‘House keeping money’

[Autumnflakes]

I’m getting back with my Ex partner. One of the reasons we went so wrong is that we never did communication (I expected him to be a mind reader).

One of my bugbears was that I never felt like he ever really contributed to the house in any shape or form.

Beforehand I would have said it’s my house but our home - I bought it before we got together and it’s paid off. I’ve said to him numerous times before to treat it like it was his home etc.

Beforehand he hinted that the bills wouldn’t have gone up that much with him moving in. Granted he would probably pay more towards the food shop than me. I don’t think it’s fair that he was essentially living for free.

How should the monthly bills be split? Should he pay anything towards the maintenance? I.e. my microwave broke (he actually broke it but that’s another story) and it was down to me to replace it. Same with decorating down to me to buy it all and put the graft in.

I’m not sure how we can work it out so it’s more ‘fair’ for both of us? I also lost my job during the first wave and relying on a casual minimum wage job.

DO NOT MOVE THIS MAN IN !
He's after your assets!

But this would be nuts-
30-50% of mortgage
fair enough, i was think he should be paying rent, not just covering half the bills. and insurance, well his stuff will be insured too, why would op cover for his property too?

@VodselForDinner and yes, C- for reading comprehension

Why not work out what it’s costing him to live where he currently lives - rent/bills - and then work out how much extra it will cost you in bills to have him move in - and if his current cost is say £1,500 a month and the extra cost to your bills to have him there is say £300, then split the difference - so take the £1500 and have him give you £300 as that’s an actual cost to you and then take the remaining £1200 he is currently spending and split it - so he saves £600 and you gain £600. Now it’s only costing him £900 a month so he’s made a big saving. And you’re getting the actual extra cost of him living there plus your share of the benefit of shared living.

Seems a fair solution to me.

Half each on everything he's living there and using the facilities the same as you. If he doesn't want to go 50 50 he doesn't move in. X

Half and half, but taking into account difference in earnings.

So if bills are £600 a month then it should be £300 each, but if A brings home £600 and B brings home £300 then it should be A pays £400 and B pays £200 etc.

But he’s saving a lot of money each month by moving in. Why wouldn’t op benefit from that?

When my, now dh, moved in I was in the same situation. I didn't actually want him to contribute towards the house as I wanted him to have no claim to it. However, he paid for 'all' the food, plus our 'fun stuff' such as going out, take aways, long weekends etc. So actually I just budgeted for my household bills and anything left over was just mine. For the larger holidays we've both contribute towards, but if the microwave broke, then he'd pay for it, if the boiler packed up, we'd both pay for it. But I'd always pay the mortgage, gas/electric etc.

Everything 50/50, if any maintenance is needed on the house, or appliance is needed, I don't get why he would expect you to get it? Surely being a couple, it shouldn't matter if he buys it, why is he acting like he's living at a friends house for free. The cheek on him. He's living in your house rent free, and he has the audacity to count his pennies. Tell him man up 50/50 or bye!

50/50 for bills and food. Women regularly get advised here not to pay rent if it is their boyfriend's mortgage as then he's gaining a house and she gains nothing. It'll be interesting to see how opinions differ the other way around.

If it becomes serious however maybe split things proportionate to earnings.

Have you spoken to him?