MIL buying Xmas day outfits for kids

[Islagray11]

Am I being unreasonable in that it annoys me when MIL buys my kids their Xmas day outfits?

For the past couple of years she bought special Xmas day outfits for my son to wear. I just put on what I want him to wear anyway. Then last year I saw her while out shopping. She told me she had seen a really nice outfit for my Son for Xmas that she wanted to buy on behalf of her Mum. I said yes, lovely (thinking she just meant generally as a Xmas gift). She then said "he can wear that on Xmas day then".

She always buys all the "firsts", like first advent calendar, Xmas eve box, outfits. She wanted to buy first shoes. She bought first school shoes.

Am I just being ungrateful, or is she crossing a line?

Anything that saves me money is ok with me.

@Chucklecheeks01

I find it more bizarre that you know in November what the DC will be wearing on Xmas day.

Glad I'm not the only one who thinks this!

If she's bought his first cschool shoes then I think if you dont wwant this you have let it go on too long

It's pretty simple isn't it. Gifts are given freely. Obligations come with strings.

No nice person tells the recipient what to do with a gift. They give freely, with the hope it will be appreciated. A nice recipient receives with good grace. No-one is obliged to like / wear / use a giift. They are entirely free to re-gift it if unwanted, or to wear it once for a photograph, or when seeing the person, then pass it on.

My mother always picked Christmas Day outfits for my children. She got so much pleasure doing this and I was happy for her .

OP

If your mother wanted to buy Christmas clothes for your kids, would you feel the same resentment.

Ungrateful I would lean towards as firsts really aren't important in the scheme of things. I've had many chats with my parents about childhood I don't think I've ever been curious or asked who brought me the first chribox! I barely even know what age I was when I first walked.

Same with my own children, they have zero interest in that stuff, what they are interested in is having grandparents, and family that love them, teach them and want the best for them and aren't squabbling.

She sounds caring, her main fault being that she lacks any comprehension into how you view her.
You sound insufferable.
"She's had her chance"

@Peace43

Do peoples kids have Xmas day outfits??? (Totally misses point of thread!)

Yes, that was my response. Why? And are they Christmas jumpers with reindeer deelyboppers or something?

My MIL has the most appalling taste in children’s clothes, so we’ve steered her towards pyjamas where she can indulge her taste for ‘novelty’ stuff to her heart’s content.

I must be horribly mercenary because ever time I read threads like this I think surely anything you don't have to fork out for is a win. 😁 Id have been thrilled to get my kids clothes and toys bought by someone else. The little sods cost a bloody fortune to raise

Can you just sell them?

Is this a joke? If not, wtf is wrong with you?

Just let her get on with it and be happy that she is paying for it (make sure its suitable though!). Do you really need to be 'firsts' for everything?

I wonder if she never bought anything if you would be on here complaining about what a tight fisted stingy MIL she was......

Be grateful and let it go.

Am I the only one that is impressed at all the posters whose DC will happily wear a random outfit that someone else has chosen for them, that they've had no say in at all?

Unless your DC are under about 3 of course.

My MIL tried this, even once brought Santa's present on Christmas Eve because she was 'so excited'

I didn't want to make a big scene so I just dealt with it by being vague and withdrew a bit whenever she did anything particularly mental. Mostly I just said 'that's nice' and did my own thing anyway.

If it was anything particularly important (like shoes) I'd invite her to come along with us, but I'd do the choosing.

Am I the only one that is impressed at all the posters whose DC will happily wear a random outfit that someone else has chosen for them, that they've had no say in at all?

What's to be impressed about? That's an awful lot of kids

@frazzledasarock

For me personally I let my MIL get on with it. She is deliriously excited about being a nanny and is utterly thrilled about buying outfits and first shoes and baking birthday cakes etc.

I’m fine for her to do that and let’s face it, it saves us a small fortune. She took DC to buy first shoes at Clark’s (my 13 month old had £30 shoes!).

If it bothers you, then say I want to get my DC’s first shoes, but if I were you and you have a good relationship with your MIL, let her do a few firsts also. It makes her happy, saves you money. And honestly does it really matter?

I'm with you. Generous Nanna's save cash strapped Mummys lots of dosh!!

I know it comes from a good place, it just feels like she's had her time to do that with her own kids.

Maybe she didn't? Maybe her DMiL or DM did that for her?

My Mum also wanted to but their first shoes and some other things, initially I would pick her up and we would choose together (my Dad had died recently and it was a way of getting her out and about too) but latterly she didn't want to come and choose so would just give the money and ask for a photo or visit. She didn't like denim or football strips on babies so I'd choose something that I thought she'd like as well as me.

I love it when my mum or MIL buy outfits for them for special occasions and don't mind encouraging this.

However, I think it depends if you regularly feel that your MIL oversteps the mark - mine doesn't but I can imagine I would start to find every little thing like this annoying if she did.

The only BU to me is thinking of outfits for your kids to wear on Christmas day 6 weeks in advance. Or even giving this headspace. Does it matter what they wear on Christmas Day really ?

I definitely understand your point of view. My MIL is the same and I used to get so pissed off at her until I realised that she is just excited to have her first grandchild and wants to help.
My way around it is when she says what she wants to buy, I ask her to send pictures so I can see as I had something in mind. I sometimes veto what she wants and suggest something more suited to what I want. It has probably saved us thousands since pregnancy and this way she feels involved, and I get what I want as well.
She just loves your kid so use that to come to a compromise as surely you both want the same thing

I always love it when my mum and mil do stuff like this because they enjoy it and they're kind and caring. Can't see the harm really. But then I don't get the big deal about first either 🤷‍♀️

@RedskyAtnight

Am I the only one that is impressed at all the posters whose DC will happily wear a random outfit that someone else has chosen for them, that they've had no say in at all?

Unless your DC are under about 3 of course.

That's why I suggested that the kids should have a say in what their Gran buys.

Even I remember as a small child having strops over what I wore.

You don't sound like you particularly want to get a special outfit and you don't sound like you have any real issues with MIL

Stop making a drama out of this and fight the battles worth winning, if you don't care and she does let her have the memories.

know it comes from a good place, it just feels like she's had her time to do that with her own kids

My parents say that having grandchildren is not remotely like having children. It's much more fun.

I couldn’t be bothered to get upset about this unless what she buys is not what your child wants or really not to your taste. When mine were little we hardly bought them any presents as both sets of grandparents were so keen to give gifts - they bought the gifts the kids had asked for. At that age children don’t really understand what comes from who (mine thought it all came from Santa anyway) - you are still orchestrating everything. It sounds like MIL ran the outfit by you first. I’d see it as a bonus if she wants to spend her money on your child - what child cares who pays for his school shoes? She’s doing you a favour.