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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not sure about giving our cleaner a second chance - AIBU?

245 replies

Sydney88 · 01/11/2020 23:02

Hi all,

I'm really not sure what to do about the situation with my cleaner. I think we may need to let her go and find another but wanted to get some objective thoughts before deciding what to do.

YANBU - I should let her go
YABU - Keep her on

By way of background, I have had the same cleaner for about 5 years and we have always been happy with her. She comes every fortnight and stays the entire day (we pay over market rate for her time) - she cleans, does a bit of tidying, washes a few dishes from the morning and changes the beds. We recently moved from a flat to a house - the house is fairly large (right now its me and my husband and our 6 month old). We always give the house a quick tidy before she comes. But it's not a show home and we have a new baby - so there is a little bit of clutter in a few places. For instance, I have my breakfast cereals on the side of the kitchen counter - but that's by choice because its convenient for me. I may also leave a couple of baby bits here and there, as I'm using the house. I should add that we are in the process of renovating, so there are only four rooms that are in use (our bedroom, our ensuite, the play/temporary sitting room and the kitchen). The remaining bedrooms and living rooms are not in use.

So last week, my cleaner opened up to me about the fact that she is struggling with all her clients (she was really upset about it). She said that ever since COVID things have changed and she believes that people are playing mind games with her on purpose. She told me that people are leaving things arranged in a way that she doesn't know what to do. I suggested to her that people are perhaps using their homes more (since people are wfh etc) and so homes may not be as super organised as before - and for her to just ask her clients what they want her to do and for their expectations. Apparently, she has left a couple of long standing clients over this. She has also changed her style of cleaning so that she will move things to clean but move them back to exactly where originally (even if it is clear that it hasn't been arranged in that specific position like a book on the side - which makes her job take even longer).

Last week I walked into the kitchen while she was there and she starts complaining to me about the kitchen - regarding the items in the corner (i.e. the breakfast cereals and the baby's high chain table). I told her I was happy if she didn't clean that area if it is too difficult for her. She told me that this is not compatible with her new method of cleaning. I told her that I had a newborn and apologised that things are a little less organised but that I haven't really changed in the way I use my home - she strongly disagreed and she said it was not an excuse and not good enough. She also said it wasn't normal and was getting very aggressive at this point. I told her I don't organise my life around her cleaning and walked away from the situation. I was really upset at this point. Later she said that it wasn't worth her while to be making the journey to clean our house and for us to get a local cleaner. She effectively said that she had thought that we could come to an arrangement as to how I organise my home. When my DH came home from work, she was just leaving - so he struck up conversation regarding the whole thing (I had obviously called hime earlier in the day about it). She proceeded to rant about everything (and about me, the government and about other clients) but then said she was happy working for us. We said that we should all give it a think and that we would get back to her.

She has since messaged my husband to apologise for upsetting me and for being unprofessional.

I'm not sure what to do at this point. She is a very good cleaner and a nice lady. But I'm worried that she has become paranoid and unstable and wonder whether it is a good idea to keep her on. But if we let her go, I would feel terribly guilty - especially if she is losing income in these times.

OP posts:
supportivemyarse · 02/11/2020 07:29

had a newborn and apologised that things are a little less organised but that I haven't really changed in the way I use my home - she strongly disagreed and she said it was not an excuse and not good enough. She also said it wasn't normal and was getting very aggressive this is every kind of wrong.

Its not a one off. She has been passively aggressively telling you off for a while its just gone over your head, all that stuff about 'other clients' was aimed right at you.

She may have MH issues but that's more reason to get rid IMO, harsh perhaps but this is not a work colleague, this is OPs home. She'll have you walking on eggshells in your own house if you allow her back and babies aren't all that messy, wait till she's cleaning for a messy toddler. She's not even apologised to you, just your DH, this woman has little respect for you and an odd power balance with you going on in her head, either she wants to quit but keeps botching telling you or thinks she is more in charge than you do so either way, time to let her go.

5-6 hours a week to clean a childless flat or 4 rooms in a house is excessive even fortnightly. Get someone local who won't rip you off or bollock you.

Levatrice · 02/11/2020 07:32

I would rather have the stress of cleaning my own kitchen than dealing with that

SpeccyLime · 02/11/2020 07:37

In all honesty, with a new baby you just don’t need this as well. I can’t work out what resolution is going to make her happy except you completely changing the way you live, which clearly isn’t going to work for you. I would let her go - give her a couple of months wages if you’re feeling worried about the financial impact on her and that way she has a cushion while she finds something new.

Lipz · 02/11/2020 07:38

She's spending alot of time 'cleaning', did you say up to 6-7 hours? Unless you've a manky house that's crazy.

I don't understand this new method? Is it that she has to put things exactly where they were when cleaning under it or she doesn't want to touch stuff and move it?

You've 2 choices, you write out exactly what you want doing, you give her set hours, you explain to her about moving or not moving things or you let her go.

SimplyRadishing · 02/11/2020 07:39

Honestly, I would not be happy or comfortable with her in my house.

You have a small child and do not need the additional layer of drama

Standrewsschool · 02/11/2020 07:40

“ This is YOUR home. Your cleaner doesn't dictate where you put your cereal.”

This.

It’s your home, not hers. You’ve reasonably explained how people are using their homes more, and it’s nothing personal against her. Her job is to clean and tidy, not to cast judgement. Most people with a baby has a less meticulous house, and her comments regarding this would be a reason for me terminating her employment, regardless of other stuff.

I also think it’s time to get a new cleaner. She’s not doing her job, and you’re not happy with her services anymore.

flaviaritt · 02/11/2020 07:44

I’m changing my mind. The way she spoke to sounds actually appalling. I think sack her.

RaspberryCoulis · 02/11/2020 08:03

She also said it wasn't normal and was getting very aggressive at this point

That alone is enough.

Find another cleaner.

Zug2 · 02/11/2020 08:04

I would giver her another chance, but you call the shots not her, tell her how you want it done and what you want done, if she feels she cannot do that, than find yourself another cleaner.

I had a similar situation with my cleaner recently, who was amazing when she started but then gave up giving a shit, would get really stroppy if I asked her to do something, on two occasions she told me to find someone else if I wasn't happy with her, on the second occasion I did find someone else and she was totally shocked when I told her I had found her replacement. The new cleaner is amazing, I hope it stays that way.

rookiemere · 02/11/2020 08:07

Blimey no she's meant to be making your life easier, not harder. Cleaners are self employed so you aren't sacking her, she has said she doesn't want to work for you any more, I'd take the hint and quickly - as selfishly I wouldn't want to be paying again for no cleaning over the next lockdown.

Angelina82 · 02/11/2020 08:12

YANBU not to want to give the cleaner a second chance. YABU to refer to your 6 month old as a newborn.

madcatladyforever · 02/11/2020 08:16

It sounds to me like shes having a mental breakdown. How old is she?

LzzyHale · 02/11/2020 08:18

@supportivemyarse

had a newborn and apologised that things are a little less organised but that I haven't really changed in the way I use my home - she strongly disagreed and she said it was not an excuse and not good enough. She also said it wasn't normal and was getting very aggressive this is every kind of wrong.

Its not a one off. She has been passively aggressively telling you off for a while its just gone over your head, all that stuff about 'other clients' was aimed right at you.

She may have MH issues but that's more reason to get rid IMO, harsh perhaps but this is not a work colleague, this is OPs home. She'll have you walking on eggshells in your own house if you allow her back and babies aren't all that messy, wait till she's cleaning for a messy toddler. She's not even apologised to you, just your DH, this woman has little respect for you and an odd power balance with you going on in her head, either she wants to quit but keeps botching telling you or thinks she is more in charge than you do so either way, time to let her go.

5-6 hours a week to clean a childless flat or 4 rooms in a house is excessive even fortnightly. Get someone local who won't rip you off or bollock you.

I agree with this, the bit about "other clients" is bollocks. She's trying to tell you that you are messy, and she doesn't like it.

Some cleaners prefer to just clean, and not clean and tidy.

RoseGoldEagle · 02/11/2020 08:22

Agree with a couple of PPs that when she said ‘other clients are doing X,Y and Z and I’m finding it stressful’, really she was saying ‘you’re doing X,Y and Z and I’m finding it stressful’, she hoped you’d take the hint and move your cereal boxes or whatever and then when you didn’t (as of course you shouldn’t!) she lost it.

It depends how stressed you are about it- if it’s really getting to you then let her go, it’s not worth the stress when you have a new baby and you have your own mental health to think about too. You certainly don’t want to be dreading the day your cleaner comes every time. But if you don’t feel like that, then agree with others it could be worth sitting down and saying ‘you’ve been with me a long time and I really value what you do, things are stressful for everyone right now, let’s have a chat about what it is I need, if you feel you can’t/don’t want to do that then let’s agree to part company, no hard feelings’

cansu · 02/11/2020 08:23

She sounds utterly bonkers. She has a days work in one location at a good rate and she is making a fuss about how you use your house. Find someone else.

dontdisturbmenow · 02/11/2020 08:25

The poor woman probably struggles with some MH and anxieties. This period has probably brought them on even more.

If it was a poster working for a company, they'd be told that her boss should show empathy and support her. I don't see why it is any different. She took the step to apologise.

It is so sad to read threads after threads of people asking for flexibility, understanding, support, yet in this case, 80% think you should just get rid of her. So much take take take but forget the giving.

Do give her a second chance OP. She's been with you 5 years with no issues until now. Be a kind and understand person.

cdtaylornats · 02/11/2020 08:25

She sounds stressed. My sister is like that at the moment. Any little comment can set her off on a rant.

PlanDeRaccordement · 02/11/2020 08:26

@10pennychews

Jesus wept what a lot of nice people. She has worked for you for 5 years and she has tried to tell you something is wrong. It sounds like she has a mental health condition, she needs support not sacking. Not saying she can work at the minute but she needs to be encouraged to see her GP
I agree with this. It’s really inhumane to sack a person for one single meltdown/ stress outburst in five years of service. If you were a company, you’d be taken to tribunal and lose.
Cheesypea · 02/11/2020 08:31

It sounds like her new technique is just cleaning and not tidying up.

Magpiesalute · 02/11/2020 08:33

It would be an absolute no for me. Making you feel uncomfortable in your own home was bad enough, but aggression too? It’s unacceptable. Plus, she seems to take forever to clean your house!

RaspberryCoulis · 02/11/2020 08:34

f it was a poster working for a company, they'd be told that her boss should show empathy and support her. I don't see why it is any different

Of course it's different.

For a start, the boss would be paid to support their staff. OP is paying for a service and has no HR/pastoral care remit as part of that. OP is not qualified to deal with someone else's health issues. Furthermore, OP has a lot else on her plate with a new baby and house renovation.

She is paying for a service just in the same way you pay someone to cut your hair, service your car, deliver your takeaway.

stackemhigh · 02/11/2020 08:34

My mum is becoming increasingly paranoid and that everyone is against her. She thinks people leave things in a particular place to give her a message and she has a thing about the time 3pm. If you make the mistake of calling her at 3pm or around 3pm then you are signalling things to her.

It’s exhausting. We’ve been to the GP, they gave us a number but no help yet due to pandemic.

Does anyone know what could be done to help her?

Mumtum79 · 02/11/2020 08:39

I always feel that a cleaner works in your house and therefore brings her vibes into it. She in essence working with your growing family. If she is doing it with the hump or with a feeling of resentment towards you then that's not good for you. Get rid, I'd say. I've noticed a lot of adverts in my local FB groups for people wanting extra cleaning work and you're bound to find someone who is lovely and will fit in with your family. We've had our cleaner for 8 years and although we have tried better (by way of cleaning) we stuck with him (yes a male cleaner!) as he is so lovely.

EarPhones · 02/11/2020 08:42

Find a new cleaner with your new normal

Joswis · 02/11/2020 08:43

She sounds very stressed. It is probably making her very anxious, going into other peoples homes and being exposed to the virus. I would be too. She probably feels conflicted. Needing to work but also being scared.

She doesn't sound happy working for you anymore. If you aren't happy and she isn't happy, let her go. It was her suggestion to start with.

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