To suggest to DH that we draw up a declaration of trust?

[Gimmeashake]

Hello all. Bit of background: my Ddad died earlier this year and left my brother and I a significant sum each. We couldn't believe it - never had anything like this sum in our lives. Anyway, I want to use some of it to pay off the help to buy loan my DH and I took out when we bought our house. I'll also put some of the remainder on to the mortgage to try and pay it off earlier. My friend suggested I request a DoT to protect this money should DH and I ever separate. I have said as much to my DH and I think he's very offended. I have made it clear that it's only because it's my dad's money and wouldn't seem right if he - for example - left, had another family (he's ten years younger than me so impossible for me but not him!) and to have 50k of my dad's money. We have one D.C. together too so I'm thinking of her future as well. He said he should therefore do the same to protect any money he makes from his entrepreneurial side ventures. I actually think it's not quite the same - I earn more than him and don't have any issue with sharing my earnings (I pay for all holidays and luxuries, house stuff and so on). I don't think he'd admit he was offended but I can tell I can understand this might be hurtful but I just thought it sensible. My dbro has zero intention of doing the same with his partner. Aibu? I can take it!

Definitely use some of it to talk to a solicitor before you do anything.

@Mbhatescf123

That isn’t necessarily the case and he could want 50/50 custody. Presumably the Op would remain in the house and the dp would have to pay to rent somewhere or buy a place and pay maintenance so wouldn’t have 75 percent of his wages to himself. I think it’s up to the op but would she be happy if her Dp had gotten inheritance and wanted to do this? I doubt it very much.

I have absolutely no problem with it. I can't touch my husband's inheritance and he can't touch any of mind. Je also vanity touch most of my properties. He has no problem with it

I'm not sure a deed of trust would protect you if you were to divorce. We had one because we bought a house before we married but I think after marriage it becomes worthless.
I would put a large chunk of money into an account for your child to protect it for their future.
I can't understand all the people that believe everything is "family money" I've seen so many friends lose out when relationships break down, one owned a house outright before meeting her husband, had to sell and give him half the money when her husband left her for another woman, she now has to rent a place with her children and her ex and new partner benefit from what was her inheritance.

As a divorcee, I would advocate a DOT. I wonder how many people on this thread would kick themselves for not getting one and attempting to protect family money when the statistics suggest that for plenty of people on this thread, divorce will loom, or maybe people are not keen to suggest getting one because if it were them, they would be at a perceived disadvantage from one. Whether it actually makes any difference during a divorce settlement is a different matter, but it should be the minimum that you walk away with after debts.

his entrepreneurial side ventures

That little phrase there leaves you potentially exposed. A Deed of Trust is a pragmatic way for you to protect your inheritance which also serves to protect him in the event that his side ventures fall apart.

You are not keeping your inheritance to yourself, you are sharing it with your family with one caveat being that if he leaves your family unit, he doesn't benefit any longer. That's sensible not selfish.

What would be stupid financially, and I say this from a professional perspective, would be to put significant assets in the ownership or shared ownership of the family member with the most financial exposure. If his ventures fail and he ends up bankrupt, your inheritance won't be protected when his share of the equity is taken into account and the whole family lose.

Plan for the worst but hope for the best.

It's not something I would do. My husband earns a lot more than me and he would always see what he earns as family money. Lazy bugger never even checks the bank balance.

I do think when we are faced with this we'd both feel some of the money should be used on something nice for the person who is bereaved ie if this was me I'd buy a picture or a piece of jewellery, the rest would be to make us more financially secure.

Actually i think i just remembered a DOT is superseded by marriage act?? But anyway something legal that identifies it as inheritance money to be ringfenced.

No idea of the legal position. But in your DH's shoes I would be offended and hurt also, and I think YABU.

I think you are being cautious and sensible but it is sad we all should think about things like this. It is absolutely not the same as money he has earned. Prat.

I've probably had all the inheritance I'm ever going to get whereas dh has some coming. What I haven't spent of mine is in a savings account in my name. All of DHs earnings are shared.

It's interesting how divided the responses - seems 50/50 ish which reflects my position - I can see both sides. I'm going to look at the Nelsons trust link from a pp and consult a solicitor for advice.

I think there are two different aspects to this, and each requires the opposite answer.

It's not very cheerful to think you might split up, and I would tend to go with 'it's family money', unless you feel that there is a real chance a split is on the cards. How long have you been together?

However you're 10 years older than him, and without being morbid there is a distinct chance you will die first. If your estate passed to him on your death, it is then his money and he can dispose of it in his will however he wishes, and if he remarried then yes, it could end up all going to a new wife and her DCs. You can get round that by having a will and not leaving it all to him, but would he be equally upset by that?

And although I agree in principle with shared money (DP and I don't have any his and mine, it's all ours, joint accounts etc) I was another who got a bit itchy at you paying for everything and him having his sidelines. Do you genuinely share finances, or in reality is more that you subsidise him to do what he wants and giving him a lifestyle he wants (and does he expect it to be that way?).

I'm sorry for your loss, OP. Losing a parent is such a blow no matter what age.

I inherited some money following my Mum's death (most went to Dad, naturally). Some went on household repairs we needed, some on DC's university accomodation costs but the majority of it is still there in a savings account.

I decided I needed to have time to grieve and come to terms with everything before making irreversible financial decisions. If you're still dealing with the emotional fallout of bereavement, why not leave decision-making for a while?

It's not just if the OP gets divorced though. If she dies and the husband remarries then something happens to him, the new wife would get OP's money.

And although I agree in principle with shared money (DP and I don't have any his and mine, it's all ours, joint accounts etc) I was another who got a bit itchy at you paying for everything and him having his sidelines. Do you genuinely share finances, or in reality is more that you subsidise him to do what he wants and giving him a lifestyle he wants (and does he expect it to be that way?).

YY to this ^^

(If he suggested the same) I think I'd be hurt but think it fair

Sounds reasonable to me, and probably a useful guiding principle going forward

Excellent idea to get legal advice, but when you do it I'd pay particular attention to the large amount you're already funding, what contribution he realistically makes and especially what those "entrepreneurial" activities mean and cost ... and yes, I'd say exactly the same if the position was reversed

Op ignore this thread entirely and take proper legal advice. In a long marriage you can’t unilaterally decide what you would and would not want to be included in the estate on divorce 🙄 that’s not how it works.

It’s not up to the individual to decide what’s shared or not in a long marriage! Please don’t “advise” if you don’t know what you are talking about

This all seems quite strange and foreign to me. If one of us inherited any money at all I would think if it as we inherited money. My DH the same. Seems strange to think otherwise, sorry.

The reason dh insisted my small inheritance went in an account just in my name is for very good and kind reasons. Nothing strange about it.

We are likely to be in a similar situation with dh inheritance and I would be quite upset if he suggested the same to me. In theory I will also inherit money from my mum (although hers is a more complicated situation and I won't be surprised if we don't however if I do that will be family money and we decide together what to do with it. No way would I try to protect it from my husband.

So a similar scenario happened to DSis and I. She was married at the time, I was in a long term relationship, living together, but not married.
Before I got married I got a prenup to safeguard my inheritance and invested it. When I divorced my OH he didn't contest the money.
My DSis put her money into their house and they both signed a document acknowledging this additional contribution and if they divorced she would get this back first when they sold their house. They did eventually divorce, their house sold for a profit and she got her money back before the rest was divided. Side note, this was not an amicable split.

I had a deed of trust with dh when we bought a house together.

In all honesty, if we split now, I'd want to go halvers with the lot because I'd want him to have the best chance of buying a property and having the kids 50/50.

Also, I put it in more but dh is 8 years younger and will be paying off our mortgage while I am living it up in retirement.

I kind of hope my husband never sees this thread

His inheritance is currently sitting in my personal savings account.

We have joint property, but I also have a very valuable property that was gifted to me long after we married, and is in my name only.
I’ll add him on eventually, but for tax reasons, it won’t be for a while.

Though my solicitor was very clear that if we did divorce, he could claim entitlement.

Luckily, we like each other. For now anyway.

Op does not your dd have any money in her name, 9 thousand a year can go into an isa for her, stocks and shares etc.

You could put some money away for her, even a sipp, and put money into our for when she retires! Also maybe buy her premium bonds.

Personally I would use the money to purchase a buy-to-let propertie(s) inside a trust in your name which passes to your DD when you die. The capital is then protected but you can use 'some' of the profits from the rental income to benefit your whole family immediately.