To not tell dh about my support bubble?

[Maisiemiddleton86]

Dh says no and that I can’t have one with my single parent best friend. We aren’t bubbling as a household with anyone else and nor is she so it’s ok as per the rules but he says no.
I am not happy in my marriage and want to leave but the pandemic is making everything more difficult. Mainly I’m planning to meet my friend outside anyway for walks but if it’s freezing or I need the loo or something to eat I may go into her house.
Aibu to just not tell him? I’m feeling really alone right now, last time was absolutely dreadful.

Dear OP, you do matter! You aren’t breaking the rules and it’s so great to hear that you are making plans to escape this situation. Please take the opportunity of time at your friend’s house to make your plans and seek help and support. Maybe you could speak to your GP on the phone, they may be able to connect you to local DV charities who could support. Make your plan and stay safe xxx

He has flat out said no several times to what I consider to he fairly reasonable requests (going to an evening class for example)

Fuck that. Sounds like lockdown is just an excuse to keep you in and away from your friends! Meet your friend anyway. Bollocks to him. A support bubble with someone else is perfectly allowed if you're not bubbling with anyone else as a household and you're allowed to meet up with one other person in a public place anyway. What would he do if he found out you were to go out? Sounds horrible

OP, on the bubble issue itself I do think it needs to be a joint decision as it affects both of you. If your pal gets it , it affects your DH.

But aside from that he sounds horrible.

Just confirm all these supportive posters
Would They be happy if a DH was having a secret relationship which would open up his dw and dc to a virus that has shut down nearly the whole global.
I am sure his dw would be call controlling and should be ignored.

OP if you have a problem in your dh yoj need to tell him ( or not) and make arrangements to leave him. If it’s true you , yoj could move in with your friend , problem solved.
Alternatively if you are just using it as an excuse to do what you want, them remember the serious of the situation and the risks your family may be exposed to

Cheesandwin5 if the man were in an abusive highly
controlling relationship and he was genuinely afraid of the wife's temper yes I would say the same.

@Cheeseandwin5

Just confirm all these supportive posters Would They be happy if a DH was having a secret relationship which would open up his dw and dc to a virus that has shut down nearly the whole global. I am sure his dw would be call controlling and should be ignored.

OP if you have a problem in your dh yoj need to tell him ( or not) and make arrangements to leave him. If it’s true you , yoj could move in with your friend , problem solved.
Alternatively if you are just using it as an excuse to do what you want, them remember the serious of the situation and the risks your family may be exposed to

Have you actually read the OP's posts @Cheeseandwin5 ?

What about them suggests to you that she's using her situation as an 'excuse to do what she wants'??

FFS I''m genuinely struggling to understand how you'd accuse someone who is emotionally vulnerable and in an abusive situation of 'making excuses'

There is some cuntish posting on this thread

Oh, fuck him. Pathetic wanker

OP you need your friend. I’m so sorry you are in this situation.

Anyone who thinks you are out of order is heartless.

Cuntish posting indeed. The purpose of The Rules is to protect people from infection. But violence in the home kills more women than Covid ever will. The OP needs support to get out of this controlling relationship. This is legitimate

OP I am a criminal justice manager and my partner is a judge and we both agree. Ignore the rule fetishists, meet with your friend and plan your escape route. A man who uses a pandemic to increase control over you is one you need to get away from.

He sounds horrible and is clearly controlling by all the examples of what you're not allowed to do.

I hope you continue to make your plans and have somewhere safe you can keep a grab bag with all the most important things if you need to leave in a hurry (mainly paperwork and money).

Yes form your bubble and if he finds out and is threatening towards you please call the police X

@Cheeseandwin5. A Secret Relationship makes it sound very sordid/like an affair. Would I be happy if my Partner had one (One!) friend who they met up with to help them get through the loneliness of lockdown? Yes because I’m not a wanker. If my partner was keeping perfectly harmless friendships a secret from me it would probably be because I was massively controlling

It would be better to tell him, since it means he can't also bubble with anyone and he is aware. But do it regardless.

Contact Women's Aid as soon as you can.
Plan as much as you can to leave.
I'd arrange coincidentally meeting your friend outside. I understand how much you need her and your outside time and to have therapy in a nice,comfortable,safe space.

However what would happen if he found out? Would you be at risk?

This is not just a lockdown rules issue. You are being abused,controlled and isolated from you support network and Covid gave your husband even more free reign over your life.

Please be careful.

Alternatively if you are just using it as an excuse to do what you want, them remember the serious of the situation and the risks your family may be exposed to

What the fuck am I reading? What is wrong with you?

You don't need his permission to see your friend. He is trying to control you.

It would be better to tell him, since it means he can't also bubble with anyone and he is aware

Surely that depends on how he'll take it though?
I asked earlier on in the thread (sorry if it's already been answered, missed it if so) what his reaction would be if OP was to go ahead and do it anyway.
I mean, if mine said that, that I couldn't meet up when I knew it was perfectly Ok to, and was generally grumpy about me going out like seems to be the case here, I'd be like "I'm going anyway"
He might sulk but tough shit.
I know that might not be the case for everyone though

Alternatively if you are just using it as an excuse to do what you want, them remember the serious of the situation and the risks your family may be exposed to

Have you read the thread?

@Maisiemiddleton86

He will be very angry at the point of me leaving, I need to tell him and go, so everything has to be ready and in place beforehand.

Maisie, if you fear he will be very angry you do NOT have to tell him in person when you go. I know it feels like you should, but it is a really high-risk situation. Do not put yourself in it. Could anything he might say change your mind? No? So there's no point in giving him the opportunity to try. Protect yourself and your child. Leave, then message or leave a note.

I’m a health professional and if any of my friends or colleagues came to me I would tell them to do it to get out of the abusive situation.
And he is abusive and controlling.
You, your physical and mental health are important.
Make your plans and get out.

The husband isn't bubbling with the friend. Only OP is.
Yes, he'd have to agree if the friend was coming to his home, or if he was meeting her along with OP. But he isn't. He won't be seeing her at all.

OP, please go ahead and see your friend. Outside and at her house. You both need it. She will be lonely otherwise, and you are being controlled and need to escape sometimes.

@EElisavetaOfBelsornia

Cuntish posting indeed. The purpose of The Rules is to protect people from infection. But violence in the home kills more women than Covid ever will. The OP needs support to get out of this controlling relationship. This is legitimate

OP I am a criminal justice manager and my partner is a judge and we both agree. Ignore the rule fetishists, meet with your friend and plan your escape route. A man who uses a pandemic to increase control over you is one you need to get away from.

That, with bells on.

OP, a judge has told you it's okay. So ignore those saying that you legally can't.

The husband isn't bubbling with the friend. Only OP is. Yes, he'd have to agree if the friend was coming to his home, or if he was meeting her along with OP. But he isn't. He won't be seeing her at all

Exactly
Even if you're not bubbling with her, you can meet up with one other person outside of your household in a public place for a walk.
You'd be doing nothing wrong.
You could still bubble if your household needed to with someone but still meet up with her outside for say a daily walk if she lived nearby.

Ignore him

Why does he say no

It’s legal and allowed

Do it - you need support.

There are some utterly horrible, wankerish posters here.

OP, you need your support structure, you are in an abusive relationship and need to establish your escape route etc. Ignore all the tossers telling you what you mustn't do, and do what you need to do. If you are in the Beds/Bucks/Herts area, give me a shout and i will come and help as well.