‘House keeping money’

[Autumnflakes]

I’m getting back with my Ex partner. One of the reasons we went so wrong is that we never did communication (I expected him to be a mind reader).

One of my bugbears was that I never felt like he ever really contributed to the house in any shape or form.

Beforehand I would have said it’s my house but our home - I bought it before we got together and it’s paid off. I’ve said to him numerous times before to treat it like it was his home etc.

Beforehand he hinted that the bills wouldn’t have gone up that much with him moving in. Granted he would probably pay more towards the food shop than me. I don’t think it’s fair that he was essentially living for free.

How should the monthly bills be split? Should he pay anything towards the maintenance? I.e. my microwave broke (he actually broke it but that’s another story) and it was down to me to replace it. Same with decorating down to me to buy it all and put the graft in.

I’m not sure how we can work it out so it’s more ‘fair’ for both of us? I also lost my job during the first wave and relying on a casual minimum wage job.

The problem is with cocklodgers, well apart from the obvious problems, in my experience is they end up leaving eventually as they start to feel emasculated, even though it was their own lazy decision to contribute nothing (frigging idiots).

Has anyone else seen this pattern?

@Gwenhwyfar

"The monthly bills (with out vet/shopping) is around £600 that’s for energy/tv/internet etc not rent/mortgage WTF??!!!!! Do you have your heating/lights on 24/7?"

I was just reading to see if I was the only person who thinks the bills are huge.

I thought that too! I doubt OP would have included things like cars and mobile phones, if she’s thought to exclude the vet?

£150 Council Tax
£50 Buildings & Contents insurance
£150 utilities (£50 each x Gas, Electricity, Water)
£50 Appliance insurance
£10 TV Licence
£100 TV & Internet package

Obviously some big rounding up there - though still possible - and things not everyone would think were needed... but I just got it to £510, so maybe...?

"Beforehand he hinted that the bills wouldn’t have gone up that much with him moving in."

So basically he expected you to still be paying your full living-alone costs, and he expected to only pay for e.g. the extra hot water for his showers and his food?

No! Fuck that for a game of soldiers!

If he wants to be a member of your household, he shares in the costs of running it. Half the costs would be fair, not a penny less. If he doesn't like that, he can continue running his own household at his full expense. (Although, I expect he sponges off his parents?)

If he demurs from paying his way in the SLIGHTEST, do not resume this relationship. He's a sponger. And yes, a cocklodger.

He is tight.
You never communicated properly before and you are asking on MN - it doesn't look promising for the future.

he monthly bills (with out vet/shopping) is around £600 that’s for energy/tv/internet etc not rent/mortgage. He needs to be paying 50% so £300

Should he just pay 25% of the council tax as I get a single person discount or 50%. council tax is based on 2 people living in a property so he needs to be paying 50% I got a better internet and tv package as he wanted to be able to watch sports/stream - so should he pay the brunt of that (I did have internet/basic tv package before).He should be paying 100% of the tv package as you wouldn't have it if he wasn't living there

Agree. Normal wear and tear, decorating etc should also be split. Yet not major repairs. He can’t expect to live rent free.

I'm also mortgage free. I've been told that in the event I want to move someone in/get married, not to let them make any financial input to the property whatsoever lest they try to make a claim at a later time should we split.

50:50 of course. If he's moving in it is for you two to become a team.

If there is a slight drop in expenses compared to what you paid between you to live separately then that's good for both of you.

You don't need to effectively pay him to move in by you sucking up extra costs including the loss of your single person council tax rebate.

Do not do his share of the housework either.

Draw it all up on a piece of paper - list of bills and chores.
Halve the total bills and tell him that's for him, including groceries.
Get him to put his name against the chores he likes doing then divvy up the rest by how much time they take.

If he says no, he can't move in. There will be no point.

OP, if he broke the microwave and didn’t offer to replace it, he’s an arse.

Starting point for bulls should be 50/50. Certainly basics like council tax and heating bills.

I understand people want different TV packages and might not want to split that sort of thing.

I wouldn’t take rent in case any legal issues arise later.

Why does he have to move back in just because you want to give the relationship another go? Would you be considering this if it weren't for an impending lockdown?

@VodselForDinner - of course he should contribute towards operational costs. He's living there. He's contributing to the wear and tear. It's not just to the building itself, it's to the fixtures and fittings which presumably the OP is also supplying.

Whether she is paying a mortgage or rent on the property herself is irrelevant.

@NoSquirrels

50 fucking 50 or no deal.

You've paid the house off, there's no mortgage etc. You will have to pay for repairs to the fabric of the house, or big redecorations like carpet, or kitchen/bathroom refurbs. Because in the end, if he has no claim to the equity in the property then you cannot expect him to pay for upkeep or improvement of said property.

But for consumables - microwaves, hoovers, all the stuff of everyday living - then he pays 50%.

If you need a more expensive broadband package, then that's a discussion but I guess would end up 50-50. Same with food shopping - if he's a champagne and caviar type and you're value biscuits and beans then you need to set a budget you both agree to.

If he earns a lot, and you earn a little, you need to agree what is a joint cost and what is personal spending.

Don't get back together without this all sorted in a way that seems fair to you both.

I agree with some PP.

Everything to do with the house (redecorating, boiler change, etc...) should be yours.
EVERYTHING ELSE is 50/50 Incl electricity, food, internet etc... and general repair and maintenance (such as maintenance of the boiler).

I would ask him first what he thinks Is fair and WHY. This will tell you a lot about what his expectations are (if he is taking you for a mug) but also is the first step to COMMUNICATE
If he can’t read your mind, so can’t you. You both need to be able to explain what are your expectations and why. You also need to be able to LISTEN to each other before been able to negotiate.

FWIW I think you need a clear idea of your boundaries and what you are not happy to accept.

He’s already trying his luck by saying by saying bills wouldn’t go up by much when he moved in. This house would cost fucking pennies if I was alone in it.

There’s a good reason you split up.

i dod 50.50 on bills with partner, who moved into my mortgage free property, 10 years later we are still here, he got a bargain!

but then i am better off too as he shares the bills. The agreement was he saved the £500 he paid in rent before towards the next place if we buy together (and also would have a deposit for a new flat if i kicked him out with no notice)

Apart from anything else where else can you live for £300 a month all in?.

I think you should charge him modest rent unless he's keeping his own place on without renting it out while moving in with you. Why should he live rent free and mortgage free, just because you've paid off your mortage? And 50% of all expenses obviously.
I'd be surprised if the relationship lasted.

50-50 is an absolute bargain considering he gets to live rent free.

Unless your boyfriend is built like Ron Jeremy with an encyclopaedic knowledge of the karma sutra, I'd just get a paying lodger.

Go out with him for a whole year without living together.
Then you'll see is he in it for you.
Tell him you'll consider living together again in Dec 2021.
If he really loves you that should be no problem.

[quote Clymene]@VodselForDinner - of course he should contribute towards operational costs. He's living there. He's contributing to the wear and tear. It's not just to the building itself, it's to the fixtures and fittings which presumably the OP is also supplying.

Whether she is paying a mortgage or rent on the property herself is irrelevant. [/quote]
Where did I say he shouldn’t pay towards operational costs?
That was literally the point of my post.

I also didn’t say anything about whether she was paying rent or mortgage. It’s not relevant.

In fact, I’m wondering if you even meant to tag me, @Clymene?

Everything split 50/50 and that includes maintenance as he lives there as well

I think he should be paying 50-50 on all bills, including food. AND council tax. And he should be paying a negotiable amount for rent, which can be put into an account to go towards wear and tear.

after all, he would have bills wherever he is living. And he would pay rent. And now, if he is paying rent, I am sure he is getting a much better house for his money than when he paid some rent for his flat

but no, he wont have any claim on your home, because it IS your home. And he hasnt paid for the mortgage.

And if he breaks something, he replaces it. Exactly as in his current home he would be expected to. If something breaks down and needs fixing (boiler etc) and its not down to manhandling by him, then thats up to you, as its your house

You have to ask whether he should pay half the bills if he moves in to your home? I live in my partner's house so he has the mortgage, I have the utility bills/council tax. It's cheaper than renting and for me a more than fair deal.

You need to seriously up your standards of you don't want this to be a cocklodger thread because that is precisely what you have presented us with.

If bills are 600 pm he should pay 300 and half of food shop. He lives there. It’s paid off so he’s not paying your mortgage. He needs to pay for living costs.

Have you spoken to a solicitor? That might be more beneficial than asking on here. You need to protect your asset/house. iirc (and depending on which country you are in) if he pays certain household bills (eg council tax, etc) then after a certain period of time, if you split, he can claim he thought it was a joint residence.
You can ask a solicitor to draw up a cohabitation agreement which makes clear how you will both contribute and that you own the house.
But I agree with PPs who are asking why you're even considering this. Date and live apart until you can work on your communication and see if the relationship is going to work or not.

He must think Christmas has come early.