MIL buying Xmas day outfits for kids

[Islagray11]

Am I being unreasonable in that it annoys me when MIL buys my kids their Xmas day outfits?

For the past couple of years she bought special Xmas day outfits for my son to wear. I just put on what I want him to wear anyway. Then last year I saw her while out shopping. She told me she had seen a really nice outfit for my Son for Xmas that she wanted to buy on behalf of her Mum. I said yes, lovely (thinking she just meant generally as a Xmas gift). She then said "he can wear that on Xmas day then".

She always buys all the "firsts", like first advent calendar, Xmas eve box, outfits. She wanted to buy first shoes. She bought first school shoes.

Am I just being ungrateful, or is she crossing a line?

Just say oh I want to get his Christmas Day outfit x

A bit of both.

Just tell her you've got your own ideas of what you'd like them to wear on Christmas day but thanks for the gift. Same with all the other stuff if it means a lot to you. She will get the message in the end

Do you live together? How is she dressing your child in the morning and you arnt?

For me personally I let my MIL get on with it. She is deliriously excited about being a nanny and is utterly thrilled about buying outfits and first shoes and baking birthday cakes etc.

I’m fine for her to do that and let’s face it, it saves us a small fortune. She took DC to buy first shoes at Clark’s (my 13 month old had £30 shoes!).

If it bothers you, then say I want to get my DC’s first shoes, but if I were you and you have a good relationship with your MIL, let her do a few firsts also. It makes her happy, saves you money. And honestly does it really matter?

Try not to let this turn into a power play between the two of you. I think it sounds as though she is a bit OTT in wanting to buy all the firsts, but it will come from kindness. My MIL wanted to buy all of my two's fitted shoes and coats from their first through to end of key stage 1. I think it's because they were poor growing up, and ILs struggled for cash when DH was small, so wanted to make sure GC didn't want for anything. Great, saved me a fortune, but I was involved with the choosing. Perhaps you should say yes, but you want to be involving in choosing the outfits - if you dont like them, they aren't wearing them!

She just sounds like a lovely involved gran to me. She probably doesn't think in terms of 'firsts' and just thinks about what nice things she could buy for her GS.

Let her get on with it, smile and nod. It's you dressing him so of course you will put him in whatever you like!

Choose to take her "so he can wear that on Xmas day" as suggestions rather than commands. It would obviously be very odd for her to insist further and she knows that, so she won't. Problem solved :)

Thanks all!

You're right in that it doesn't really matter, does it! I know it comes from a good place, it just feels like she's had her time to do that with her own kids.

@slipperywhensparticus no, we don't live together. She doesn't dress my children. She just buys them special Xmas outfits that she wants them to wear on Xmas. I don't put the kids in them until Boxing Day as o have already chosen outfits for them.

My mil likes to pick up random bargains for my DD (when DD already has loads of high quality hand me downs and we have a lack of storage). I've just taken to directing her bargain hunting, so last weekend I asked her to look out for pajamas in the next size, as DD needs some soon. She was more than happy to take on the task.

If your mil enjoys buying things for your ds maybe you could just be assertive and put in requests/ hints for things that your not bothered about her buying.

My mil used to do that but now I ask her not to; I know to some people these things are silly and don’t matter but they matter to me and my mil understood; she was doing it to be kind and help us and after I mentioned it she’d suggest that we went to choose things together as she wanted to help us out by buying things but hadn’t thought about how i might want to be involved.

A little of both. Shes being a bit overbearing and forgetting he's not her son. I think grandparents are still stuck in the mindset of being parents and just sort of fall into what they'd have done with their own kids with their grandkids.
But it's also not a massive big deal.
Just say Oh I don't yet, I like picking his Christmas clothes out. It's one of the fun bits of being a mum isn't it.

I have three children. I had this with both my own mother and my MIL. Plus I’d like to buy my own things.

I put on whatever I liked. Often there had to be a change of clothing as happens anyway with children

BUT I would take photos if the children under the tree with their special Xmas outfit from their grandmother and later give them the photo (my kids are older so we actually had photos developed in those days).

This also includes my children wearing star of david in their Xmas outfit by the Xmas tree- as we’re mixed religion family.

Small gestures go a long way at keeping family unity.

I think it isn't fair for her to want to buy all the 'firsts' but it doesn't hurt to let grandparents do some of them. Does your MIL actually see your son on Christmas day to see him in the outfit she buys?

know it comes from a good place, it just feels like she's had her time to do that with her own kids

Maybe she didn’t. Perhaps her mum or Mil did what she’s doing and she didn’t get the chance. My mum bought school shoes for my son’s entire childhood and I’ll always be grateful for it, it was a massive help.

Both my mother and MIL are like this.
It doesn’t phase me as it takes quite a bit of pressure off me.

If there’s something I want to do/get I just tell them. If I wanted to get DS a Christmas Day outfit for example I would tell them that then buy the one I wanted and put it on DS.

I’m the one dressing him. I put on what I want. Unless your MIL lives with you she won’t have easy access to DS.

Just communicate better xx

Honestly this wouldn’t bother me at all, I couldn’t give a crap about Christmas Day outfits, if they wanted to wear what granny brought or what I brought, it really doesn’t matter. I am very easy going though.

My mil has always bought my twins the most horrific froofy dresses to wear at Xmas ever since their first when they were 3 weeks old. We don't see her on Xmas day so we put them on first thing, take a pic in them saying thanks grandma, post it to fb and change them. They will be 4 this Xmas and one of them appears to have inherited her taste so she may end up staying in it all day 😱

It is a little bit overbearing, I think. I do find it really surprising in these situations that the GPs don't stop and think, "Hang on, if I am getting this much pleasure out of doing all these things for my GC, I wonder if their parents would actually rather enjoy doing it as well". A quick "DIL, I'd love to buy XXX for GC - what do you think? Would something else be better/more helpful?" would go a long way to preserving harmonious relations.

If that's the most annoying thing she does then you need to chill out a bit. Just put your children in whatever clothes you want on christmas day and use her outfits another time if you like 🤷‍♀️

I'd be happy if my PILs wanted to pay for school shoes etc, they're pricey! MIL tried the Xmas day outfit thing, I just said "thank you, what a lovely outfit, DD can wear if in Xmas eve or Boxing Day, I have something picked out for Xmas day". Done.

@VinylDetective

know it comes from a good place, it just feels like she's had her time to do that with her own kids

Maybe she didn’t. Perhaps her mum or Mil did what she’s doing and she didn’t get the chance. My mum bought school shoes for my son’s entire childhood and I’ll always be grateful for it, it was a massive help.

That still doesn't give her the right to buy all the 'firsts' of everything though, she's the grandparent not the parent. Just tell her in future that you don't want her to buy X but you would appreciate Y if she wants to buy something

Surely he is old enough now that he has some say in what he wears? He wouldn't be guaranteed to wear whatever she bought him anyway (or whatever you buy).

Money was so short when our children were young and we have been everlastingly grateful for all the lovely clothes and other things my parents bought them. Grandparents usually recall those times and enjoy buying things that they think will help you. Don’t worry there are plenty of other things you can buy your children so be grateful that they have loving grandparents.

What’s a Christmas Day outfit? I’ve never heard of these. You mean something like a Christmas jumper with a reindeer on?