MIL buying Xmas day outfits for kids

[Islagray11]

Am I being unreasonable in that it annoys me when MIL buys my kids their Xmas day outfits?

For the past couple of years she bought special Xmas day outfits for my son to wear. I just put on what I want him to wear anyway. Then last year I saw her while out shopping. She told me she had seen a really nice outfit for my Son for Xmas that she wanted to buy on behalf of her Mum. I said yes, lovely (thinking she just meant generally as a Xmas gift). She then said "he can wear that on Xmas day then".

She always buys all the "firsts", like first advent calendar, Xmas eve box, outfits. She wanted to buy first shoes. She bought first school shoes.

Am I just being ungrateful, or is she crossing a line?

@GrumpyHoonMain

It’s a nice tradition I think for them to wear clothes from grandma on xmas day -

Not if your the one that's trying to fight to get kids into stuff they don't want to wear and you didn't pick.

@GrumpyHoonMain

It’s a nice tradition I think for them to wear clothes from grandma on xmas day -

How long do you think that tradition will last - between the ages of 0 and 4 maybe.

@Bubbletrouble43 that made me lol! The grandma gene is strong in your dd

@frazzledasarock

For me personally I let my MIL get on with it. She is deliriously excited about being a nanny and is utterly thrilled about buying outfits and first shoes and baking birthday cakes etc.

I’m fine for her to do that and let’s face it, it saves us a small fortune. She took DC to buy first shoes at Clark’s (my 13 month old had £30 shoes!).

If it bothers you, then say I want to get my DC’s first shoes, but if I were you and you have a good relationship with your MIL, let her do a few firsts also. It makes her happy, saves you money. And honestly does it really matter?

What a lovely post, you sound very kind and gracious.

My MIL lived far away from us when my children were small. Her taste in kids clothes was nothing like mine but it gave her pleasure to buy them. I too dressed them in the froofy frocks and shirt and tie (at 2 years old!) for five minutes and took pictures. Everyone happy.

And I'm a grandma now and always follow strict instructions regarding gifts for my grandchildren

I used to work in a shoe shop that measures feet and sold baby shoes. Believe me it IS a really special moment to buy your child's first shoes and see them walk in them. I used to see couples come and have the service and there was such joy in it.

I've never seen a granny come in on their own and measure up a baby DGC and buy shoes for them and rejoice in the special moment. If I had seen one I'd have thought it was because the mum was incapacitated.

If you are happy to do that, fine but for me that would be a massive step over the boundaries,

One thing I am grateful for is that I have enjoyed my children. I haven't let anyone take over and I have lovely memories.

Make the most of it. I doubt she will be wanting to buy first secondary school uniform!

@0blio

And I'm a grandma now and always follow strict instructions regarding gifts for my grandchildren

We would have done until we asked what to buy our grandson for his birthday. The response was he needed a coat and shoes. At which we pointed out it’s his parents’ job to buy those things and his birthday present is for him, not them. He’s getting books.

Let your children pick their new outfit to wear on Xmas day. If they are too young to express a preference you pick one and change it for the other when they inevitably get it dirty. Solved.

As other pp said, generous and over bearing.
I would certainly ask if I saw something special for my gc!.I'd love to buy something really special for them, expensive that dc couldn't buy, something to pass down but I'd always ask over larger or special gifts!

I have learned so much from my Mil.... About what not to do..

Wow vinyl!.. I'd happily buy coats and shoe's for gc what's wrong with you?

I'd be thrilled infact to be able to buy necessary staples! It's great they felt comfortable to ask you. Unless they are rolling in lolly... What on earth is the problem

I wish I could have asked Mil for things like this, sometimes dh and in were so short, brought coats and then she would buy a coat, or doubled up on underwear and dressing gown and yet we struggled for shoes.
We could afford things but had to really tightly budget. And Mil randomly buying this stuff was such a total waste of her money and time.. Once or twice dh tried to diplomatically say. .. Would it be possible to help out with x.but then it would be turned into a sort of stick to beat him with.... In the end I stopped feeling guilty and sold useless doubles or extras we didn't need to buy what we did ... Or gave it away if wouldn't get much £.

She had loads of ££, money was tight, right after the cc, dh had to take pay cut, many in his team were made to redundant etc... It really set us back. Had we been able to communicate with Mil, it would have been a mutually beneficial arrangement.
. Unfortunately it was just another example of why relations eventually broke to the point of no return.

I can see your side as he's your child] but I would be very happy if my MIL brought things for my child.
If something is really important to you then tell her but gently. So if you want to buy a Christmas day outfit then explain that to her but ask if she'll buy a Boxing day outfit or Christmas pyjamas etc.

My mum does this my MIL is not in touch.

I let her. I won't have her forever so I let her do these things. Your DH may feel the same.

In the big scheme of things it's only an outfit.

I think she just wants to be involved but your equally entitled to refuse.

@cheeseismydownfall

It is a little bit overbearing, I think. I do find it really surprising in these situations that the GPs don't stop and think, "Hang on, if I am getting this much pleasure out of doing all these things for my GC, I wonder if their parents would actually rather enjoy doing it as well". A quick "DIL, I'd love to buy XXX for GC - what do you think? Would something else be better/more helpful?" would go a long way to preserving harmonious relations.

This in absolute spades.

@VinylDetective why? Coats for DC can be so beautiful and a good gift. Why are you upset at being asked for coats and shoes when you asked for gift ideas?
Wouldn’t you appreciate a coat or shoes as gifts?

@0blio my MIL is a lovely woman. We went together to get DC’s first shoes as she asked to buy first shoes, I was frantically trying to steer her towards cheaper options but she wanted Clark’s. I’m always going to love MIL, she’s loving towards my older DC, she’s thrilled to be a nanny to my younger dc.
It is a massive kindness imo that she wants to buy things for dc. I can see she dotes on my dc and frankly having had dreadful IL’s who were cruel to my older dc I utterly appreciate her.
And she’s raised a pretty decent son. And this may be very un-MN but I had her at the birth of my dc (her first grandchild) because she asked (altho DH said nope as he thought I’d be upset).

OP if you have a good relationship with your MIL you could suggest shopping together. Maybe not now due to lockdown Burbank in future.

I used to work in a shoe shop that measures feet and sold baby shoes. Believe me it IS a really special moment to buy your child's first shoes and see them walk in them. I used to see couples come and have the service and there was such joy in it.

DH and I must be monsters then because I clearly remember us taking DS to get his first shoes and I felt nothing in particular about it

Dress him in it first thing, take photo, post on FB, feed him breakfast, change his outfit. Job done.

@VinylDetective was your objection that a child wouldn’t be interested in clothes or shoes? A couple of relatives have chosen to buy coats as gifts for my children, without it being suggested, and they have been brilliant presents. They chose ones the children love, and putting them on is enjoyable. They don’t have multiple coats, so they’re enjoyed every day.

Consider this 'Christmas Day clothes' trend in a new light. It is hugely wasteful to buy clothing that will be worn once a year then discarded. A massive environment fail.

It used to it irritate me. Then I realised how much money it saved by letting them get on with it. I'm more than happy to let them spend whilst they're here to do it! Our time will come when the kids bleed us dry 😂

@Guineapigbridge

Consider this 'Christmas Day clothes' trend in a new light. It is hugely wasteful to buy clothing that will be worn once a year then discarded. A massive environment fail.

Surely Christmas Day clothes are just smart clothes that will be worn going out to dinner or to any other parties during the year!

No it wouldn't worry me at all, I'd probably suggest to her what to buy and check the size with her to make sure it's right. It costs nothing to do this and will give her pleasure

I would do a list and work out what you are happy to delegate to her. Then work out what you want to do with your DC and are happy to include her in, have her tag along and experience and then work out what you want completely to yourself. I think you will find the latter is smaller than you think.

For example, my MIL was absolutely not taking my DC to their first Santa experience however I was happy for GP's to come along with us, be there, have a photo, all have lunch together afterwards. After this she is welcome to take them every day of the week for all I care. I am not being excluded from my DC's special memories.

On the other hand I don't do Christmas clothes. Who is actually going to appreciate that lovely waistcoat and shirt exactly or the Christmas jumper that has the potential to spontaneously combust when it comes into contact with my Mandarin Cinnamon Christmas candle? Who is going to see the lovely chiffon and gold sequinned bridesmaid type dress? What a waste.

WokesFromHome
If you don't do Christmas day clothes, what do your kids wear to Christmas Parties etc?

We just wear clothes, I didn't know there was a need for 'Christmas clothes' seems not good for the environment to just have clothes for one day