‘House keeping money’

[Autumnflakes]

I’m getting back with my Ex partner. One of the reasons we went so wrong is that we never did communication (I expected him to be a mind reader).

One of my bugbears was that I never felt like he ever really contributed to the house in any shape or form.

Beforehand I would have said it’s my house but our home - I bought it before we got together and it’s paid off. I’ve said to him numerous times before to treat it like it was his home etc.

Beforehand he hinted that the bills wouldn’t have gone up that much with him moving in. Granted he would probably pay more towards the food shop than me. I don’t think it’s fair that he was essentially living for free.

How should the monthly bills be split? Should he pay anything towards the maintenance? I.e. my microwave broke (he actually broke it but that’s another story) and it was down to me to replace it. Same with decorating down to me to buy it all and put the graft in.

I’m not sure how we can work it out so it’s more ‘fair’ for both of us? I also lost my job during the first wave and relying on a casual minimum wage job.

I think 50/50 bills. He is still getting a great deal as living rent free

If he r3turns the single resident Council Tax reduction will go.

Agree with others and 50/50 on decorating as well, but maintenance and upkeep providing you solely keep the house should be paid for by you.

Agree with above - bills should definitely be 50/50, plus anything that doesn't add real value to the house but is part of normal wear and tear should be split too e.g. microwave breaking, needing to repaint due to marks on the wall etc. The reason this is fair is because you aren't charging him rent to cover those things, so you should go 50/50 instead. The alternative is you charge him rent to cover stuff like that. No way should he be getting enjoyment of your house and not have to even chip in for wear and tear damage and replacements.

You have broken up before and this was a major part. It won't work this time unless he has changed.

Ask him what he plans to pay. If he doesn't offer 50/50 then he hasn't changed.

He should pay 50% of all costs if theres no mortgage. And he should pay for everything he breaks, and you pay for everything you break.

Either 50/50 on all joint bills for the property or, you pay proportionately for your income. Council tax also 50/50. If he doesnt agree dont let him move back in. And if he doesnt pay move him back out quick sharp.

I expected him to be a mind reader....

Are these his words or yours?

I think I can guess the answer

Agree. Normal wear and tear, decorating etc should also be split. Yet not major repairs. He can’t expect to live rent free.

Op, why are you asking on here? Why is he not offering fifty fifty immediately? Has the issue not went away?

Look don’t move this dude in if he’s going to free load off you again.

Oh dear. Why are you getting back together with him?

You’re missing out what your relative earnings are. Now, you may be earning 10x him, that still doesn’t mean it isn’t fair to go 50/50 - but it does make a difference to how it can be viewed.

As a minimum, he should pay the additional council tax and the increase in utility bills. Any bills caused by him (e.g. better TV package) is with him.

The fact that he’s angling to not even pay that? Just don’t do it.

Or accept that in him, you have an expensive hobby 🤷🏻‍♀️

I earn lots more than my husband, and pay for everything but half the food. If the microwave broke, I would pay. If he broke it, I would pay - but only because he’d first have said, and meant, “I’ll replace it.” I’d be happy to, as I have more money, and accidents happen. But I sure as fuck wouldn’t feel that way if he was a cocklodger.

I can’t believe you’re doing this 🙈

You won't get a single person's discount if he moves in, will you?

50/50 or he can live on his own. If you can't talk about this together you shouldn't be moving in together.

50:50 or don't do it.

If you are mortgage-fee, you need to very careful with your property. I draw from my own vast and weary experience of aspiring cocklodger boyfriends who thought my high income and property portfolio translated as I pay for everything and they get free rent. Why should they? It is outrageous entitlement. Never let him talk you into putting his name on your deeds (this property is your retirement fund). Never let him do work at the property, as he could come back and make a legal claim over the home if you part in the future (it has happened to some unfortunate people). Don't put his name on any of the utility bills as he may use that evidence to raise debts at your address. If he leaves in the future, you may have to deal with the fallout...the debt collectors, the bailiffs etc. He should pay 50% of the running costs of your home. If he is unwilling, then he is using you as a cheap way of having accommodation and a nice life without paying for it.

Loving that the failure to communicate was all your fault, too.

It doesn't matter how much you were paying before, you should both be paying half now. £300 is reasonable. However, I would probably not get him to pay towards maintenance until you are in stable relationship, otherwise he will try to take things if you break up - cocklodgers have form for that.

You need to sit down and have a proper conversation about it directly. No hinting, no vague references, just outright detail about how he'll be contributing. If you're unable to do that or feel uncomfortable discussing it then that's a huge red flag for this partnership.

And yes as others have pointed out your council tax will no longer be discounted when he moves in so he'll need to cover half of that too.

Op, what do you mean he wasn’t a mind reader and he hinted that your bills hadn’t gone up that much. Was he free loading off you and then blaming you for not saying?

Look, don’t make the same mistake twice, if there are no kids, then tell him it’s fifty fifty of all bills inc maintenance, except major stuff. I can’t believe you actually have to tell him. Tell him to transfer it to you until you get a joint account set up, so if it’s six hundred for bills and say another 200 for food, then you both put say 500 in each and use the extra foe things that arise, If he says no, then don’t move him in.

Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. No one needs to pay for cock. Seriously.

Guess he found life more expensive without you. Even if the mortgage is paid off, he should be paying rent as well as his share of bills.
It seems to be a commonly held belief that women who have accrued property and assets exist as a resource for men who come to the table empty-handed (But for their amazing prowess in bed).
Perhaps offer to pay him an hourly rate as an 'escort'? If he really does have amazing prowess in bed.
But don't let him get his feet under the table again!

He should pay half of bills because he uses the utilities.

I don't think he should pay for repair/ maintenance costs though - such as decorating or microwaves because those are assets of yours.

Cocklodger alert!!!

Sorry I don’t want to start another cocklodger thread

But you do want a cocklodger. Obviously 🙄

P.S. You may wish to register your property with a Land Registry scheme called Property Alert. It sends you emails periodically about any agencies running searches at your address, which is especially helpful if mortgage-free.

Thing is, as your partner, and someone who is supposed to love you and want the best for etc, he should be offering to pay more. You are not earning much at the moment and he is saving on rent by living with you. If you break the microwave, or it stops working, the normal thing to do, would have been to buy a new one, unless it's a fancy one they are pretty cheap. Same with decorating, why they hell didn't he offer to help? Or at some point get involved. He sounds very tight, I wouldn't bother.