MIL buying Xmas day outfits for kids

[Islagray11]

Am I being unreasonable in that it annoys me when MIL buys my kids their Xmas day outfits?

For the past couple of years she bought special Xmas day outfits for my son to wear. I just put on what I want him to wear anyway. Then last year I saw her while out shopping. She told me she had seen a really nice outfit for my Son for Xmas that she wanted to buy on behalf of her Mum. I said yes, lovely (thinking she just meant generally as a Xmas gift). She then said "he can wear that on Xmas day then".

She always buys all the "firsts", like first advent calendar, Xmas eve box, outfits. She wanted to buy first shoes. She bought first school shoes.

Am I just being ungrateful, or is she crossing a line?

Christmas Day Outfits are a thing now? Blimey.

Just direct her towards things you need, surely kids are allowed to wear the clothes on other days too?

My grandmother used to buy our Christmas Day outfits and it became something really special for us as we got older.
She loved clothes, all her GC got outfits that suited them (most of the time, I do recall one purple frilly number as the eldest she hadn't realised I was growing up )
All her GC has a great bond with her until she died when I was in my 20s, so I think YABU.

She doesn't need to do everything but let her have something that is hers to do for her GC.
(And yes to school shoes, they're expensive and only get more so as the feet get bigger!)

I can understand why she would want to do a couple of things, it's only natural she wants to treat your DC. I think the issue is where it feels forced.
I think the best way to tackle it is to be polite and casual and say something like 'thank you for offering to buy xxxx first shoes, thats kind but I'd like to buy them as they are his first, why don't you come with me when we go shopping so we can look together?' she can't be put out when you say it like that.
My mil wants to do a xmas eve box for our DC , its not something I would do as DC will have presents on Xmas day but I have no issue her doing it.
The only time my Mil got abit huffy about something was when I said I was doing my DCs 1st Birthday cake. Mil usually does the cakes for other family members but always complains about it to us so we didn't ask her and I wanted to do it anyway. She got over it pretty quickly but I think she felt put out we didn't ask :/

@Nottherealslimshady

I think grandparents are still stuck in the mindset of being parents and just sort of fall into what they'd have done with their own kids with their grandkids.

Or maybe, just maybe, thinking that they're doing a nice thing for their grandchildren (as well as helping out their DIL/SIL)?

Some things that can become chores as a parent are much more enjoyable as a grandparent.

@frazzledasarock

For me personally I let my MIL get on with it. She is deliriously excited about being a nanny and is utterly thrilled about buying outfits and first shoes and baking birthday cakes etc.

I’m fine for her to do that and let’s face it, it saves us a small fortune. She took DC to buy first shoes at Clark’s (my 13 month old had £30 shoes!).

If it bothers you, then say I want to get my DC’s first shoes, but if I were you and you have a good relationship with your MIL, let her do a few firsts also. It makes her happy, saves you money. And honestly does it really matter?

So did mine and I bought them myself 🤷‍♀️

@LucillevsLowkee

Christmas Day Outfits are a thing now? Blimey.

Just direct her towards things you need, surely kids are allowed to wear the clothes on other days too?

Nope, not a "thing now" at all. Always been a thing.

My Victorian granny used to dress up in her finery for Christmas day, even aged 100 and taught her children to do the same. The expectation was that you bought good quality fabric and wool in December and made the children new, warm clothes to debut at church on Christmas day. My Mum used to bring fabric home wrapped in crinkly brown paper and I would hear her sewing machine once I was in bed. It was so exciting.

This is not a faux aghast, oh no and elves too subject at all.

Can you just sell them?

Totally get it. I would do a combination of taking pics with the outfit the day before and putting them in what I wanted for Xmas. I would go with them to do the shoe fitting enjoy it with DC and then they can pay if they wanted to. Other things I would have to say, oh I’ve already got that sorted thanks , how about you do X instead.
My parents in law took my first Child to visit Her first Father Christmas in a grotto without me even knowing they were doing it when she was 3 (they had her for the afternoon in late November). I only heard about it with DD came back to me telling me all about it. I was so upset.

Your MIL sounds kind and generous. Appreciate it

@cheeseismydownfall

It is a little bit overbearing, I think. I do find it really surprising in these situations that the GPs don't stop and think, "Hang on, if I am getting this much pleasure out of doing all these things for my GC, I wonder if their parents would actually rather enjoy doing it as well". A quick "DIL, I'd love to buy XXX for GC - what do you think? Would something else be better/more helpful?" would go a long way to preserving harmonious relations.

One of the most sensible posts I've ever seen on mums net!

I wouldn't get too worked up about it. She's overexcited, that's all.

My MIL sends all sorts of things for my DC that are totally unnecessary. If it treads on my toes in some way then I would just buy whatever I was going to buy anyway and not worry about it. You're the one in charge, so if you specifically wanted to get them their first shoes then you can still do that if she's bought some. Just use the shoes that you bought first - problem solved.

As others have said, it's saving you money and doesn't do any harm. (I'm assuming that your MIL is generally alright as you haven't said otherwise... obviously if there is history of her behaving inappropriately then that changes things)

Let her crack on and just regift them. If they are truly horrific put them in the 'dressing up bin'. Don't take pictures of them in the clothes. In fact I would send pictures of them in other stuff so she gets the message.

You’ve already sorted it! She picks the outfit and it makes her happy. You put your DS in the clothes you’d already chosen which makes you happy. You put your DS in her outfit choice on Boxing Day. It works for everyone.

Think of it as kindness, not imposition. Possibly suggest things that would be more helpful/suitable. She’s doing it out of love.

My mum told me she hadn’t expected to be blindsided by how much love she felt for her grandchildren. “As much as you love your own children, but without the fears or worries.” After that, whenever she was a bit overbearing, I thought of where she was coming from and it didn’t bother me at all.

(And saved us quite a lot)

@Redwinestillfine

Let her crack on and just regift them. If they are truly horrific put them in the 'dressing up bin'. Don't take pictures of them in the clothes. In fact I would send pictures of them in other stuff so she gets the message.

Why are some people so bloody spiteful? By all means if you want her to stop doing it then tell her, but why would anyone go out of their way to be so nasty in response to a family member trying to do a nice thing for their GC?

Personally OP, I couldn't get worked up over this. You get to choose what your children wear all year round. Christmas Day outfits really don't matter in the scheme of things. Would it be so much of an issue to just accept the gifts and let them wear what she buys?

It does come from kindness but also a bit of shortsightedness. Completely unaware that the mother would actually buy those things too. I think it’s a great indicator of how they view your and their role too.

I had this with mil and my own mother. Mil quietly got the hump about it but my mother couldn’t hide her frustration and annoyance

After I let it go for a while I told mil that she’d have to return it as I’d already bought one not sure what she did with it. When I told my mother I’d already bought it even after telling her I was buying it she still fumed away

All you have to say is ‘Iv already bought outfits for Xmas day, they will look lovely on Boxing Day.’

If your children are young enough to wear the clothes that mum/gran have picked out for them to wear, then they are young enough to get them very messy very quickly and require several changes. So they can wear both the outfit you pick out and the outfit your MIL picks out.

If your children are older than this, perhaps they should be the ones deciding?

@Redwinestillfine

Let her crack on and just regift them. If they are truly horrific put them in the 'dressing up bin'. Don't take pictures of them in the clothes. In fact I would send pictures of them in other stuff so she gets the message.

What’s wrong with you the MIL isn’t trying to be spiteful like you are.

This kind of thing happened with my exMIL. At first, with my PFB I was really miffed - but I quickly realised I was saving a fortune and it was making her happy. Win/win.

Possibly not think and getting overexcited by it all.

'Dear MIL here is a nice photo of the kids by the tree in their Christmas Outfits'

Worn or not on Christmas day is up to you - but pragmatically, nice clothes and christmas dinners are not the best combo

Yes, I agree with you, assuming that she had that option to do all the firsts with her own kids, and didn't have a pushy mother/MIL who did it all for her too then she should allow you to have your firsts.

Seems like you're mostly dealing with it anyway, so I don't think you need to rock the boat with her - just accept, smile and do what you want anyway.

But it IS annoying when they've already had all that with their own kids AND want it with yours too.

MIL made the mistake of buying DS1 his first bike - randomly, not even a birthday or Christmas present, and it was a shit thing from Aldi as well. I was SO cross - bikes are a "big present", I wanted to get him his first one, pick one I knew he'd like and give it to him for his next birthday - but here she was rocking up mid year, no context, with some crappy thing. DH just started putting it together because she asked him to, and didn't really "get" why I was so cross until I explained it, then he understood but it was too late by then.

Anyway - maybe I over-reacted but it's never happened again and I still get on fine with MIL.

I’d love it if mine did that 😊 but if you’d rather and didn’t I’d just say thank you for your kindness and generosity but would you mind if I chose their Christmas Day outfit ?

I think you're being petty. Why does it matter that she has bought their outfit for Christmas Day or school shoes. Unless your life is very boring, who bought what is going to seem very trivial in a few years. If she wants to spend money on clothes leave her to it.