Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

‘House keeping money’

212 replies

Autumnflakes · 02/11/2020 14:59

I’m getting back with my Ex partner. One of the reasons we went so wrong is that we never did communication (I expected him to be a mind reader).

One of my bugbears was that I never felt like he ever really contributed to the house in any shape or form.

Beforehand I would have said it’s my house but our home - I bought it before we got together and it’s paid off. I’ve said to him numerous times before to treat it like it was his home etc.

Beforehand he hinted that the bills wouldn’t have gone up that much with him moving in. Granted he would probably pay more towards the food shop than me. I don’t think it’s fair that he was essentially living for free.

How should the monthly bills be split? Should he pay anything towards the maintenance? I.e. my microwave broke (he actually broke it but that’s another story) and it was down to me to replace it. Same with decorating down to me to buy it all and put the graft in.

I’m not sure how we can work it out so it’s more ‘fair’ for both of us? I also lost my job during the first wave and relying on a casual minimum wage job.

OP posts:
picosandsancerre · 02/11/2020 18:49

hmm you wouldnt continue to get single person council tax allowance when he moves in. So the 25% is nonsense.

As for bills its 50%. As for taking him back....dissappointing as it seems you still havent resolved the reason for the split was him not contributing. He sees you as a free ride and with not rent to pay god he is onto a winner. Relationships should not be this hard!

MzHz · 02/11/2020 18:51

Not that I expect @Autumnflakes to come back and answer this, cos I think she’s realised what a massive mistake she’ll be making but can’t bring herself to face up to that but anyhoo...

@Autumnflakes - you have no mortgage because you paid it off. Fab

Up to you if you charge a rent, but I get that it’s not really good for starting out on a fair basis

BUT... therefore he pays for ALL costs that are solely his (like tv subscription) you don’t need a sports package so why why would you pay for it? Would he pay for a magazine subscription just because he might pick it up and flick through it? You pay the tv license- that’s fair

He pays for things he breaks - that shouldn’t even come into this negotiation

Food - 50% of joint bought stuff, anything he needs above and beyond is his decision

Heating, water, etc - 50%
Wifi - 50% inc Phone landline

Council tax - 50% - tbh, as he’s not paying any rent, I’d actually suggest he picks up this bill because you’re on a news job that isn’t as stable and high paying

Love, this has car crash all over it. He’s not wanting to contribute to your life, merely avail himself of the cheap rent etc.

You’d be a fool to move this bloke in

CorianderLord · 02/11/2020 18:51

You pay the mortgage. All other bills split proportionally to wage. Stuff in the house you split as you are both using it. But I suppose he has to believe he's there for good or he won't want to.

saraclara · 02/11/2020 18:56

50:50 and it's still a bargain, compared to having his own place.

If he whinges at this, then seriously, dump him. It would be astonishing CFery and entitlement on his part.

ivfbeenbusy · 02/11/2020 19:00

He shouldn't pay towards maintenance of the property otherwise he could claim a financial interest In your home if you broke up

All other bills should be split equally and you should draw up some kind of co habiting agreement to make it clear what he is paying towards

CrazyToast · 02/11/2020 19:03

50.50, of course. Why should he live for free while you pay? I can't believe he's got you thinking this is not him taking the piss.

madcatladyforever · 02/11/2020 19:06

He's a cocklodger. You need to raise your standards 100%. He's getting free lodging and he doesn't want to pay anything?
Does he have no self respect as a man?

NetflixWatcher · 02/11/2020 19:09

Omg why are you getting back together. Poor life choice.

VinylDetective · 02/11/2020 19:11

50/50. There isn’t a mortgage.

CorianderLord · 02/11/2020 19:16

If there's no mortgage then I wouldn't make him pay for purely housing as then he would be paying you rent and that's not fair but bills proportionate or 50/50 depending on salary.

Joswis · 02/11/2020 19:16

At least 50/50, if not a bit more. He is benefitting from you having no mortgage, so really, he ought to chip in a bit more.

Find out how much it costs him to live independently. If he is paying less to live with you while paying AT LEAST 50%, he is winning.

Jjimdak · 02/11/2020 19:20

Run, run as fast as you can
You can’t afford him, the cocklodging man!

Sunbeam18 · 02/11/2020 19:21

If the house is paid off then how are there mortgage payments?

Original poster
Autumnflakes · 02/11/2020 19:24

Thank you all for your replies.

Sorry I never was intending to fleece the council just using 25% (that’s the extra cost the house would be occurring without single person discount) verses him paying 50% - just an example really.

Before he moves in I want to have a concrete plan of how much I’ll be expecting from him each month.

(Yes 600 was rounded up but that’s how much I put aside each month ‘just incase’).

OP posts:
ImEatingVeryHealthilyOhYes · 02/11/2020 19:26

Well done for coming back and reading the replies! Follow your instinct on whether he’s taking advantage or not.

RandomMess · 02/11/2020 19:27

Financially how much better off is he living with you than where he was?

He needs to pay 50:50 plus some "board" a contribution for the upkeep and maintenance of your house and so you have some financial compensation for having to share your home with someone else...

Eckhart · 02/11/2020 19:28

Let him suggest how much, OP. Let him do the calculations based on figures you give him about what it costs to live there. Will he be happy to work out a figure himself? You don't have to agree with it, but it'll give you an idea of his motives.

PP's suggestion of telling him you want to wait a year before living together is good, if he doesn't offer 50/50.

Maldivesdream · 02/11/2020 19:29

If you don’t get back with your ex OP or just for future reference. I personally wouldn’t go out of my way to say you are mortgage free because I can imagine many people getting too cosy and feeling like they don’t have to pay their way!

Heyahun · 02/11/2020 19:32

50/50 or he can fuck off tbh

Feedingthebirds1 · 02/11/2020 19:33

Before he moves in I want to have a concrete plan of how much I’ll be expecting from him each month.

And a concrete way of making sure you get the money and it doesn't become

I'll pay double next month

I know I said I'd pay double, but I'm short this month - three months worth next month, promise.

I'm short so you'll have to pay for the shopping

Why should I?

picosandsancerre · 02/11/2020 19:36

Just watch that this man doesnt try to place an interest in your property. You wont know about it but he can contact land registry. If he starts keeping notes of what he is paying towards the home he may use it to suggest part of the house is his. So I would suggest you get something a little more legally binding set up to prevent him trying to claim anything that is yours.

Teddybear27 · 02/11/2020 19:37

Sorry if I sound blunt but he is your ex for a reason....

goldenharvest · 02/11/2020 19:43

This thread is ridiculous.

He should be paying half the council tax (you need to cancel the single person discount) half the electricity bill, half the food shopping, and half the home maintenance costs. Half of everything. Presumably you are paying it all now? if so a simple half split is fair.

Screwcorona · 02/11/2020 19:44

In my household we put all money in one bills account
Bills get paid on the 1st. Then from the remainder, grocery, other household expenses and child costs is put aside.
What's left is split down the middle to each of us.

gospelsinger · 02/11/2020 19:45

Sounds like you need to work out what your bills actually are and then sitting down with him to discuss it. Also include a nominal rent that you will charge on top of bills so that you have enough to do maintainence on the property.