MIL buying Xmas day outfits for kids

[Islagray11]

Am I being unreasonable in that it annoys me when MIL buys my kids their Xmas day outfits?

For the past couple of years she bought special Xmas day outfits for my son to wear. I just put on what I want him to wear anyway. Then last year I saw her while out shopping. She told me she had seen a really nice outfit for my Son for Xmas that she wanted to buy on behalf of her Mum. I said yes, lovely (thinking she just meant generally as a Xmas gift). She then said "he can wear that on Xmas day then".

She always buys all the "firsts", like first advent calendar, Xmas eve box, outfits. She wanted to buy first shoes. She bought first school shoes.

Am I just being ungrateful, or is she crossing a line?

@goingtotown

OP If your mother wanted to buy Christmas clothes for your kids, would you feel the same resentment.

Good point.

This really got to me last Christmas as a few people thought it’d be great to buy ‘my first Christmas’ things for my first baby inc. my Mil and it felt like a massive waste as my dc didn’t wear any of it. Just give her a call and say ‘hey Mil, I’ve been thinking more about what you said re Xmas outfit for DC and tbh, I really want to sort this myself. Happy for them to wear something you pick on Boxing Day but Xmas is special to me. I know you’ll understand being a mum yourself.”

You're right in that it doesn't really matter, does it! I know it comes from a good place, it just feels like she's had her time to do that with her own kids.

My mum and dad spent an absolute fortune on all their grandchildren, including some firsts and it definitely came from a place of love also.

Picking up on what you said about it feeling like she had her time to do that with her own kids, things were very different financially for my own parents when we were growing up and we didn't have much at all. Could it be similar with your MIL?

I can understand it is annoying but I do agree with a number of the posters here, that this is your MIL's way of saying how much she loves the kids. I think its a little bit of happiness that I would definitely not want to stop or fall out over.
You will still be the one your kids want and will be the one who is likely to share most of their 'firsts'
I would let her have this- and be thankful your kids have someone who loves them as much as you do.

It wouldn't bother me tbh. As long as the kids are happy, it doesn't matter to me who provides 'firsts' etc.

"Thanks Mil, that outfit looks good. I've already bought their Xmas day outfit but I'll use yours on another special day"

You're right in that it doesn't really matter, does it! I know it comes from a good place, it just feels like she's had her time to do that with her own kids. You know your relationship will be the strongest in your DC's life (at least until they get their own partners). But their life will be enriched by other strong relationships, and anything that helps your MIL to bond and feel invested in your DC is to their benefit.

TBH this is something that wouldn't have bothered me.

I think it is a lovely generous gesture and comes from kindness. I think you are being ungrateful personally.

That said, if you are unhappy, try talking to her. Communication solves so many problems.

I actually went on a course to make, ice cakes and do toppers and then made my DC's cakes for their birthdays because if I hadn't, my MIL would have totally taken over this and I would have been very upset.

Sounds a bit extreme, but so glad I did and I am now a great baker!

I think you're really lucky OP. Neither set of grandparents were interested when mine were little & I really struggled practically & financially. Due to that, I'll need to be mindful of not going over the top when/if I have grandchildren of my own.

Ok so it sounds like I'm making a big deal over nothing.

I wasn't going to pull her up on it. It's just something that irritates me and I wondered if other people felt the same way.

I'm grateful to those who understand! For a bit more background info, she does have form for being overbearing. She would turn up at my house unannounced daily after having the baby, often bringing friends with her. She would constantly tell me how I should be parenting differently and acting as if I didn't know anything about my child. Maybe this is why it annoys me even more than normal.

I just can't get out of my head that it is a lack of respect. I think it's one thing to say that she would like to put some money towards a nice outfit, but another to pick it and tell me he is wearing it on a certain day. I wouldn't be bothered if she bought normal clothes. I can't imagine why any Grandparent would think it's up to them to pick which Christmas or birthday outfit (this has happened too) their grandkid should wear. They are 3 and 6 months old.

I totally get where you are coming from, it's not nice to have the decisions for your own children taken out or your hands. I would say, if she suggests it, you tell her what to buy something like "oh yes, I saw something I wanted dc to wear in whatevershop last week, I'll send you the link"

My MIL is very much like this. It used to annoy me but she absolutely dotes on my children and can't help herself. I let her get on with it now. Lol

Id rather a grandma like her than one that shows no interest and doesn't buy any presents.

I would like it. Think of the money you would save. I’d love it if mine did this and then I would put the money if I’d saved into an account for them.

But I do also agree with everyone saying that I should just let it go and be grateful as their in laws weren't interested etc.

We are really lucky that she is absolutely amazing in that sense. I just wish she could see that maybe I'm excited to do those things too.

I buy dgs stuff all the time thankfully dd sees it in the spirit it's meant that I love him and like to treat him just like her grandparents bought treats for her.
Dd isn't daft she will often send me links for things that she likes knowing full well that Granny will buy them or she will ask me to pick something up and I will buy something to wear / play with alongside.
I wouldn't though buy something with an expectation it was worn in preference to something dd has bought so I won't buy a Christmas Day outfit ( clothes I have bought dgs for Christmas are all in the next size) or his first shoes because I think that is dd's entitlement.

Do you like the outfits? If yes I’d just let it wash over you. At 3 years and 6 months old they may well need a change of outfit during the day anyway.

(I do get what you are saying about her overall behaviour, just making the point that Xmas day outfits are probably not the most important battle ground in all this).

Is there a great granny involved too- you mentioned something about MIL wanting to buy something on behalf of her Mum?

I have a dgc and I have always paid for his shoes. I just put money across to dd account for her to get his feet measured and get shoes for him. I sometimes pick him up an outfit if I see something I think my dd would like in a sale. Just ask you mil.yo let you try on outfit then you get to choose outfit.

I just told them that counts as your 1 present to give. Are you sure you want it to be clothes?

In these threads I always feel that motivation and context are important, and no-one but the MIL actually knows for certain.

Is it a power play to be first, to be in control, or is it done from love and excitement? I don't know, and neither does anyone else on here, but people make assumptions both ways.

If it's a power play then it needs to be addressed. If it's excitement and love, then wouldn't she see that it was important and exciting to OP too, and share? But she'll only know that if the OP (nicely) explains that to her.

My MiL always bought my DDs coat (first DGD), but then continued to ONLY want to buy coat for DD and never DS. I know she was being 'helpful' but I had to put a stop to it as DS wondered why she never bought one for him - Yes we raised it, and no she didn't buy him anything else instead.

Bit of give and take needed here. Mil should recognise that you may like to have some input on what your DC wear and she should consult you about the choice. And in turn you could do the photo in front of the Christmas tree thing.

Or collaborate: "Mil that is so kind of you but I was looking forward to choosing their outfits myself this year. Would you like to choose something together or perhaps buy the DC the xxxx (PJs always good) they so desperately need?"

It’s a nice tradition I think for them to wear clothes from grandma on xmas day -