceptable especially for a shared work document. It’s unprofessional and immature.

Add on the unsolicited criticism with no solution - I think she’d probably benefit from a talk about conduct, attitudes and behaviours at work.

It needs nipping in the bud now as she may do this with some one much higher up and find herself earmarked for the door.

@Kkmuppet

Why is her opinion less valid or not wanted just because she is your subordinate organisationally? The best outcomes happen when all people feel able to contribute ideas and feedback freely. If she was rude that is another matter but IMO she was just expressing a justified opinion

However her entry in the shared document is unacceptable. In my office she would have been called in straight away.

Sorry but "ghosted" on a spreadsheet is making me chuckle. I'm imagining her channelling April Ludgate.