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AIBU?

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Original poster

‘House keeping money’

212 replies

Autumnflakes · 02/11/2020 14:59

I’m getting back with my Ex partner. One of the reasons we went so wrong is that we never did communication (I expected him to be a mind reader).

One of my bugbears was that I never felt like he ever really contributed to the house in any shape or form.

Beforehand I would have said it’s my house but our home - I bought it before we got together and it’s paid off. I’ve said to him numerous times before to treat it like it was his home etc.

Beforehand he hinted that the bills wouldn’t have gone up that much with him moving in. Granted he would probably pay more towards the food shop than me. I don’t think it’s fair that he was essentially living for free.

How should the monthly bills be split? Should he pay anything towards the maintenance? I.e. my microwave broke (he actually broke it but that’s another story) and it was down to me to replace it. Same with decorating down to me to buy it all and put the graft in.

I’m not sure how we can work it out so it’s more ‘fair’ for both of us? I also lost my job during the first wave and relying on a casual minimum wage job.

OP posts:
UniversalAunt · 02/11/2020 19:52

‘ If you are mortgage-fee, you need to very careful with your property. I draw from my own vast and weary experience of aspiring cocklodger boyfriends who thought my high income and property portfolio translated as I pay for everything and they get free rent. Why should they? It is outrageous entitlement. Never let him talk you into putting his name on your deeds (this property is your retirement fund). Never let him do work at the property, as he could come back and make a legal claim over the home if you part in the future (it has happened to some unfortunate people). Don't put his name on any of the utility bills as he may use that evidence to raise debts at your address. If he leaves in the future, you may have to deal with the fallout...the debt collectors, the bailiffs etc. He should pay 50% of the running costs of your home. If he is unwilling, then he is using you as a cheap way of having accommodation and a nice life without paying for it.’

THIS & many more wise words above

DryRoastPeanut · 02/11/2020 19:58

He’s an ex for a reason. I totally see why.

Bemorechair · 02/11/2020 20:02

He should pay 50% of bills (unless you have children,in which case he should pay his share) and some sort of rent. Don't ask for money for improvements to the house or he may well legally have a claim on the house. Instead charge rent (doesn't have to be market rent) and use that money to help fund any repairs.

Clymene · 02/11/2020 20:03

@VodselForDinner I did mean to quote you. This is the first part of your post:

"Capital expenditure-
Money spent on items or works that impact the value of the physical property. This would include maintenance, an extension, decorating, repairs. He should pay none of this."

You very clearly said that he shouldn't contribute to those costs Grin

I agree that he shouldn't be contributing to the cost of home improvements (which he could argue give him rights over the property - is this what you meant?) but he absolutely should pay towards maintenance and general upkeep by means of rent.

PyongyangKipperbang · 02/11/2020 20:04

£400 pcm minimum plus half the food shopping. That is half of the bills and the rest to be put into "house savings" so if anything breaks, such as the microwave, you have money put by to cover it. But keep that quiet!

But quite honestly, I cannot believe you are giving this asshole house room. He is a shameless cocklodger. FFS dont marry him or you will lose half of everything you have worked for!

Clymene · 02/11/2020 20:06

@CorianderLord

If there's no mortgage then I wouldn't make him pay for purely housing as then he would be paying you rent and that's not fair but bills proportionate or 50/50 depending on salary.
Of course it's fair. Houses don't become free once you've paid off your mortgage. They need thousands spent on them every year to maintain them.
ZooKeeper19 · 02/11/2020 20:06

@Autumnflakes if you are living together surely a 50/50 split is only fair, that includes all council tax, bills, tv/internet and food as well as anything that breaks or needs replacing?

ArcheryAnnie · 02/11/2020 20:13

50/50 from me, and I'd think about getting an agreement from him in writing that he's a lodger, and has no claim on your property. (My mortgage company insisted my ex signed one of those.)

loulou0987 · 02/11/2020 20:23

Why do you have single person council tax allowance?

Thecobwebsarewinning · 02/11/2020 20:24

If he doesn’t want to split bills and maintenance 50/50 he should be paying a market rent.

TALK TO HIM

SchadenfreudePersonified · 02/11/2020 20:29

How much was it costing him to live on his own? (Including rent and utilities?) I'll bet his rent alone was more than your entire monthly outgoings if your home is paid for. He should pay at least half of what it cost him to live by himself, and at least half the cost of replacement items (that are for both your benefit) and decorating costs (that you both enjoy the benefits of, too).

I'm not sure why you want him back . . .

PyongyangKipperbang · 02/11/2020 20:35

Anyone else thinking that the OP is missing the MASSIVE issues with this guy under the guise of "just want to be fair about money"?

Show of hands......

Akrotiri1 · 02/11/2020 20:38

I 'own' our house. My partner pays money into a joint savings account each month instead of giving me rent or making a mortgage payment. So if there were any household repairs or replacement of white goods, and we couldn't afford it out of disposable, the savings would be used.

We have a joint account and pay all the other bills from that - he earns more than me so proportionally pays more than me.

Temporary1234 · 02/11/2020 20:41

How much would he have paid if he wasn’t living with you ?? I bet much more.

So why is he saving while you are most likely paying more for having him??

You basically are paying to keep him.

Sorry to be blunt.

He isn’t worth it

Heyahun · 02/11/2020 20:42

I lived with a boyfriend a few years back and paid him bloody rent for living there as well as bills. The way I saw it was I’d be paying rent elsewhere if I didn’t live in his house - living at his house was much lower rent than anywhere else!

Plus it’s only fair!

The situation would only have changed had we had a child or got Married or something!

This guy sounds horrible and you should probably not let him back in your house

Bootikin · 02/11/2020 20:43

Christ he sounds awful. Run away OP! You deserve better than this! You can do better. Don’t settle for this twat.

Gardenista · 02/11/2020 20:44

@Autumnflakes - I got married to my ex partner. He was full of bluster but soon refused to pay anything towards the running costs of my (mortgaged) flat saying “why should I contribute to your equity”. Soon lost his job so had no money to the bills, I paid off his credit cards. By the time I divorced him he owed me tens of thousands and had the cheek to ask for a pay out so that he could “get back on his feet “.
Needless to say he has never paid a penny towards our child.
I wish I had known my worth before I burdened my daughter with such a useless father. The money it cost me would have paid off my mortgage too...

SleepingStandingUp · 02/11/2020 20:48

Half of all utilities, council tax and insurance, half the food bill, 30-50% of mortgage. He's living there, he pays rent. What ever money you have extra because of him moving in, put half on the pot for maintenance etc.

He's a PARTNER not a tenant

MitziK · 02/11/2020 21:18

Why the fuck would you want to invite that level of arseholery and financial abuse back into your life?

VodselForDinner · 02/11/2020 21:19

@SleepingStandingUp

Half of all utilities, council tax and insurance, half the food bill, 30-50% of mortgage. He's living there, he pays rent. What ever money you have extra because of him moving in, put half on the pot for maintenance etc. He's a PARTNER not a tenant
He’s a partner with whom she has spilt before, so therefore the relationship is shaky.

She would be nuts to do anything that could mean he can make a claim on HER house should they split again.

Feedingthebirds1 · 02/11/2020 21:23

@loulou0987

Why do you have single person council tax allowance?
Ummm... because she's single?

(Unless and until the ex moves in when it will disappear, as the OP has explained.)

ImEatingVeryHealthilyOhYes · 02/11/2020 21:24

I really truly understand the urge to move someone in, having been alone all this year myself.

But by not paying his way, at least, he’d be demonstrating both a lack of pride in himself and a lack of respect for OP

Skysblue · 02/11/2020 21:32

OP you need to open a joint account (as well as keeping your usual bank accounts). All house stuff, food maintenace etc comes out of joint account and you contribute to it equally.

SleepingStandingUp · 02/11/2020 21:40

@VodselForDinner will him paying utilities do that tho? Or rent?

VodselForDinner · 02/11/2020 21:49

[quote SleepingStandingUp]@VodselForDinner will him paying utilities do that tho? Or rent?[/quote]
Utilities, no. Food bills, no.

Rent possibly, unless a rental agreement was drawn up.
He should not be paying insurance on her house.

But this would be nuts-

30-50% of mortgage

The fact that the OP doesn’t have a mortgage aside, allowing him to contribute to HER house would be a ridiculous move on her part.

He’s already shown he’s grabby.

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