MIL buying Xmas day outfits for kids

[Islagray11]

Am I being unreasonable in that it annoys me when MIL buys my kids their Xmas day outfits?

For the past couple of years she bought special Xmas day outfits for my son to wear. I just put on what I want him to wear anyway. Then last year I saw her while out shopping. She told me she had seen a really nice outfit for my Son for Xmas that she wanted to buy on behalf of her Mum. I said yes, lovely (thinking she just meant generally as a Xmas gift). She then said "he can wear that on Xmas day then".

She always buys all the "firsts", like first advent calendar, Xmas eve box, outfits. She wanted to buy first shoes. She bought first school shoes.

Am I just being ungrateful, or is she crossing a line?

I do think MILs can’t win to be fair - either too over baring or too absent

Accept but suggest that the kids at least get a say in what they wear. It can be a fight to get my two into stuff they don't like.

Christmas day outfits has always been a thing along with Sunday best, for many your Christmas Day clothes became next years Sunday best!
So smart clothes but not completely OTT.

I think it’s fine as long as she doesn’t kick up a fuss/ try to police if they actually wear it.

Not quite the same, but I bought my niece a novelty elf outfit for her first xmas because I thought it was cute... but I assumed it would be up to her parents if/when they decided to put her in it.

MIL bought DS1's first shoes - I was a bit sad at the time (TBH, more that I wasn't even there) but 10 years later it doesn't matter at all to me (I even find it amusing that by DS2 she completely forgot about this tradition).

Christmas outfits I'd probably feel the same about - annoyed at the time, then years later it's not even on the radar. Mind you, if she buys them special outfits then she can bloody well wrestle them into them. I still remember when I did it and there were tears all round (for at least 3 minutes, then they forgot they were wearing clothes I'd wanted them to wear and got on with Christmas)

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth OP.

Let her buy the £40 shoes if it makes her happy.

A bit of both. She means well and it won't go on forever.

It does sound like a tug of war between you, but personally I wouldn't get into this top trumps game. If she buys clothes just put them on if you want to, don't if you don't. They're just pieces of material so hardly worth getting into a fight over. If she wants to buy first things, let her. You'll find they rarely get filled in or used. Basically why would you care?

I buy both my DGS Xmas sweaters but don't insist they wear them on Xmas Day! They usually choose what they wear now - aged 5 and 8.

Be grateful MiL buys them stuff. Some kids don't have grandparents who care.

Why do you let her away with doing the 'firsts'? It may come from a good place but MIL has had her time and she is being selfish not allowing you to create your firsts with your own DC. Not everyone is bothered by this type of thing but your clearly annoyed so tell her to stop.

I’m sure her heart is in the right place, but you don’t have to allow her the accolade of ‘first’ anything if you don’t want.

Let her buy the stuff and then put it away as a spare. Let her buy the shoes but go with them to get them? Having to buy school shoes is a) a massive ball ache and b) HUGELY expensive over the years, so I say let that one go

It is sweet in a way as she is obviously an excited grandma however if it annoys you I would pipe up. They can always wear the outfit on xmas eve or boxing day.

As for the other first you need to speak to her. A 'thanks but I have already bought x, y ', would be a start. Yabu to stew about it when you could talk amicably.

I can't excited about this. Surely if they are school age all the 'firsts' that you mentioned have already passed anyway?

As for wearing 'Christmas Day clothes' well that's just bizzare anyway.

Just tell her to stop if it bothers you so much. Personally I am always happy if someone else wants to buy my children something.

I really hate it when I hear people say "She has had her chance with her own kids".
I've only ever heard it on MN and it is appalling.
You are lucky she is interested at all OP. You sound precious to me and if you were my DIL I wouldnt be bothering with you.

Ah she's just excited about being a granny i think but you're doing the right thing, accept the gift and put them on him whenever you want over the Christmas period

Do peoples kids have Xmas day outfits??? (Totally misses point of thread!)

Enjoy the free stuff.

@Cyw2018

My mil likes to pick up random bargains for my DD (when DD already has loads of high quality hand me downs and we have a lack of storage). I've just taken to directing her bargain hunting, so last weekend I asked her to look out for pajamas in the next size, as DD needs some soon. She was more than happy to take on the task.

If your mil enjoys buying things for your ds maybe you could just be assertive and put in requests/ hints for things that your not bothered about her buying.

I used to do this with ex-MIL with mixed success because of quality/compatibility issues... It worked for things like pyjamas where the quality/style didn't matter so much, but she'd often buy him huge cheap versions of branded toys which simply weren't compatible with the branded version (Magformers, Lego) or didn't work/broke easily (Transformers), which led to DS being upset and frustrated, and me dealing with the fallout and the frequent additions to landfill

On the plus side, Ex-H now gets to deal with this as all her gifts are kept at his house

I find it more bizarre that you know in November what the DC will be wearing on Xmas day.

The thing is it's lovely she buys clothes, but she can't dictate when they are worn.

Its both isn't it? It is generous and also overbearing of her.

I think the issue here is you are both too similar, and both really value getting your children nice clothes for special occasions and celebrating firsts. I wouldn't really mind that much, but those aren't things I value hugely. You are allowed to set your own boundaries around this if it matters to you.

Only you know what kind of reaction you will get if you decide to consider her 'demands', 'suggestions' as a PP suggested.

Oh dear, I better stop buying for my gc, I didn't think it was such a bad thing to do.
I'll call dil and apologise at once, had no idea spending my money on gc was unacceptable.

Give your head a wobble.
If you don't want her to do something tell her, and stop the resentment.

Nah wouldn't bother me as makes my life cheaper

So just tell her you already have an outfit for Christmas Day but you're sure he can wear it some time that week.

Put him in it on a day when he's seeing her. Take a picture of him in it and send that to her. Nice, easy gestures.

@ApolloandDaphne

She just sounds like a lovely involved gran to me. She probably doesn't think in terms of 'firsts' and just thinks about what nice things she could buy for her GS.

^^this

I feel so sorry for MILs on here, they can’t do right for doing wrong. And I hate that attitude of “well she had her chance with her own kids” why do you want to deprive her of her chance to be a devoted granny too? I would love it if my MIL was still around to spoil my kids. Some women on here seem to deliberately try to find fault with their MILs and I find it very sad.