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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not sure about giving our cleaner a second chance - AIBU?

245 replies

Sydney88 · 01/11/2020 23:02

Hi all,

I'm really not sure what to do about the situation with my cleaner. I think we may need to let her go and find another but wanted to get some objective thoughts before deciding what to do.

YANBU - I should let her go
YABU - Keep her on

By way of background, I have had the same cleaner for about 5 years and we have always been happy with her. She comes every fortnight and stays the entire day (we pay over market rate for her time) - she cleans, does a bit of tidying, washes a few dishes from the morning and changes the beds. We recently moved from a flat to a house - the house is fairly large (right now its me and my husband and our 6 month old). We always give the house a quick tidy before she comes. But it's not a show home and we have a new baby - so there is a little bit of clutter in a few places. For instance, I have my breakfast cereals on the side of the kitchen counter - but that's by choice because its convenient for me. I may also leave a couple of baby bits here and there, as I'm using the house. I should add that we are in the process of renovating, so there are only four rooms that are in use (our bedroom, our ensuite, the play/temporary sitting room and the kitchen). The remaining bedrooms and living rooms are not in use.

So last week, my cleaner opened up to me about the fact that she is struggling with all her clients (she was really upset about it). She said that ever since COVID things have changed and she believes that people are playing mind games with her on purpose. She told me that people are leaving things arranged in a way that she doesn't know what to do. I suggested to her that people are perhaps using their homes more (since people are wfh etc) and so homes may not be as super organised as before - and for her to just ask her clients what they want her to do and for their expectations. Apparently, she has left a couple of long standing clients over this. She has also changed her style of cleaning so that she will move things to clean but move them back to exactly where originally (even if it is clear that it hasn't been arranged in that specific position like a book on the side - which makes her job take even longer).

Last week I walked into the kitchen while she was there and she starts complaining to me about the kitchen - regarding the items in the corner (i.e. the breakfast cereals and the baby's high chain table). I told her I was happy if she didn't clean that area if it is too difficult for her. She told me that this is not compatible with her new method of cleaning. I told her that I had a newborn and apologised that things are a little less organised but that I haven't really changed in the way I use my home - she strongly disagreed and she said it was not an excuse and not good enough. She also said it wasn't normal and was getting very aggressive at this point. I told her I don't organise my life around her cleaning and walked away from the situation. I was really upset at this point. Later she said that it wasn't worth her while to be making the journey to clean our house and for us to get a local cleaner. She effectively said that she had thought that we could come to an arrangement as to how I organise my home. When my DH came home from work, she was just leaving - so he struck up conversation regarding the whole thing (I had obviously called hime earlier in the day about it). She proceeded to rant about everything (and about me, the government and about other clients) but then said she was happy working for us. We said that we should all give it a think and that we would get back to her.

She has since messaged my husband to apologise for upsetting me and for being unprofessional.

I'm not sure what to do at this point. She is a very good cleaner and a nice lady. But I'm worried that she has become paranoid and unstable and wonder whether it is a good idea to keep her on. But if we let her go, I would feel terribly guilty - especially if she is losing income in these times.

OP posts:
underneaththeash · 02/11/2020 06:18

We had a similar issue a couple of years ago, cleaner had been with us 5-6 years, also came for a good 5-6 hours.
She just went a bit loopy, stopped cleaning properly, starting washing my clothes (which she’s been specifically told not to do). Didn’t turn up completely one week and swore blind she had.
One week she turned up, ranted at me for about 20 minutes about the British economy, put a load of my woollens on boil wash and then took home a random bag full of my daughter’s school clothes which was by the front door!

It was incredibly difficult to tell her not to come any more, but did feel like a huge weight had been lifted.

We use a cleaning team now, who blitz the place in a couple of hours.

MsTSwift · 02/11/2020 06:21

After numerous weird incidents with mental individual cleaners we would never employ one again. We have an anonymous team who turn up and we deal with their manager. Bliss.

Hailtomyteeth · 02/11/2020 06:21

You were in a flat and presumably out at work. She was paid for all day. Now, you are in a 'fairly large' house, have a baby and are at home while she is working in the house. So her working conditions have changed significantly. Did you increase her pay? I tried to read the opening post but had to skim it ... sorry if you mentioned a pay-rise and I missed it. She might have expected more but not want to say.

I'd let her go, though. What the heck has she been doing 'all day' for the last five years?

Itsallpointless · 02/11/2020 06:25

@FatimaMunchy I was being sarcastic.

This is a seriously pretentious thread. People are losing their jobs/homes/business and all the OP is worried about is her cleaner..what a bloody luxury..

PatheticHmm

MsTSwift · 02/11/2020 06:29

Tbh I think she has fired you!

Shoxfordian · 02/11/2020 06:29

I would let her go and hire someone through an agency.

No need to be snippy @Itsallpointless, we all have our own issues to deal with.

flaviaritt · 02/11/2020 06:30

I would see whether she comes back. I would have a chat to her and say she seemed quite overwhelmed last week and ask if she is okay. I would make it clear that my home is my home and is a perfectly acceptable standard of ‘lived in’, and while you would never expect anyone to clean around a complete mess, if she isn’t happy with cleaning the house as it is, you are happy to part ways.

whywhywhy6 · 02/11/2020 06:35

It’s too much drama. You have a new baby and a new house and you’re mid renovation. You need someone to clean without all the additional expectations and awkwardness. It’s gone too far. Take her up on the suggestion to find someone else local.

I appreciate it sounds like she is suffering some sort of mental health episode but you are not responsible for managing her issues. It’s actually just not your responsibility. I’m sure if you were having an easier time yourself (maybe I’m projecting but a newborn and renos were not easy for me, separately, and you’re doing it all at once) then you might be better placed to assist her in some way.

Good luck.

Itsallpointless · 02/11/2020 06:35

@Shoxfordian snippy? Sarcastic..issues regarding your cleaner do not require such depth..seriously typical MN luvviesHmm

Itsallpointless · 02/11/2020 06:36

Hope the Daily Fail pick this one up..it's such a scandalConfused

greenspacesoverthere · 02/11/2020 06:37

She's been with you a long time and she appears to be unwell atm. Why don't you suggest she takes a few weeks/months off and you'll get a temp in for now. See how she feels later in the year/in the spring?

FatimaMunchy · 02/11/2020 06:39

Itsallpointless oops, sorry.
We have a cleaner once a mont She is a single parent and relies on the money, so I am approaching it from that point of view.

Marchitectmummy · 02/11/2020 06:40

Not sure i totally understand her new method. Is it that previously she cleaned and now she cleans and puts away? It sounds g
To me like she wants your house to look good after she has left not just be clean?

If so I can't understand why you wouldn't want that, its surely a help with a small baby.

Is there a middle ground, walk her around before she starts and tell her how you want her to deal with each room. Leave that there, put that away type of thing? Wouldn't take long and she would be clearly briefed.

user1471462428 · 02/11/2020 06:58

I think she should try and be more understanding that you are renovating a house and have a newborn. My ex cleaner (only ex as she’s gone to uni) came when we were doing renovations and had a newborn. She would run round doing everything and managed it in 3 hours and it was spotless. The only thing that changed was she used our hoover as she didn’t want building dust in hers. The new method you’re cleaner is using sounds like it doesn’t suit you at all!

Hyperfish101 · 02/11/2020 07:02

It sounds bizarre. I have a cleaner. She comes and does 2 hours. In and out. No drama.

Rather than sack her right away I would sit her down and tell her your expectations. If she can’t work for you I. That way, let her go. She does have to be meeting your requirements after all as you are paying her. This gives her a chance to work in a way that suits you.

I understand people being concerned about her MH etc but end of day you are a customer not a social worker.

flaviaritt · 02/11/2020 07:06

Also, you say you are paying her a flat rate for the full day, and that you always have done. How much is it?

Fatted · 02/11/2020 07:06

Get rid. She has behaved unprofessionally and effectively resigned herself anyway. Do you honestly think she would still have a job in any other workplace with behaviour like that towards her boss?

You should not be spoken to like that in your own home by anyone. Least of all someone you are employing.

flaviaritt · 02/11/2020 07:07

It sounds to me like she wants your house to look good after she has left not just be clean?

Not her house, though. It doesn’t matter that this is her ‘method’, she is being paid to do a certain number of tasks.

MessAllOver · 02/11/2020 07:10

She sounds really hard work and not particularly good at her job. Our cleaner cleans an untidy 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom house and does the ironing in five hours. She even has time for a cup of coffee in the middle - she brings her own flask (previously I would have made one for her if I was around).

She should be making your life with a baby easier not harder. Yes, cleaners will get less done in untidy houses and untidy people (like me!) just have to accept that. But provided your house isn't appallingly dirty and unhygienic (in which case, I think it's unfair to expect a cleaner to clean it), she should be able to deal with a little mess.

HaggieMaggie · 02/11/2020 07:10

I think she’s finding it difficult to clean in homes where she can’t leave it looking like it’s been cleaned and tidy. Maybe she’s a bit ocd, maybe she has been accused of not cleaning.

I know how stressed I get when I spend all day running around cleaning and tidying and the house looks a bloody mess simply because people are living it whilst I clean.

If you want to keep her, discuss your expectations clearly and both stick to them.

Roselilly36 · 02/11/2020 07:15

Let her go, you are under enough pressure as a new mum, you don’t need to feel judged by a self employed cleaner.

She has completely overstepped the mark by being rude, we can all have a off day, but you are her client and that is unacceptable to be made to feel upset in your own home.

Why on earth would a long-standing cleaner change their method all of a sudden? Due to Covid perhaps. But it doesn’t sound like the change is a positive one for her or her clients if it’s stressing everyone out.

Strange times.

Wyntersdiary · 02/11/2020 07:21

No I would fire she sounds unstable but that's not your problem.

You have a baby in the house and shouldnt be inviting people into your home who are unpredictable.

My mums gardener once went crazy on her and attacked her, was sent to a hospital after as seems he had a few mental health problems.

Newmumma83 · 02/11/2020 07:27

You are not being unfair, but I would place the ball back in her court and let her make the choice on the basis that she has worked for you for so long.

Ask her what she deems as reasonable / or what you are able to commit to do to help/ perhaps check there is nothing else that caused the outburst.

Then if she isn’t satisfied perhaps thank her for all of her help and say you will miss her but you would rather part on good terms than further resentment build up, perhaps if you can afford it give her an early Christmas bonus as a thank you for long service ( if you want to ) that’s more than reasonable

You have a new born/ you have other priorities .... I have a toddler the mess doesn’t get better I can assure you.

user1471538283 · 02/11/2020 07:27

A whole day to clean a flat? I can clean our whole house in 6 hours. It sounds like she is unwell but I don't think there is anything you can do about it. She resigned effectively so just find someone else

blueangel19 · 02/11/2020 07:28

Think about what you need first. When your baby is older it is going to be worse with things lying around. I went from a cleaner to live a in housekeeper for a while. Also, some cleaners are not happy about cleaning bigger houses. Not sure about her age but she be may getting tired of the job and for her is getting worse having to do more rather than less. May be pay her some money if you let her go until she finds another job. Good luck with everything.