MIL buying Xmas day outfits for kids

[Islagray11]

Am I being unreasonable in that it annoys me when MIL buys my kids their Xmas day outfits?

For the past couple of years she bought special Xmas day outfits for my son to wear. I just put on what I want him to wear anyway. Then last year I saw her while out shopping. She told me she had seen a really nice outfit for my Son for Xmas that she wanted to buy on behalf of her Mum. I said yes, lovely (thinking she just meant generally as a Xmas gift). She then said "he can wear that on Xmas day then".

She always buys all the "firsts", like first advent calendar, Xmas eve box, outfits. She wanted to buy first shoes. She bought first school shoes.

Am I just being ungrateful, or is she crossing a line?

Very ungrateful. Sounds like shes obsessed nanna style with your kids. Let her get on with it. Could be worse she could be a self obsessed woman who hates kids. Your lucky. Buy a xmas outfit now and tell her. Simple.

it depends how 'interferey' she is. If she were overstepping the mark & trying to take over it would annoy the hell out of me but it doesn't really sound like that in your OP

Buying the first shoes is a bit of a grandparent tradition where I’m from as well as first school shoes. I personally think it’s lovely as we will no doubt be buying everything else which will be bloody expensive. I also think some grandparents couldn’t afford to treat their own children as they just didn’t have the money back then so now they want to spend because they can. I say let her go mad if she wants to but if it’s not to your taste tell her so and point her in the direction of things you do like.

I’d have been overjoyed to have a MIL that bought my son a Christmas Day outfit. He never knew her because she died long before he was born!
Don’t sweat the small stuff.
Your son is loved and well cared for! Revel in it and enjoy it!

My own mother did this and it drove me mad. It wasn't just the outfit, but presumption, the demand of when it would be used. I wasn't to polite and accommodating tbh.

It's definitely overbearing especially when the kids are little. Christmas is a massive day (just look at how many threads theee are about xmas already) and it should be you choosing what your kids wear on the day. Totally different is she bought just a Christmassy outfit or a Christmas jumper
My mil insists on buying advent calendars every year (I'm not that bothered now kids are older) which quickly became 'her' Christmas tradition which was annoying but I kind of let her do it but I wouldn't be happy if she was choosing a Christmas outfit .

I feel your pain, l have this with mil and sil, who is childless and likely to remain that way. I find it really overbearing. If l ask them not to they take offence. So l accept it and if it's something l have already bought l chuck it in the charity shop bag

2gorgeous boys..... my thoughts exactly

@Alexandernevermind

Try not to let this turn into a power play between the two of you. I think it sounds as though she is a bit OTT in wanting to buy all the firsts, but it will come from kindness. My MIL wanted to buy all of my two's fitted shoes and coats from their first through to end of key stage 1. I think it's because they were poor growing up, and ILs struggled for cash when DH was small, so wanted to make sure GC didn't want for anything. Great, saved me a fortune, but I was involved with the choosing. Perhaps you should say yes, but you want to be involving in choosing the outfits - if you dont like them, they aren't wearing them!

This is the most sensible logical answer!

She sounds well meaning and it saves you a small fortune not to mention it keeps you on great terms with her.

She's not totally overbearing so go with the flow and say no where necessary.

I let my mum do it because I had no money, not only did it benefit us all but she was deliriously happy and has great memories of all this which is great as she's virtually housebound these days.

If it bothers you tell her. Then she should at least ask if it would be OK to buy this stuff. It is your child and MIL should not assume she can do what he likes over your head. You and your partner should talk to her together so she cannot go behind your back.

It is useful for you to buy 'firsts' so that you know your son's sizes and fit. After that you may be very happy for your MIL to buy things, but you may suggest what he needs sometimes and her generosity may be very helpful. It is a good idea for you to take control.

She can still buy stuff for birthdays and Xmas, of course. However you don't want this to cause a rift, perhaps she might come clean as to what causes her to be so assumptive. best wishes.

I'm just dreaming about this, if I am ever blessed with gc.. Perhaps I could make a tradition... If of course the parents are happy about it, to buy outfits... Given in a large box, tissue paper, Ribbon and then take them and dc to the ballet.. Nutcracker or pantomime... And Christmas afternoon tea.. Somewhere with a fire..
My Christmas treat.
Unless my dds wanted to do that, perhaps a nice treat granny could give and leave everything else to them and not steal their firsts.

DM bought my newborn a 'first Christmas' outfit that matched his two cousins and was essentially a babygro that made him look live a ribbon wrapped present. Christmas morning everyone arrived to us and DM said oh get him changed so they all match, I just said no, he's a baby he doesn't need to be in costume and the only reason people dress children up like that is for social media and it makes me feel queasy. SIL did it and hashtagged making memories..... If you can't be assertive for yourself, be assertive for your child.

I think it’s overbearing. Don’t most people’s parents ask what they grandchildren need/want and have a discussion before buying things for Xmas and birthdays? I know mine do. My grandparents did with me too.

I think that in 10 years you won't care who bought them.

@2gorgeousboys I'm about to experience that very dilemma. I am forever treating dgs and my dd appreciates everything I send him. Ds's partner is expecting a baby, during dd's pregnancy I often bought sleepsuits, vests, cardigans when I saw them just because I saw them and dd was very happy to receive them and use them. I've not bought for ds's baby because I'm well aware that his dp would consider me overstepping the mark. I have offered to pay for things that his dp chooses though and am waiting to see if that offer is accepted. I feel quite sad that I'm not going to be able to treat my two dgc equally and don't doubt that this inequality will be commented on later

Different subject but reminds me of my mum sending cardigans made on a knitting machine, I think she thought I'd had a monkey the arms were so long, bless!

[quote hiredandsqueak]@2gorgeousboys I'm about to experience that very dilemma. I am forever treating dgs and my dd appreciates everything I send him. Ds's partner is expecting a baby, during dd's pregnancy I often bought sleepsuits, vests, cardigans when I saw them just because I saw them and dd was very happy to receive them and use them. I've not bought for ds's baby because I'm well aware that his dp would consider me overstepping the mark. I have offered to pay for things that his dp chooses though and am waiting to see if that offer is accepted. I feel quite sad that I'm not going to be able to treat my two dgc equally and don't doubt that this inequality will be commented on later[/quote]
I know you said you'd offered to pay for things, but how did you approach that conversation? An honest chat about how much you enjoyed picking up the occassional things for your DD when she was pregnant and how you'd love to do the same but don't want to overstep might be the way to go? and if she says she'd rather you didn't, then that can't be cast back later and you could maybe offer to buy something of equal value? Moses basket? etc.

I think it's a lovely thing and my DM did the same for me. MiL didn't but she was older and lived in a small village without much and she wasn't well off. I know she was equally caring and loved DS just as much. Unfortunately she died when DC were toddlers. My dad died just after DS1 was born so I guess with my Mum (now also deceased) being DCs only grandparent (DHs Dad died before our wedding), she tended to spoil them a little more than her her other grandchildren who all had another set of grandparents. My siblings were aware and fine with this. As their DC were older, they'd had lots of benefits of babysitting and treat days out etc that my DC really missed out on - nobodies fault, just the way it is.

hiredandsqueak
I think you have to talk to DS and DIL. Because sure as anything you'll end up in the wrong, no matter what you do if you don't. I could go down the other way, MIL bought SIL stuff all the time, yet she buys us nothing. I'd maybe buy the odd thing, especially everyday clothes, and see how its accepted, and hand over a gift receipt at the same time.

Treating your kids and GC differently could cause more issues.

My mil did this and tbh i just them in the outfits on the day for a couple of hours, took a few pics, sent them to her, then changed them into what id bought for them.

I have spoken to ds, I've offered cash, I'm waiting to see if it is accepted. It's quite difficult to know what to say or do. There is no bad feeling between any of us I'm just very aware that I could very easily do the wrong thing. Ds's dp is no contact with her own parents so I'd like to think I could be as supportive of them as I am to my own dd. I suppose time will tell.

Didn't know that xmas day outfits were a thing

I'd let her get on with it unless you particularly don't like the clothes she is getting, or there is a problem with the fabric, etc. She's just being a doting granny.

I think it's lovely personally. But I get where you are coming from at the same time