To feel hacked off with the way my assistant spoke to me today?

[Maria53]

I was promoted from a junior position around lockdown time & 2 months ago an assistant was hired to help me with 2 specific projects/lighten the load.

I was asked to find brand ambassadors for an important client, something no one at the company has done before. Therefore even my boss has been asking my advice on how to do it as it is going very well.

The issue is that at the beginning I was told to cast the net far and wide, reaching out to many potential leads and see who came back. In the end too many came back when I didnt know if we would get anyone!

I've had to pick a few and havent replied to those who only expressed mild interest. My assistant raised it a few days ago, wanting to know why I had 'ghosted' the leads now it has only been a week since I spoke to them and I am still making my decisions. I explained this is all a learning curve for me to and we can look at putting a strategy in place for us and the wider team.

She replied again saying 'well I just think it is very bad practice'. That stopped me in my tracks because no colleague would speak to me like that or vice versa.

I am doing the jobs of 2 people now effectively and it is very hard doing everything. AIBU to not appreciate this and want to know how to handle it?

Get the ‘thank you for your interest’ rejection letter sent out and at that time ask assistant to update ‘ we ghosted them’ as it is no longer relevant . Can also have a word about choice of language? Up to you . Good luck x

@Twinkled

Get the ‘thank you for your interest’ rejection letter sent out and at that time ask assistant to update ‘ we ghosted them’ as it is no longer relevant . Can also have a word about choice of language? Up to you . Good luck x

You can - just click on YANBU and it will change your vote (I think)

From the way you have written your post, I would say stop looking down on the fact that this person is your ‘assistant’.
You sound like you have a problem because how dare someone ‘lesser’ than you have an opinion or speak to someone far superior (you) in that way.
I’ll tell you right now, that attitude won’t ‘assist’ you.

Your assistant is right. This is basic common sense at the beginning of a project like this. You don’t start picking what you want and ignoring the rest....you don’t know when you might need them. It is rude and bad management of your business!
You reply to ALL of them, you express thanks for their interest and that you will be in touch shortly. That keeps all options open!

I think you’re lucky to have this assistant to be honest, he/she might just save your bacon!

Obvioisly I don't know what the norm is in the OPs line of work. She says that she hasn't made a decsion yet, and its been a week - that does not seem long to me at all! And tbh where I worked "rejections" wouldn't go out until the succesful candidates had accepted anyway!

The assistant - not wrong to query if replies are to be sent out, but to use the term ghosted on a work document is totally inappropriate.

LadyJaye
“She sounds brilliant. I'd love an assistant like that.

You sound like you need to get over yourself and learn how to actually manage people, as opposed to assuming you're better than them by dint of hierarchy.”

ShowingOut
But I'll get zero compensation for the overtime.

“Welcome to the higher echelons!”

BlowThisForEggAndSoldiers
“She won't stay, if she's stuck with you. She's already frustrated. Hence the bluntly honest spreadsheet notes. Been there, ditched that company.”

starfishmummy
“The assistant - not wrong to query if replies are to be sent out, but to use the term ghosted on a work document is totally inappropriate.”

^All of this 100%

Ask her to send out the email responses and to also update her unprofessional wording on the spreadsheet.

It sounds like you’re more bothered about the Assistant showing you up to your Manager and that you’re not happy about not being financially rewarded for putting in overtime.

@Maria53

I also asked her to put a spreadsheet together detailing all the brand ambassadors plus the status and outcome

In the status she actually wrote 'we ghosted them'. This is a spreadsheet for me and my line manager to look at.

That is a little bit cheeky, "Awaiting decision" or similar would be more appropriate. Still, you ought to welcome input from your team. The best managers listen.

I am truly surprised and sad so many of you do not see anything wrong with the assistant’s conduct. From the whole picture it transpires she is trying to undermine the OP and has scarce respect towards her coworkers. Perhaps it is a generational thing. For me (yes, I am middle aged) her choice of words and general manner are sadly lacking. I’m not talking about the right to express an opinion, but proclaiming swiftly „this is bad practice”, „we have ghosted them”, „this is not a very good idea” as described by OP is rude, immature and unprofessional and should not be accepted as a norm, no matter how charmingly ambitious she is.
OP, mumsnet is a funny, capricious place. Trust your judgement.

@Jacopone

I am truly surprised and sad so many of you do not see anything wrong with the assistant’s conduct. From the whole picture it transpires she is trying to undermine the OP and has scarce respect towards her coworkers. Perhaps it is a generational thing. For me (yes, I am middle aged) her choice of words and general manner are sadly lacking. I’m not talking about the right to express an opinion, but proclaiming swiftly „this is bad practice”, „we have ghosted them”, „this is not a very good idea” as described by OP is rude, immature and unprofessional and should not be accepted as a norm, no matter how charmingly ambitious she is. OP, mumsnet is a funny, capricious place. Trust your judgement.

I agree.

She sounds rude.

The "ghosted" on the spreadsheet is a deliberate attempt to show you up.

OP, watch your back.
She is entitled to give an opinion, but to be as rude as she is, NO.

@Jacopone

I am truly surprised and sad so many of you do not see anything wrong with the assistant’s conduct. From the whole picture it transpires she is trying to undermine the OP and has scarce respect towards her coworkers. Perhaps it is a generational thing. For me (yes, I am middle aged) her choice of words and general manner are sadly lacking. I’m not talking about the right to express an opinion, but proclaiming swiftly „this is bad practice”, „we have ghosted them”, „this is not a very good idea” as described by OP is rude, immature and unprofessional and should not be accepted as a norm, no matter how charmingly ambitious she is. OP, mumsnet is a funny, capricious place. Trust your judgement.

It’s AIBU, people are contrary and maybe they are crappy rude employees in real life

I'll get so much flame for saying this but you can probably guess whether the PPs are in a managerial position or not from the responses they gave above. Not each one of course, but probably the majority. Go ahead now - shoot me.

@BarryWhiteIsMyBrother

I'll get so much flame for saying this but you can probably guess whether the PPs are in a managerial position or not from the responses they gave above. Not each one of course, but probably the majority. Go ahead now - shoot me.

I suppose I’m one of your minority.

What a way to start a war though!!

I am an assistant and I frequently express my views. My manager values it and as a result I tell him a lot that he otherwise wouldn't know. If he was not welcoming of my views then I would keep quiet and he would miss out on useful information.

Sometimes when I express my views he will tell me that he doesn't agree and I will drop it.

He treats me like a valued colleague not a dogs body with no opinion.

@TruculentandFarty but would you express your views in such a confrontational fashion ? Would you use ghosted as an entry on an excel spreadsheet?

I treat everyone with respect, but I also expect the same back along with professional behaviour. I disagree with my boss on occasion but saying "you're wrong to do this" just paints both of us into a corner whereas phrases such as "have you considered" or "what would you like me to do about x" if she has forgotten x means it's a win win for both of us.

you really do deserve to fall over yourself, hopefully the companies you chose don't work and the others you ignored decide to ignore you. Its a shame your assistant didn't get your job you are obviously not open minded as for doing two jobs you really don't know or want to delegate, the power as obviously gone to your head get over yourself.

@BarryWhiteIsMyBrother

I'll get so much flame for saying this but you can probably guess whether the PPs are in a managerial position or not from the responses they gave above. Not each one of course, but probably the majority. Go ahead now - shoot me.

I definitely have an inkling which ones are good managers and which bad!

@Jacopone

I am truly surprised and sad so many of you do not see anything wrong with the assistant’s conduct. From the whole picture it transpires she is trying to undermine the OP and has scarce respect towards her coworkers. Perhaps it is a generational thing. For me (yes, I am middle aged) her choice of words and general manner are sadly lacking. I’m not talking about the right to express an opinion, but proclaiming swiftly „this is bad practice”, „we have ghosted them”, „this is not a very good idea” as described by OP is rude, immature and unprofessional and should not be accepted as a norm, no matter how charmingly ambitious she is. OP, mumsnet is a funny, capricious place. Trust your judgement.

I agree.

It seems so many have missed the point. That it isn’t the assistant having an opinion that’s the issue here, it’s the way in which she expresses that opinion. And she expresses that opinion with an attitude.

If it was just the ‘bad practice’ line she’d trotted out, I could put that down to maybe just a poor choice of wording, but the spreadsheet wording, the shooting down an idea in the manner she did and the arriving 30 minutes late to a meeting with no apology, all give me the impression she has quite the attitude.

It seems so many have missed the point.

It's a little silly to imagine anyone who disagrees has missed the point. Most people have stated that (assuming OP is completely accuarate) the assistant has communicated poorly. The point being made by the majority is that she's right and OP seems unable to accept that and act on it because she is focused on her own status. To many posters this is more important to the OP's success than teaching her assistant manners.

Many people don't actually care that much about whether something is said in the 'right' way, so much as what is said. I would just find that spreadsheet entry amusing, as well as a sign that I hadn't listened.

I suspect some posters doubt the OP's version of events for the following reasons:

• OP has no line management responsibility for this person, has never managed staff and her line manager doesn't see that as an area it would be appropriate to train her for. It seems odd for someone in such a position to have a personal assistant. More likely this woman is a junior colleague attached to OP's project because OP was struggling and this colleague had appropriate skills. As such she really should be contributing and challenging. If that is the case OP's obsession with her being their to assist OP, as opposed to achieve shared goals, is very strange.

• OP's tone is defensive and hard done to and she clearly struggles to handle situations quickly and sees things in a very formal and heirarchical way. People like this often misinterpret someone elses confidence or competence as a slight on them.

*there not their

If you continue in this vein, then you will make a very poor manager. You sound rather self-important and status driven. She expressed an opinion, you didn't like the fact that she didn't agree with you. Get over yourself. FWIIS I agree with her - it is bad practice.

@donquixotedelamancha

It seems so many have missed the point.

It's a little silly to imagine anyone who disagrees has missed the point. Most people have stated that (assuming OP is completely accuarate) the assistant has communicated poorly. The point being made by the majority is that she's right and OP seems unable to accept that and act on it because she is focused on her own status. To many posters this is more important to the OP's success than teaching her assistant manners.

Many people don't actually care that much about whether something is said in the 'right' way, so much as what is said. I would just find that spreadsheet entry amusing, as well as a sign that I hadn't listened.

I suspect some posters doubt the OP's version of events for the following reasons:

• OP has no line management responsibility for this person, has never managed staff and her line manager doesn't see that as an area it would be appropriate to train her for. It seems odd for someone in such a position to have a personal assistant. More likely this woman is a junior colleague attached to OP's project because OP was struggling and this colleague had appropriate skills. As such she really should be contributing and challenging. If that is the case OP's obsession with her being their to assist OP, as opposed to achieve shared goals, is very strange.

• OP's tone is defensive and hard done to and she clearly struggles to handle situations quickly and sees things in a very formal and heirarchical way. People like this often misinterpret someone elses confidence or competence as a slight on them.

It isn’t “silly”, because many of the replies I’ve seen haven’t in any way suggested the way the assistant communicated was poor.

Quite the opposite. Many have congratulated her for the way she spoke and her attitude.

She wants your job, I don't mean to be rude but you sound a tad dithery and indecisive. I think you should take time to look at your managerial style. But your assistant was rude. She is of course entitled to an opinion but should have worded it much moe professionally. Also her writing ghosted quite frankly is childish couples with the being late etc. I would be having a serious word with her LM.

Two things are going on here:

1. The assistant lacks tact and doesn’t respect OP, possibly because they clash at a personal level or maybe the assistant thinks OP doesn’t know what she is doing so lacks credibility. This happens a lot when people are newly promoted to senior roles, people naturally respect seniors who look and perform confidently and seem to have the technical know how.
2. OP is not tacking the issue with the assistant. OP thinks that because the LM isn’t doing anything, neither should she. Some businesses have this lack of ownership culture. The comment about both OP and assistant’s LM being mortified at assistant’s comment to customer tells all. Both OP and LM should have discussed the afterwards and put and out some actions in place, otherwise it someone, no one anyone problem and assistant becomes more of a loose cannon.

OP, ultimately you are the senior person here so you need to deal with this, either directly or by agreeing some actions with LM including a set weekly catchup with assistant, objective setting with clear timelines and measurable results. Organizing training for your assistant to improve her work and giving her regular feedback in a formal setting. Unless you take some ownership, the assistant continues to be tactless and you continue to not command respect.

Quite the opposite. Many have congratulated her for the way she spoke and her attitude.

As I said, some posters either don't emphasise the way things are said so much or doubt that the situation is as OP describes.

That's not agreeing, rather than missing the point.

I agree with @Jacopone

She sounds highly unprofessional. So now it’s ok to turn up 30 minutes late to a meeting with no apology. But apparently to many on here she sounds ‘brilliant’.

She’s clearly trying to undermine the OP. The comments on the spreadsheet (that OP’s manager would see’ were unprofessional and done to make OP look bad. Tell her to change them straight away.

She can of course give feedback to the OP. But all the other things she is doing? Criticising an idea that her line manager likes with no reason why or idea of her own? Just ‘that’s a bad idea’.

She sounds awful and I can imagine if this is the start of her job there, she will only get worse.

So confused by those who think she’s great!

Also agree you and her line manager need to sit down and agree objectives and timelines with her. She needs to be managed. She sounds like a loose cannon.