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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not sure about giving our cleaner a second chance - AIBU?

245 replies

Sydney88 · 01/11/2020 23:02

Hi all,

I'm really not sure what to do about the situation with my cleaner. I think we may need to let her go and find another but wanted to get some objective thoughts before deciding what to do.

YANBU - I should let her go
YABU - Keep her on

By way of background, I have had the same cleaner for about 5 years and we have always been happy with her. She comes every fortnight and stays the entire day (we pay over market rate for her time) - she cleans, does a bit of tidying, washes a few dishes from the morning and changes the beds. We recently moved from a flat to a house - the house is fairly large (right now its me and my husband and our 6 month old). We always give the house a quick tidy before she comes. But it's not a show home and we have a new baby - so there is a little bit of clutter in a few places. For instance, I have my breakfast cereals on the side of the kitchen counter - but that's by choice because its convenient for me. I may also leave a couple of baby bits here and there, as I'm using the house. I should add that we are in the process of renovating, so there are only four rooms that are in use (our bedroom, our ensuite, the play/temporary sitting room and the kitchen). The remaining bedrooms and living rooms are not in use.

So last week, my cleaner opened up to me about the fact that she is struggling with all her clients (she was really upset about it). She said that ever since COVID things have changed and she believes that people are playing mind games with her on purpose. She told me that people are leaving things arranged in a way that she doesn't know what to do. I suggested to her that people are perhaps using their homes more (since people are wfh etc) and so homes may not be as super organised as before - and for her to just ask her clients what they want her to do and for their expectations. Apparently, she has left a couple of long standing clients over this. She has also changed her style of cleaning so that she will move things to clean but move them back to exactly where originally (even if it is clear that it hasn't been arranged in that specific position like a book on the side - which makes her job take even longer).

Last week I walked into the kitchen while she was there and she starts complaining to me about the kitchen - regarding the items in the corner (i.e. the breakfast cereals and the baby's high chain table). I told her I was happy if she didn't clean that area if it is too difficult for her. She told me that this is not compatible with her new method of cleaning. I told her that I had a newborn and apologised that things are a little less organised but that I haven't really changed in the way I use my home - she strongly disagreed and she said it was not an excuse and not good enough. She also said it wasn't normal and was getting very aggressive at this point. I told her I don't organise my life around her cleaning and walked away from the situation. I was really upset at this point. Later she said that it wasn't worth her while to be making the journey to clean our house and for us to get a local cleaner. She effectively said that she had thought that we could come to an arrangement as to how I organise my home. When my DH came home from work, she was just leaving - so he struck up conversation regarding the whole thing (I had obviously called hime earlier in the day about it). She proceeded to rant about everything (and about me, the government and about other clients) but then said she was happy working for us. We said that we should all give it a think and that we would get back to her.

She has since messaged my husband to apologise for upsetting me and for being unprofessional.

I'm not sure what to do at this point. She is a very good cleaner and a nice lady. But I'm worried that she has become paranoid and unstable and wonder whether it is a good idea to keep her on. But if we let her go, I would feel terribly guilty - especially if she is losing income in these times.

OP posts:
Babyroobs · 02/11/2020 00:27

I would give her another chance especially as she has worked for you for so long. She sounds like she is suffering from some kind of high anxiety or something, had a rant and has now apologized.

Georgeoftheinternet · 02/11/2020 00:27

Did she ever “stay the full day” before? Just cleaning a persons house for a full day sounds excessive.

DaddysGirlForLife · 02/11/2020 00:28

I'd get a new cleaner. You need a good cleaner but not someone who is obsessive!

BlueThistles · 02/11/2020 00:34

Get a new cleaner.. one that actually wants to clean and enjoys the role.. 🌺

Sydney88 · 02/11/2020 00:35

@Georgeoftheinternet - previously, it's been variable. Sometimes she stayed for 3/4 hours and other days 6/7 (depending on how dusty things have gotten I guess). But she's been spending longer and longer the last few times (and nothing has changed in terms of the work) - at some point during the last exchange, she did say that her new method is a "spring clean" (which I obviously do not need or want every fortnight).

OP posts:
DeeCeeCherry · 02/11/2020 00:37

She thinks her clients are out to 'get her', and she was ranty and aggressive with you. No - don't give her another chance. You'd be walking on eggshells in your own home. Get a local cleaner, as she suggested.

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 02/11/2020 00:41

It sounds like she is having some issues with her mental health, which may well settle down in a short period. If someone has worked for you for 5 years, I would only consider sacking them in the most extreme situation, especially during a pandemic.

She is clearly stressed by the new situation in houses—it sounds like she might have some low level OCD or something? It would helpful if you spoke to her and were really clear about what you wanted, and said just clean and tidy as usual, with the exception of leaving the cereals. And I you set a clear time exeftsfion—like I will pay you for 3 hours, in that time I want the following tasks done.

Her anxiety and other mental health issues got the best of her, and you experienced her having a mini-meltdown. Not great for you as an employer, but I think firing her is a bit of an overkill.

friendlycat · 02/11/2020 00:44

With your updates this isn’t really sounding what you want or need at all!
I know people are struggling but surely if you are paying her she really does need to do what you want/need her to do.

6 or 7 hours isn’t unreasonable every other week as it only equates to the equivalent of 3.5 hours weekly and for a house that’s ok. But it does need to work as to what you want. Would you not be better with a weekly clean whether with her or somebody else then it doesn’t build up.

Guineapigbridge · 02/11/2020 00:50

She's told you - but hasn't been direct with it - that she doesn't want to clean for you any more as its too far for her to travel. Plus, she finds your level of clutter difficult to deal with. So let her go.

I would be twitchy at cereal boxes on the counter too. Just put them away in a closed cupboard where they belong.

PandemicAtTheDisco · 02/11/2020 00:53

A local cleaner has struggled with her clients over the last few months. She's also introduced a new cleaning system which I think originates from the government. It's a much more thorough clean and uses more cleaning products and takes more time. She's also insisting on ventilation so opening all windows.

People WFH are not appreciating it. I'm not sure if she's fully understood the government advice or explained to her clients what she's up to. It does seem to be a communication issue.

TheyreComingToGetYouBarbara · 02/11/2020 01:35

I'd do whatever you like. If you feel like giving her a second chance, I'd want to first clear the air and make sure you both know what's expected from the other.

On the other hand, I wouldn't feel guilty for not giving her another chance, if you'd rather not. She's brought this on herself by suggesting that you should find another cleaner and generally behaving strangely. (It's not her place to tell you where to keep things! It's your home, not hers.)

Personally, I'd feel awkward and uncomfortable around her, now, and I'm not sure the atmosphere would ever completely return to the way they were before. I'd also worry that if she's unstable, you'll have more problems to look forward to.

I'd also wonder if the first time she mentioned "firing" clients it was a hint that she wasn't happy with how things were in your home. Then when that didn't lead to any changes, she became more frustrated and things escalated.

cabbageking · 02/11/2020 01:35

I would take a break and think about what you need.

Derbee · 02/11/2020 01:35

Fuck that, I’d tell her not to come back.

If it wasn’t so outrageous, it would be funny that your cleaner would dictate where you keep your cereal. Seriously, she’s sacked you as a client, and then tried to back pedal because she knows you’re happy to pay when she clearly takes the piss on time spent etc.

Derbee · 02/11/2020 01:36

And texting your husband instead of you would be the last straw, if you actually needed another reason to sack her. She insulted you. She ranted at you. She sacked you. Then apologises to your husband??

Buffyfan88 · 02/11/2020 01:43

It’s your home and you are the one hiring her.

I’m sorry but after that I’d have to let her go Sad

Frannibananni · 02/11/2020 02:04

I would let her go. People behave in certain ways with people, once it has crossed over very rarely will it go back to the easy work life it once was. We have all worked with people who have been in the same job too long and behave worse than we would want.

FortunesFave · 02/11/2020 03:26

I think it sounds as though she's having some mental health issues.

Her comment about clients possibly playing mind games coupled with her ranting at you do seem a bit...you know, as if she's not quite herself.

Itsallpointless · 02/11/2020 03:41

I've never had a cleaner so I've no idea what 'methods' cleaners use, do they not just clean?

It's a tough one OP, the worry of whether or not to keep/sack your cleaner must be keeping you up at nightHmmConfused

THisbackwithavengeance · 02/11/2020 04:18

I can't get past you paying her for the whole day to clean a flat.

She is clearly regretting losing her gravy train.

Graciebobcat · 02/11/2020 05:17

I'm sorry she seems to be having some mental health issues but I would just let her go and pay her for a couple of weeks in lieu of notice or whatever any agreed terms say.

BreakfastOfWaffles · 02/11/2020 05:29

I would suggest she takes a two week unpaid break from cleaning for you, and that she contact you after that if she wants to return.

FippertyGibbett · 02/11/2020 05:29

I think she is trying to get more money out of you.
Get rid before she boils your bunny.

LolalovesLondon · 02/11/2020 05:53

People sometimes refer to others when they are actually complaining about the person they are talking to.
They can’t bring themselves to be direct.
She’s sacked you. Find another cleaner

FatimaMunchy · 02/11/2020 05:53

Sounds as though her mental health is suffering. Cleaning is not many people's idea of a dream job, and she may not feel safe going from house to house.
I would see how it goes next time before taking action.
In our area it is a cleaner's market. Will it be easy for you to find another one?

FatimaMunchy · 02/11/2020 05:56

Itsallpointless that's a bit harsh. After five years they will have built up some kind of relationship, and it is not easy to think of sacking someone after all that time.