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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not sure about giving our cleaner a second chance - AIBU?

245 replies

Sydney88 · 01/11/2020 23:02

Hi all,

I'm really not sure what to do about the situation with my cleaner. I think we may need to let her go and find another but wanted to get some objective thoughts before deciding what to do.

YANBU - I should let her go
YABU - Keep her on

By way of background, I have had the same cleaner for about 5 years and we have always been happy with her. She comes every fortnight and stays the entire day (we pay over market rate for her time) - she cleans, does a bit of tidying, washes a few dishes from the morning and changes the beds. We recently moved from a flat to a house - the house is fairly large (right now its me and my husband and our 6 month old). We always give the house a quick tidy before she comes. But it's not a show home and we have a new baby - so there is a little bit of clutter in a few places. For instance, I have my breakfast cereals on the side of the kitchen counter - but that's by choice because its convenient for me. I may also leave a couple of baby bits here and there, as I'm using the house. I should add that we are in the process of renovating, so there are only four rooms that are in use (our bedroom, our ensuite, the play/temporary sitting room and the kitchen). The remaining bedrooms and living rooms are not in use.

So last week, my cleaner opened up to me about the fact that she is struggling with all her clients (she was really upset about it). She said that ever since COVID things have changed and she believes that people are playing mind games with her on purpose. She told me that people are leaving things arranged in a way that she doesn't know what to do. I suggested to her that people are perhaps using their homes more (since people are wfh etc) and so homes may not be as super organised as before - and for her to just ask her clients what they want her to do and for their expectations. Apparently, she has left a couple of long standing clients over this. She has also changed her style of cleaning so that she will move things to clean but move them back to exactly where originally (even if it is clear that it hasn't been arranged in that specific position like a book on the side - which makes her job take even longer).

Last week I walked into the kitchen while she was there and she starts complaining to me about the kitchen - regarding the items in the corner (i.e. the breakfast cereals and the baby's high chain table). I told her I was happy if she didn't clean that area if it is too difficult for her. She told me that this is not compatible with her new method of cleaning. I told her that I had a newborn and apologised that things are a little less organised but that I haven't really changed in the way I use my home - she strongly disagreed and she said it was not an excuse and not good enough. She also said it wasn't normal and was getting very aggressive at this point. I told her I don't organise my life around her cleaning and walked away from the situation. I was really upset at this point. Later she said that it wasn't worth her while to be making the journey to clean our house and for us to get a local cleaner. She effectively said that she had thought that we could come to an arrangement as to how I organise my home. When my DH came home from work, she was just leaving - so he struck up conversation regarding the whole thing (I had obviously called hime earlier in the day about it). She proceeded to rant about everything (and about me, the government and about other clients) but then said she was happy working for us. We said that we should all give it a think and that we would get back to her.

She has since messaged my husband to apologise for upsetting me and for being unprofessional.

I'm not sure what to do at this point. She is a very good cleaner and a nice lady. But I'm worried that she has become paranoid and unstable and wonder whether it is a good idea to keep her on. But if we let her go, I would feel terribly guilty - especially if she is losing income in these times.

OP posts:
RazzleDazz1e · 01/11/2020 23:05

Too.much.drama. This will probably happen again, so best to cut your losses and move forward!

Doryhunky · 01/11/2020 23:08

I don’t understand her new method of cleaning but she sounds either unwell or hard work.

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 01/11/2020 23:08

Let her go.

Tell her you've decided to do it yourself for now while you're renovating, then get someone local.

She was incredibly rude & she's being completely irrational. You do not need this stress with a new baby.

Ask locally for recommendations.

Do not feel guilty! She's supposed to be helping you, not stressing you out!

LouiseTrees · 01/11/2020 23:10

She sounds hard work. I would ask what she is going to do when she comes back and what she will leave. I would say it’s so you can both be clear on expectations. I’d give her one more chance but then it’s tough but she’s out on her arse and getting replaced.

Treesofwood · 01/11/2020 23:15

It's much harder for cleaners to be cleaning whilst people are actually in the house. Five years is a long time to have someone work for you. Sounds like she's feeling overwhelmed, and wasn't clear what you want. Esp with such little space in your house at the moment, she must be literally cleaning up around you.

ellendegeneres · 01/11/2020 23:18

She sacked you as clients when she told you to get someone local. I’d have no loyalty for her given how she’s treated you tbh. Also, she apologised to your husband for upsetting you, but not you? Why, does she not have your contact details?

Anyway, I’d send her a quick message saying you’ve given it some thought and you’re going to go with someone local as she suggested and wish her well.

Newkitchen123 · 01/11/2020 23:18

You are paying her to make your life easier!

BritWifeinUSA · 01/11/2020 23:20

It takes her all day to clean 4 rooms?

DelilahfromDevon · 01/11/2020 23:20

Why didn’t she call your husband to apologise for upsetting you and not call you?

I’d give her another chance. 5 years is a long time to be cast adrift. Maybe lay down a few ground rules? But she certainly can’t tell you how you should run your house. She does sound a bit overwhelmed. Give her another chance.

donquixotedelamancha · 01/11/2020 23:20

She's been with you 5 years and is clearly struggling. I would not sack someone over one incident.

I would, however, speak to her and check she still wants to continue. If you are less organised now perhaps she needs more time or a clearly agreed smaller amount to do.

DelilahfromDevon · 01/11/2020 23:20

*did

Mellonsprite · 01/11/2020 23:22

I think she’s crossed the point of no return to be honest.
She cannot dictate to you how to organise your house, it’s ridiculous. Also you’ve used words like ranted and aggressive so I’d tell her not to come back.

Elizaaa · 01/11/2020 23:25

Ain't nobody got time for that shit. Get someone who actually wants to clean.

10pennychews · 01/11/2020 23:25

Jesus wept what a lot of nice people. She has worked for you for 5 years and she has tried to tell you something is wrong. It sounds like she has a mental health condition, she needs support not sacking. Not saying she can work at the minute but she needs to be encouraged to see her GP

BackforGood · 01/11/2020 23:26

First of all, I don't understand what she has been doing for 'an entire day', in a flat occupied by one couple Confused. How can it take more than 2, or at most 3 hours, even with changing the beds (which, with one couple, I can't imagine there are a plethora of) ??

I figure she's been having you on for a number of years anyway. My cleaner does far more than that in two hours.

On first reading, I was thinking, well, if she's been great for 5 years, I'd assume she was under a lot of stress and had unfairly snapped and I'd give her another chance, but the more I think about it, the more unreasonable she seems to have been.

You are paying a cleaner to make your life easier. The idea that you should be arranging things in your own home, to suit her is quite bizarre, even without throwing a new baby into the mix.

I would let her walk, and ask around friends, neighbours, colleagues for recommendations for a new cleaner.

sunshinemolly · 01/11/2020 23:26

It has been five years, a once off (though unacceptable) and she has apologised- though I would be expecting an apology to you as well as your husband. I would discuss it with her- tbh she does sound extremely stressed, though this is not your fault and you have been very reasonable.

Sydney88 · 01/11/2020 23:27

@ellendegeneres @DelilahfromDevon - she does have my contact details. My guess would she was embarrassed (??) but I can't be certain what she is thinking at the moment.

OP posts:
Californiabakes · 01/11/2020 23:27

She sounds stressed and it’s one incident. If you’ve been happy with her for the last five years I would give her another chance.

Marcipex · 01/11/2020 23:28

As she said it wasn’t worth her while, I would just go with that.
Aggressive behaviour towards you is a complete no-no anyway, let alone when it’s over your cereal packets.

MintyMabel · 01/11/2020 23:29

Agree with @10pennychews. After knowing her for 5 years, and not having any problems before, I’d be concerned for her, not sacking her.

Thankgoodness1 · 01/11/2020 23:30

She does indeed sound very overwhelmed. She might be anxious about working on peoples houses during Covid. My first reaction was to tell her to feck off but thinking about it, I’d let her calm down and then speak to her about that incident and be firm and tell her that you pay her to provide a service. If she doesn’t feel happy to provide this service, she should let me know because you don’t want to be made to feel uncomfortable in your own home again. Explain to her that your home is your sanctuary and you do not expect her to
criticise the way you behave or function in your own space.

EmeraldShamrock · 01/11/2020 23:31

I'd say the stress of Covid19 is getting to her another thought is maybe she is trying to tell you it is no longer convenient for her.
Has the travel time changed much?
Ask her if she would like a fortnight off during this time look around for someone local. I don't think she'll be back.
I'd offer this time as she has been with you along time.

Thisisnotnormal69 · 01/11/2020 23:31

All day cleaning for a flat previously?? What did she do?

Longdistance · 01/11/2020 23:33

Get rid of her. She’s cutting her nose off to spite her face.

Sydney88 · 01/11/2020 23:35

@BritWifeinUSA @BackforGood She has always been quite meticulous. In the new house, she does give the unused rooms a hover, dust, mop etc. But I think this new method is definitely taking a disproportionate amount time.

We pay her a flat all day fee, whether or not the job takes less time (this is something that we offered her so she has the time and space she needs and because we have always valued her) - but she seems to be spending longer and longer doing the same work. I do worry she is having mental health issues. At the same time, I don't feel like I have the energy to take on this. problem of hers.

OP posts: