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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not sure about giving our cleaner a second chance - AIBU?

245 replies

Sydney88 · 01/11/2020 23:02

Hi all,

I'm really not sure what to do about the situation with my cleaner. I think we may need to let her go and find another but wanted to get some objective thoughts before deciding what to do.

YANBU - I should let her go
YABU - Keep her on

By way of background, I have had the same cleaner for about 5 years and we have always been happy with her. She comes every fortnight and stays the entire day (we pay over market rate for her time) - she cleans, does a bit of tidying, washes a few dishes from the morning and changes the beds. We recently moved from a flat to a house - the house is fairly large (right now its me and my husband and our 6 month old). We always give the house a quick tidy before she comes. But it's not a show home and we have a new baby - so there is a little bit of clutter in a few places. For instance, I have my breakfast cereals on the side of the kitchen counter - but that's by choice because its convenient for me. I may also leave a couple of baby bits here and there, as I'm using the house. I should add that we are in the process of renovating, so there are only four rooms that are in use (our bedroom, our ensuite, the play/temporary sitting room and the kitchen). The remaining bedrooms and living rooms are not in use.

So last week, my cleaner opened up to me about the fact that she is struggling with all her clients (she was really upset about it). She said that ever since COVID things have changed and she believes that people are playing mind games with her on purpose. She told me that people are leaving things arranged in a way that she doesn't know what to do. I suggested to her that people are perhaps using their homes more (since people are wfh etc) and so homes may not be as super organised as before - and for her to just ask her clients what they want her to do and for their expectations. Apparently, she has left a couple of long standing clients over this. She has also changed her style of cleaning so that she will move things to clean but move them back to exactly where originally (even if it is clear that it hasn't been arranged in that specific position like a book on the side - which makes her job take even longer).

Last week I walked into the kitchen while she was there and she starts complaining to me about the kitchen - regarding the items in the corner (i.e. the breakfast cereals and the baby's high chain table). I told her I was happy if she didn't clean that area if it is too difficult for her. She told me that this is not compatible with her new method of cleaning. I told her that I had a newborn and apologised that things are a little less organised but that I haven't really changed in the way I use my home - she strongly disagreed and she said it was not an excuse and not good enough. She also said it wasn't normal and was getting very aggressive at this point. I told her I don't organise my life around her cleaning and walked away from the situation. I was really upset at this point. Later she said that it wasn't worth her while to be making the journey to clean our house and for us to get a local cleaner. She effectively said that she had thought that we could come to an arrangement as to how I organise my home. When my DH came home from work, she was just leaving - so he struck up conversation regarding the whole thing (I had obviously called hime earlier in the day about it). She proceeded to rant about everything (and about me, the government and about other clients) but then said she was happy working for us. We said that we should all give it a think and that we would get back to her.

She has since messaged my husband to apologise for upsetting me and for being unprofessional.

I'm not sure what to do at this point. She is a very good cleaner and a nice lady. But I'm worried that she has become paranoid and unstable and wonder whether it is a good idea to keep her on. But if we let her go, I would feel terribly guilty - especially if she is losing income in these times.

OP posts:
Miranda15110 · 03/11/2020 20:57

[quote rookiemere]@Miranda15110 but the cleaner is not an employee, she is self employed.[/quote]
Semantics Smile

cherish123 · 03/11/2020 21:00

She sounds like she is struggling mentally. I would probably get rid. If you are at home at the moment, I would not bother with a cleaner. You could look for one for when you go back to work.

polarbearoverthere · 03/11/2020 21:05

The poor lady sounds really stressed and not herself. Is it possible that she just needs a break and can return when she’s feeling more able to work in her usual way? I think it’s good that she recognised her behaviour was unprofessional. I vote give her another chance

SparklyShoesandTutus · 03/11/2020 21:37

Sounds like she might be really struggling potentially have anxiety which isn't surprising in the current situation and it came out in an unhelpful way.
Good cleaners are not that easy to come by so you need to decide if you would rather spend some time with her working out something that works for both of you or you part ways and start the search for a new cleaner.

QueenoftheFarts · 03/11/2020 21:45

Let her go but signpost her to help, she clearly isn't well.

Itsallpointless · 03/11/2020 21:49

@sashadjas and there's me thinking you were rather an educated bunch..I guess you can't buy classConfused

QueenoftheFarts · 03/11/2020 21:51

Let her go but signpost her to help, she clearly isn't well.

ittakes2 · 03/11/2020 22:05

I have many cleaners over the years I’ve found once trust is broken I can’t go back.

Ratherberightthanhappy · 03/11/2020 22:18

“She is a very good cleaner and a nice lady.“
Apparently not, based on the exhibit A, B & C...
New cleaner time.

SHONNYSMUMMY · 03/11/2020 22:31

@Sydney88 to be honest I think she sounds really stressed and has taken her frustration out on you. It weren't professional but I think she's fallen into friendship territory due to the period of time she has worked with you and she needs a cuppa and conversation. Covid is taking its toil in all different aspects don't let her go!

msgreen · 03/11/2020 22:37

who on earth wants anyone coming into their home with covid
situ , if i had a new baby i certainly would not want anyone who is cleaning for multiple households !
maybe she thinks she may infect the baby which is why she didn't
want to clean in that area
just a thought

salsah · 03/11/2020 22:52

You have enough on your plate with a new baby. She should be cutting you some slack and helping you, not the other way around. Time to part ways.

JessicaBlack101 · 03/11/2020 23:02

As said by a few people above..... she takes a day to clean 4 rooms????
When my mother worked in a hotel, she had to clean 20-40 rooms in 3 hours. Which includes scrubbing showers.
What takes so long?

LoisLane66 · 03/11/2020 23:17

Of she is taking l day to clean a flat, even changing beds and washing breakfast dishes, then she is not a good cleaner UNLESS by cleaning, you mean that she also cleans all the inside windows, cleans bathroom tile grout with a toothbrush and does a reasonable pile of ironing.

LoisLane66 · 03/11/2020 23:18

*If not of

catnoir1 · 03/11/2020 23:50

I wouldn't get rid of her if this is the first time something like this has happened. See what happens when you next speak to her and if nothings changed, get rid.

Blueink · 04/11/2020 07:48

She doesn’t sound very well, you can be gracious about it, but probably less stressful for both of you to end your ‘cleaning relationship’ ASAP.

GabsAlot · 04/11/2020 10:36

maybe she is having a crisis but it still sholdnt take all day to do 4 rooms what exactly is she doing

museumum · 04/11/2020 10:46

I would talk to her and see if she's willing to carry on without having a go at you. I'd make it clear that it's YOUR home and your happy to have her back but only in a way that works for you and caring for your baby and that might mean things in different places. If she comes weekly maybe take a week off to think about it.
If she's going to insist on overstepping the mark and bossing you about then I can't see any alternative but to give notice.

Someonesayroadtrip · 04/11/2020 12:11

Hmmm. It does sound like she is struggled mentally which is understandable.

I would also say you are reasonable to have paid her throughout lockdown even when she hasn't worked. She got aggressive with you, basically said she wasn't doing it anymore and went on to talk about other clients which I think is really disrespectful.

She's had an entire day to clean, which is a lot.

I keep going back and forth on it, I think she could be struggling, she possibly has a lot of time off and has come back to more disruption than usual and struggling to get back into the swing of it. However it's the aggression, paranoia and talking about others that has me really mixed. It's it a mental break or is she just not a nice person? I sway towards the former but unless she can acknowledge that it's a difficult position to be in.

Sydney88 · 04/11/2020 13:43

So I called her - she was very apologetic. She said that she is offering a service to help me and had no place telling me how I run my house. I accepted her apology and we agreed to move forward. But before the call ended she asked for more money - 50% extra on what we are already paying her. I guess that dictates the outcome as me and DH aren’t going to pay her that amount.

OP posts:
makingmammaries · 04/11/2020 13:49

Chancer!

Plonthy · 04/11/2020 13:50

@Sydney88

So I called her - she was very apologetic. She said that she is offering a service to help me and had no place telling me how I run my house. I accepted her apology and we agreed to move forward. But before the call ended she asked for more money - 50% extra on what we are already paying her. I guess that dictates the outcome as me and DH aren’t going to pay her that amount.
I would have told her to fuck off.

Twice.

supportivemyarse · 04/11/2020 13:56

a 50% fee hike! on a daily rate to clean 4 rooms! yeah no. at least you know there's nowt wrong with her mental health.

BackforGood · 04/11/2020 14:20

Thanks for updating.
It seems she really doesn't want to work for you.
She has made her own choice.
She was already taking a lot more money from you than could possibly have been needed to clean a flat containing 2 working adults.
the very idea of asking for any rise anyway, but particularly after her rudeness last week is pretty - erm... 'bold' to say the least. Mking 50% more is what self employed people do when they don't want the job.

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