To suggest to DH that we draw up a declaration of trust?

[Gimmeashake]

Hello all. Bit of background: my Ddad died earlier this year and left my brother and I a significant sum each. We couldn't believe it - never had anything like this sum in our lives. Anyway, I want to use some of it to pay off the help to buy loan my DH and I took out when we bought our house. I'll also put some of the remainder on to the mortgage to try and pay it off earlier. My friend suggested I request a DoT to protect this money should DH and I ever separate. I have said as much to my DH and I think he's very offended. I have made it clear that it's only because it's my dad's money and wouldn't seem right if he - for example - left, had another family (he's ten years younger than me so impossible for me but not him!) and to have 50k of my dad's money. We have one D.C. together too so I'm thinking of her future as well. He said he should therefore do the same to protect any money he makes from his entrepreneurial side ventures. I actually think it's not quite the same - I earn more than him and don't have any issue with sharing my earnings (I pay for all holidays and luxuries, house stuff and so on). I don't think he'd admit he was offended but I can tell I can understand this might be hurtful but I just thought it sensible. My dbro has zero intention of doing the same with his partner. Aibu? I can take it!

My DH has inherited a fair whack of money lately. If he suggested he ringfence it in case we separated, I would seriously question how he felt about me.

YABU.

If this money had been left to you before you met your DH then it'd possibly a different story, but as things stand you've thrown your lot in with him now, it's joint money.

The only middle ground I can think of would be putting some of it in a trust fund of some kind, maybe usind child ISAs, for your child.

Like others have all said, I don't think you can both keep it just for you and your child AND spend it on the 'family home'. If you spend it on the house you jointly own then it becomes 'family money'.

If you really want to keep it from your husband then you can't spend it on your home and probably need to keep it in trust for your child (not you).

It depends on your family's attitude to money splitting.

If you share all earnings, would consider a work bonus 'family money' and have the same amount of monthly spending money then I would just add an inheritance to the common pot.

On the contrary, if you have separate finances and don't share everything otherwise then I would keep it.

Yabu

It’s legally pointless and will serve only to upset your husband. If you felt this strongly about asset protection you shouldn’t have got married in the first place.

I had this situation with my DH. My inheritance paid for 30% of our mortgage deposit.

When I said my vows I meant them.

What's his is mine and vice versa.

Almost 28 years later and we would still give each other our last penny if we needed it.

I don't know where I stand on this really

DH and I have always seen our money as family money. DH has had several modest inheritances, one of which helped us move from a flat to a house. I then had a critical illness payout which built an extension I am now sat in.

It's always all gone in one pot. I'm not naive and I know relationships fail but somehow I think if you have children together, you just need to be all in, that includes finances as well. I guess it helps that we have the same financial goals and have been together a very long time....

Im so.glad inheritances are not considered marital property unless its comingled....

Honestly, Does it really matter? If you divorce, then the spouse usually won't get any inheritance property. In any case, if my wife asked me about something like this, I'd assume that she has one foot in the divorce door.

YABU. Its not worth upsetting someone for the sake of 50k. If it were 300k it might make more sense. But given that he will be working for 10 years longer than you, its hardly equitable.

I’m torn on this OP

My DH is older than me, earns much more than me and I’ve taken a huge hit to my career having DS and now pregnant with number 2. We have prioritised his career to my detriment but in pursuit of a shared goal (a family).

I would not do this if he wasn’t 100% 50/50 with me! Everything that comes into our pot is shared. He had a 6 figure sum when we met and that’s now 50/50. He stands to inherit a lot more than me, which will also be split.

I spend very little, manage our finances and am very careful. Why would he ever try to ring-fence money from me? If he ran off with another woman id feel very short changed and I certainly feel more secure knowing that If he ever did leave me I’d be walking away in a decent position to support myself and our small children

I'd protect it but then again my partner is bad with money.
Even though I know deep down he would never touch money that was given to me etc I would still protect it to cover my back.

If my husband did this I would assume he was thinking our relationship didn't have a furure...

I don't think it would be unreasonable to put it in trust somehow for your daughter.

That isn’t necessarily the case and he could want 50/50 custody. Presumably the Op would remain in the house and the dp would have to pay to rent somewhere or buy a place and pay maintenance so wouldn’t have 75 percent of his wages to himself. I think it’s up to the op but would she be happy if her Dp had gotten inheritance and wanted to do this? I doubt it very much.

I think I might divide it into thirds. 1/3 put away for my child, which benefits everyone really; 1/3 saved up for me; remaining 1/3 joint money to pay off the loan, pay down the mortgage, whatever you both want to do with it.

That way everyone benefits from your Dad’s hard-earned money. If DH and I inherit anything, we wouldn’t necessarily expect it to go into the joint pot, although it would be nice if some was spent on the family.

I feel mixed - generally I feel like all money should be family money. But I've had relatives burned by this - including one whose parents gave him his inheritance early so he and his wife of 15 years, mother of his four children, could buy a house. She promptly ran off with someone else within a few months of the house purchase and was entitled to 50% of the money. In my opinion this is so clearly wrong, I don't see what difference it really makes if the parent is dead.

On the other hand, I don't think it's fair to ringfence this forever. After how many years does this money become family money?

As you're married, a Declaration of Trust wouldn't be wholly binding. Ideally you need a Post-Nuptial Agreement.

In the absence of either, treatment of your inheritance will much depend on the circumstances at the time of inheritance. Your biggest risk is that it may well be considered "mingled" with the family assets, particularly if some time has passed.

I definetly don’t think paying on the existing mortgage and then protecting it is right because it means in the even of a split the op would get 50 percent of the share on the house then the 50 thousand on top. It’s better to keep the 50k in a separate account if that’s what you want to do because doing putting it on the mortgage doesn’t help your Dh in anyway and actually would penalise him if it came to a split in the future.

@Gimmeashake

Hello all. Bit of background: my Ddad died earlier this year and left my brother and I a significant sum each. We couldn't believe it - never had anything like this sum in our lives. Anyway, I want to use some of it to pay off the help to buy loan my DH and I took out when we bought our house. I'll also put some of the remainder on to the mortgage to try and pay it off earlier. My friend suggested I request a DoT to protect this money should DH and I ever separate. I have said as much to my DH and I think he's very offended. I have made it clear that it's only because it's my dad's money and wouldn't seem right if he - for example - left, had another family (he's ten years younger than me so impossible for me but not him!) and to have 50k of my dad's money. We have one D.C. together too so I'm thinking of her future as well. He said he should therefore do the same to protect any money he makes from his entrepreneurial side ventures. I actually think it's not quite the same - I earn more than him and don't have any issue with sharing my earnings (I pay for all holidays and luxuries, house stuff and so on). I don't think he'd admit he was offended but I can tell I can understand this might be hurtful but I just thought it sensible. My dbro has zero intention of doing the same with his partner. Aibu? I can take it!

I love my partner but when it comes to money (in wills or a large amount saved) I protect myself. I.e I put down a lot of money for our deposit about 3/4 and ring fenced the money so that if we split he can't touch it. He respects that but he also has always earned more money so never taken offence.

I would be offended if I were your DH too. Any monies we have are part of the shared family pot.

I don't think YABU and I think your partner should understand that this is 50k of your dads money and you are right to want to protect it. Nobody thinks or expect that their relationship is going to breakdown, but judging by what we see on here, it is not uncommon. What's the difference between this and insurance? You don't think, 'oh I won't bother with house insurance as I don't believe I will have a house fire'. I think he needs to respect the fact you are being practical and be a bit more grown up about it.

@SarahBellam I think I'd be hurt but think it fair.

YANBU to want to protect the money OP. I thought I would be married forever, put the new house in joint names despite being the one with all the money after selling my house, but XH walked out on us a few years later. I would never put myself in a position again where I might have to give away half of my house or money to anyone.

Make sure that you get proper legal advice so that you know exactly what you are doing and that the money is protected in the way that you intend, whether that is a Deed or a Trust.

Keep the money separate, perhaps by investing it somehow - maybe in property that is solely yours? Don't put it into shared accommodation that will be classed as marital assets.

You could tell him it's to ease the financial cost of your retirement, which will put a dent in the family finances as you are going to be the first to retire.

Earmark some for your child when she turns 18/wants to go to university.

I can see how your H would feel hurt by the suggestion that your dad would not have wanted him to benefit from the money. Maybe plan a few nice family holidays (not extravaganzas like trips to Bali but long weekends in Paris, etc) where the family could all enjoy themselves.