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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not sure about giving our cleaner a second chance - AIBU?

245 replies

Sydney88 · 01/11/2020 23:02

Hi all,

I'm really not sure what to do about the situation with my cleaner. I think we may need to let her go and find another but wanted to get some objective thoughts before deciding what to do.

YANBU - I should let her go
YABU - Keep her on

By way of background, I have had the same cleaner for about 5 years and we have always been happy with her. She comes every fortnight and stays the entire day (we pay over market rate for her time) - she cleans, does a bit of tidying, washes a few dishes from the morning and changes the beds. We recently moved from a flat to a house - the house is fairly large (right now its me and my husband and our 6 month old). We always give the house a quick tidy before she comes. But it's not a show home and we have a new baby - so there is a little bit of clutter in a few places. For instance, I have my breakfast cereals on the side of the kitchen counter - but that's by choice because its convenient for me. I may also leave a couple of baby bits here and there, as I'm using the house. I should add that we are in the process of renovating, so there are only four rooms that are in use (our bedroom, our ensuite, the play/temporary sitting room and the kitchen). The remaining bedrooms and living rooms are not in use.

So last week, my cleaner opened up to me about the fact that she is struggling with all her clients (she was really upset about it). She said that ever since COVID things have changed and she believes that people are playing mind games with her on purpose. She told me that people are leaving things arranged in a way that she doesn't know what to do. I suggested to her that people are perhaps using their homes more (since people are wfh etc) and so homes may not be as super organised as before - and for her to just ask her clients what they want her to do and for their expectations. Apparently, she has left a couple of long standing clients over this. She has also changed her style of cleaning so that she will move things to clean but move them back to exactly where originally (even if it is clear that it hasn't been arranged in that specific position like a book on the side - which makes her job take even longer).

Last week I walked into the kitchen while she was there and she starts complaining to me about the kitchen - regarding the items in the corner (i.e. the breakfast cereals and the baby's high chain table). I told her I was happy if she didn't clean that area if it is too difficult for her. She told me that this is not compatible with her new method of cleaning. I told her that I had a newborn and apologised that things are a little less organised but that I haven't really changed in the way I use my home - she strongly disagreed and she said it was not an excuse and not good enough. She also said it wasn't normal and was getting very aggressive at this point. I told her I don't organise my life around her cleaning and walked away from the situation. I was really upset at this point. Later she said that it wasn't worth her while to be making the journey to clean our house and for us to get a local cleaner. She effectively said that she had thought that we could come to an arrangement as to how I organise my home. When my DH came home from work, she was just leaving - so he struck up conversation regarding the whole thing (I had obviously called hime earlier in the day about it). She proceeded to rant about everything (and about me, the government and about other clients) but then said she was happy working for us. We said that we should all give it a think and that we would get back to her.

She has since messaged my husband to apologise for upsetting me and for being unprofessional.

I'm not sure what to do at this point. She is a very good cleaner and a nice lady. But I'm worried that she has become paranoid and unstable and wonder whether it is a good idea to keep her on. But if we let her go, I would feel terribly guilty - especially if she is losing income in these times.

OP posts:
Cloud21 · 04/11/2020 15:22

She’s doing everything she can to tell you she doesn’t want to work there....or by the sounds of it from what you’ve said, anywhere.

Well done to you for trying to sort it out though Flowers Congratulations on your new baby x

Pemba · 04/11/2020 15:24

Do you think you were paying her under the odds before, or was it the going rate?

I think this is a way for her to back out, like pps said. Why can't she just say that on reflection she doesn't think she can fit you in anymore? FFS it's like those traders who come round to quote and decide don't want the job but can't man up and say so, just go silent and never get back to you. Pathetic.

GenevaL · 04/11/2020 16:37

Isn’t her role to make your life easier?! I couldn’t be doing with a cleaner complaining about normal household items lying around.

PullTheBricksDown · 04/11/2020 17:24

Well that gives everyone a way out, handily. You can say you can't budget for that and you part ways without further upset.

Georgeoftheinternet · 04/11/2020 17:30

@Sydney88

So I called her - she was very apologetic. She said that she is offering a service to help me and had no place telling me how I run my house. I accepted her apology and we agreed to move forward. But before the call ended she asked for more money - 50% extra on what we are already paying her. I guess that dictates the outcome as me and DH aren’t going to pay her that amount.
What’s her hourly rate?

If you have moved to a bigger house I can understand.

WhereverIGoddamnLike · 04/11/2020 17:53

You already pay her a full day rate when she only works a few hours... and now she wants to up her price by 50% after behaving spectacular badly. No way.

Did you tell her straight away or will you need to speak with her again? How annoying this whole thing has been for you.

Sleepforever · 04/11/2020 18:02

How much do you currently pay her and how far are you away from her (miles/ travel time) since your move?

switswooo · 04/11/2020 18:08

This is a terrible way to go about getting a pay rise. She seems to see herself as indispensable. Unfortunately no one is that.

Sydney88 · 04/11/2020 18:21

If money was the issue, I would rather her have had an honest conversation with me rather than the meltdown that I got. When we moved, we asked her how much she wanted (after she saw the house) so that we could keep her and we agreed to that amount. So no idea where this is coming from. It’s not an hourly rate, just a flat rate however long or little she spends on cleaning (which is what she again had asked for)...

OP posts:
Davros · 04/11/2020 18:32

Give her this 🥾

Ddot · 04/11/2020 19:16

Take back what I wrote, 50% hike! me thinks she dont want to work for you.

SeptemberAlexandra · 04/11/2020 19:36

Find another cleaner. You asked her how much she wanted to clean your new home and allowed her to set the rules. This is very much a case of give an inch and take a mile.

MsTSwift · 04/11/2020 19:46

Seriously get a cleaning company and take the personal relationship out of it. We’ve had cleaners bringing enormous men with them, cleaners drinking their way through our drinks cabinet and with personal difficulties they I am told all about making everything awkward. Love the anonymity of a team turning up I just deal with their manager. I would NEVER hire a one to one personal cleaner again.

Cony95 · 04/11/2020 20:06

No, YANBU at all. I have been working as a cleaner before having kids and had to clean in different households but never asked the clients to organize their houses as I want. First, don't feel guilty about it, it's your house and your right to move/leave things in a certain way. If there's much more work to do i would rather ask for a pay rise or some more time to do the cleaning than being rude. Also maybe she is anxious working when the house is full since Covid or very stressed , but if you had her for so long it worths to ask her what is actually bothering her.

Curvy01 · 05/11/2020 18:45

I don't think your lady is coping well with the restrictions of Covid 19. On having said that, she needs to comply with your lifestyle not the other way around. I think she was just having a bad day. If you've known her for five years and been happy with her, it sounds like something has changed to provoke such behaviour. I'd sit her down and tell her your exact expectations and let her know you're in charge of this arrangement not her. Make it clear to her that you won't be pulled in to her dramas. I think, ultimately, you may have to look elsewhere.

groutingqueen · 05/11/2020 18:53

I had a cleaner like this. Basically wanted to shine taps and have an empty house to clean. I had 2 kids under 15m so that wasn't happening. I wanted someone to use some common sense and not make life harder for me.

I was annoyed because I had sat down with her before I employed her and she knew the situation and she priced based on our requirements. Then didn't do anything. The final straw was when we were away for a week and I came back to find she hadn't wiped our kitchen worktop because there was 1 dirty cup on it (that she couldn't be bothered to put in the dishwasher) and hadn't cleaned the bathroom as there was a water mark around the toilet. Apparently she "forgot".

Hire a new cleaner OP

Blondeshavemorefun · 05/11/2020 22:09

50% extra even tho gets paid all day for 3-4 hrs some days

How far away did you move

She is a cmf

Cheeky motherfucker

eeek88 · 05/11/2020 23:41

She sounds as if she's building up to a big breakdown, poor thing.
And poor you. What a difficult position to be in. Sounds like your life would undoubtedly be easier without her, or with a different cleaner, or with no cleaner at all. But do you want it on your conscience that you fired somebody who was clearly unwell in the middle of a pandemic?

A wise relative once told me that it's always best to try not to do anything that you would look back on in years to come and have a bad conscience about. He's all about waiting, and waiting, and eventually situations like this do tend to resolve themselves. But it can take a long time and be very stressful (and expensive) in the meantime.

I line manage somebody whose behaviour sounds very much like your cleaner's. After 5 years of being her LN I had well and truly had enough. She'd started off supportive and helpful but as time went on it got harder and harder to ask her to do anything because she would just refuse saying it wasn't her job, or go directly to my manager and say I wasn't giving her clear enough instructions and that's why she's doing nothing again - whereupon I'd get told off by the manager and have to explain that I'd actually given up asking her to do anything because she always refuses. After about six months of her being utterly impossible I persuaded the manager to give me a little break from her for a month and put her with somebody else. At the end of the month she had a collossal breakdown and didn't come back for 9 months - so it wasn't me, it turned out... We're now working together again, and it's going quite well. I'm glad we stuck with her because I do like her and when she's well she's good at her job. We could have found a myriad of reasons to fire her while she was building up to the breakdown, but it would have felt pretty nasty.

With your cleaner I would just ask her whether she is happy to carry on working for you, given that the house is going to be chaotic / different to what she's used to, because your life has changed. If she can live with that then great, if not it's up to her what she wants to do. Leave ball in her court. If remotely possible, go out while she's there.

My cleaner is incredibly irritating - world's expert on all matters type of person - and if I'm home when she comes she just chews my ear off constantly even when I'm in the middle of something else. But she's a good cleaner. I just avoid her. During lockdown I paid her not to come. Worth every penny.

GabsAlot · 06/11/2020 12:51

sorry shes mad apologised siad you could run your house how you wish then asks for a 50% raise

what did you say to that

Skysblue · 06/11/2020 16:27

Can’t believe that she asked for a pay rise 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Too much drama and the confidence is gone now. Get rid.

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