To not tell dh about my support bubble?

[Maisiemiddleton86]

Dh says no and that I can’t have one with my single parent best friend. We aren’t bubbling as a household with anyone else and nor is she so it’s ok as per the rules but he says no.
I am not happy in my marriage and want to leave but the pandemic is making everything more difficult. Mainly I’m planning to meet my friend outside anyway for walks but if it’s freezing or I need the loo or something to eat I may go into her house.
Aibu to just not tell him? I’m feeling really alone right now, last time was absolutely dreadful.

Has he given you a reason that he doesn't think you should bubble, or has he just decided to unilaterally declare "no" and assumes you'll be the good little wife and do as you're told?

YANBU

He just says no.
He thinks it won’t kill me to not see anyone for a few weeks. But it won’t be a few weeks, will it? It’ll drag on and on and on.
I’m having some online therapy sessions too and I’d ideally like to do it from my friend’s because I can’t do it in my own house.

If you are following the rules and being sensible i would ignore him. Unless he or anyone else in the household is clinically vulnerable of course. That would impact my decision. You can make your own decisions and it is important for your mental health .
So go for it I say .

Is he shielding or otherwise vulnerable? Does he have health anxiety about the virus or care for a vulnerable relative? If so then I wouldn't do it behind his back.

If not and it's just because he is being an arse for the sake of it then I'd just go ahead. Also it isnt just about support for you, the support bubble is more for the single adult household and your friend needs to see other humans

As long as he isn't vulnerable health-wise, you are doing nothing wrong.

Why would he even want you not to see anybody for a few weeks?! That’s very strange, I feel annoyed for you and I would definitely bubble up with best friend.

Nope he’s not vulnerable. Both the dc are in school anyway - which if we are going to catch it this seems the most likely route of transmission.
He just says no. Like he sometimes does for other things. He likes lockdown. He likes it being ‘just us.’ Me - not so much.

Exactly, it is also for my friend as she has no family on the doorstep and neither of her parents are alive anymore unfortunately.

If it's within the rules and no-one in your family is vulnerable ... then him dictating to you what you can do (especially something that isolates you) sounds like coercive control territory.

Just do it. If you're going to leave him anyway does it matter? Its perfectly legal so I don't see a problem.

Definitely meet up with your friend and maybe take some time to think about what you want for your future. Use the time to get her to help planning on what you want to do with your relationship as if you are unhappy and feel you have to sneak around in secret it doesn't sound a healthy marriage.

It is possible to split in a pandemic it just takes more planning.

He is not your boss. He hasn’t got your best interests at heart. Do what’s right for you and your friend.

What happens if you tell him you're doing it despite his saying no?

I don’t feel comfortable to say that to him derelictwreck.
He has the final say. It’s not up for discussion. I feel anxious to raise it with him again.

If you are following the rules. Then just go for it. And dont tell him about it. To keep your life less complicated. Andwhen the time ir right please leave this man at the supermarket one day and pack your bags and live a happy happy life without him

I bet he likes being “just us” if he’s as controlling as he sounds. Men like that always do!

Ah. He likes it to be just you? So using the pandemic to isolate and control you?
There's been a lot of talk about domestic violence rising during this year but lockdowns and social distancing is a gift for coercive control too.
See your friend, look after yourself

He has the final say

Op he cannot have the final say on your life! But that is a whole different issue!

Has he secretly added to the bubble?

I would just go ahead!

As long as he isn't vulnerable health-wise, you are doing nothing wrong

No, she's specifically breaking the law - that might be different to if she's doing anything wrong, or indeed if the law makes any sense at all, but a support bubble requires all adults in the household to agree to it, and if they don't then it isn't a support bubble and any meeting that is not otherwise allowed would be illegal.

The law is of course absolutely not fit for purpose in this respect (it prevents people vulnerable to things to other than covid from obtaining relief) but the law is what it says.

I don’t think he’s added to the bubble.

He does unfortunately feel he has the final say around some aspects of my life. Not all - but some.
He has flat out said no several times to what I consider to he fairly reasonable requests (going to an evening class for example).

I didn’t realise that sirfred.
I suppose I’d better hope it’s only four weeks then (it won’t be).

So he's using lockdown as an excuse to control you... See your friend, do your online therapy and don't tell him! You're well within your rights to do that.

I'd be inclined to see if you can move in with your friend, he's being too controlling and who knows where he is going with this.

If you're meeting outside (in England) and it's only one person, you're within the rules according to the .gov website - you don't need to be in an official bubble if it's outside and a public space.
You don't need to tell him.

You'll have to tell him. If you form a bubble and your friend tests positive then that means everyone in your household (which includes DH) will have to self-isolate.

What will he do if you disobey?
I am not saying you should have to do as he says but we arent in your shoes so can’t judge if it’s worth your while to do it
And keep making those plans to leave