‘House keeping money’

[Autumnflakes]

I’m getting back with my Ex partner. One of the reasons we went so wrong is that we never did communication (I expected him to be a mind reader).

One of my bugbears was that I never felt like he ever really contributed to the house in any shape or form.

Beforehand I would have said it’s my house but our home - I bought it before we got together and it’s paid off. I’ve said to him numerous times before to treat it like it was his home etc.

Beforehand he hinted that the bills wouldn’t have gone up that much with him moving in. Granted he would probably pay more towards the food shop than me. I don’t think it’s fair that he was essentially living for free.

How should the monthly bills be split? Should he pay anything towards the maintenance? I.e. my microwave broke (he actually broke it but that’s another story) and it was down to me to replace it. Same with decorating down to me to buy it all and put the graft in.

I’m not sure how we can work it out so it’s more ‘fair’ for both of us? I also lost my job during the first wave and relying on a casual minimum wage job.

It should definitely be 50/50 bills wise, had you had a mortgage I would say you should pay that and then the rest of the bills split but as the house is paid off it should be an even split.

One of the benefits to moving in with a partner is splitting the costs. Even paying 50/50 is less than it would cost him to live himself, suggesting he only pay the difference that him moving in made is ridiculous!

If you can post giving both your incomes , hours worked and expenditure, people cam help you more.

Also let us know about other contributions like housework, gardening , DIY, admin, child care - how many hours per week do you do each ?

50/50

Guess he found life more expensive without you

That’s what I’m wondering, and if that’s why he’s not offering it up. He sees rhe op as a meal ticket. And that’s she’s so desperate to have him back she’s trying to minimise his payment.

This needs to be “this is the bills, this is the average food, this is the spare we need, it’s going to cost you x, say five hundred a month, yes or no”

If he says no then he doesn’t move in. You can keep dating him op, but you can’t be letting him use you as free housing.

He should pay 50% of all bills (including council tax) AND pay you rent as a contribution to wear and tear.

Why are you getting back together?

So you're still not communicating , and he's still not contributing. Same old same old.

He's read your mind; it told him you're a slow learner.

If you’re quibbling this much about money already and you’ve already broken up in significant part over this once, then this is doomed to fail before you even start.

I don’t know why you are even bothering.

Also it’s not “house keeping money”. It’s not 1950.

It’s two adults cohabiting and splitting the bills.

Half, 50/50.

And when it comes to house stuff he maybe shouldn't contribute to the cost of the decorating (unless it's something he wants to do) but should help do it (painting etc). But if he breaks something, the microwave, HE needs to replace it!

Even if the mortgage is paid off, he should be paying rent

Why?

Do you have children? Do you love him? What does he bring to your life?

Bills (except mortgage) should be split 50/50.

50:50 on bills and a modest monthly rent akin to being a lodge - for wear and tear. He should be offering this and the fact that he isn't should ring alarm bells.

He should pay half the bills, half the council tax and half the cost of renting an equivalent property (or at least half the cost of his previous rent). He should cover the food shop every other week.

You should pay the buildings insurance, up to you if you split contents insurance cost (depends how much it is). You should pay for all renovations. If he breaks something out of negligence rather than just wear and tear he pays for it.

If he helps out as labour for renovations and maintenance then it's reasonable to let him off some of his rent. But from your op it sounds unlikely!!

I can't get my head around this. Obviously he should be paying half of what it costs to run the home. He can't just swan in and tell you that he doesn't cost that much extra to keep and bung you a few quid to top-up what he costs. He is living in the house as much as you are so he contributes the same, in fact I'd be inclined to say he can pay the extra for the more expensive broadband package he wanted aswell. It really doesn't bode well for the future if he's not willing to pay his way, despite it being much cheaper for him than living alone.

Why are you getting back together if the main bugbear that split you up hasn't been sorted ?

If he is actually living there, as his home and address, he should pay 50% of all the bills, and a contribution towards wear and tear.

Not sure why it would be any other way, really.

I think he should pay for any specific Sky packages that only he uses. But if the pet is yours, you should pay vet bills.

Have a household account that al bills and food come out of , and each pay the same into it each month.

I also think the fact he’s not offering snd she’s trying to work it out means the original problem stands. I don’t know of any decent person who’d not offer, or would could do such a thing as break the micro wave and not replace it, or sit snd watch her sort decorating.

I suspect she’s got a right free loader on her hands.

And I suspect you know it op.

Bills are most definitely 50/50 plus rent.

Anything less or trying to squirm out of it, should have you putting new locks on the doors. You deserve better than this, if this is what he tries to do.

Do you plan to be together for life?

Is he an ex partner or were you married?

Do you plan to marry?

Do you still see the set up as your house but he happens to live there, or are you going to live together as a couple sharing finances?

You need to learn to communicate.

I'd say he pays 50% of all bills and 50% of the repairs/ new buys for appliances.

He's using them as if they were his, so why should he not pay?

If you don't have a mortgage (you said it's paid off?) then I think it's fair enough for him to not pay rent.

But then he needs to appreciate he's getting a bloody good deal not paying any rent and cough up 50:50, or at least proportionately by income (say if you earn twice as much he pays a third).

And I would not be welcoming him back into my life unless he understood that (I don't think I'd be welcoming him back unless he'd actively suggested it and apologised for the way he treated you before tbh).

Have you raised this with him? How does he justify paying so little?

If he's treating this like a rental (ie. expecting you to entirely maintain it), then you should treat him like a lodger.

Charge half bills, and the going rate for a room rental.

If he's living there, you don't get single person discount on Council tax, so half that too.

Definitely 50/50 on all bills and on all things that you'd take with you if you sold the house (e.g. microwave, bed, washing machine) or that you'd have had to buy if you'd both moved into a new house, but you pay for house maintenance such as roof repairs or plumbing or whatever and retain full ownership of the house.

He pays rent and 50% of bills. Even if the house is paid off he shouldn’t get to live rent free because you’ve paid your house off. If bills are &600/m you both pay £350 into an account to cover bills and any miscellaneous items that come up,(broken microwave, kettle etc..) Then he pays an extra amount each month for his rent.

What would he do if he didn’t live with you?

If he dosnt want to pay rent but wants to pay into the house so he has a claim on it, get it valued and he can pay you a lump sum as part ownership. I have friends who did this. The house is owned 70/30% and they have it all drawn up in writing by a solicitor.

Why should he be rent free because op has already worked her arse off to pay the mortgage. She has put in the hours at work, and then he gets the benefit of rent free living!!

Also rent/mortgage is not the sole cost of home ownership. Op will be the one to replace the roof when it gets old and leaks, or the boiler when it breaks. These all cost money.