To be upset my DP tells me I'm attractive and not beautiful

[attractivenotbeautiful]

DP and I have been together for 4 years. After our very first date, he text me to say he had a great time and told me that I'm very attractive. He is lovely, compliments me regularly and jokes that he is punching above his weight because I am more attractive than him. However, he has never told me I am beautiful. :( AIBU to be upset about this? Beautiful seems more personal and affectionate, "attractive" I think is quite vague. Yes, I am aware this is quite a shallow post. I just want my boyfriend to tell me he thinks I am beautiful instead of "attractive".

I think everyone hears the negative side of whatever is said.

When I was a child my sister and I were told that I was the beautiful one, she was the attractive one.

She grew up thinking she was ugly, I grew up thinking I was unattractive.

For me attractive ranks way higher than beautiful in the compliment stakes.

My husband of over 20 years has never told me I'm beautiful (I don't think). It hasn't occurred to me to be offended by that. He used to refer to me as "pretty" when i was in my 20s but hasn't for years. He sometimes describes me as gorgeous/ a cracker/good looking/"very nice" if I'm dressed up glam but even those compliments are few and far between. On our wedding day when I got to the top of the aisle he said "you look lovely" I think.

He isn't one for flowery compliments and if he started I'd think it very suspicious haha. I know he finds me attractive though and I'm happy with that.

True beauty is quite rare I think - seems to rely on a fabulous bone structure and endure through the decades. Prettiness/attractiveness is more superficial and tends to fade with youth and slowness dare I say. Not being beautiful does not endear you less to someone who loves you. My daughter isn't typically "beautiful" but I would rather gaze at her lovely face than any other because I love and adore her so much.

I feel sorry for the posters who don't think it matters whether their partner finds them ugly. Why would you settle for that??

@Crystal87

I feel sorry for the posters who don't think it matters whether their partner finds them ugly. Why would you settle for that??

He finds her attractive, that’s a million miles away from ugly.

Imagine asking your partner to tell you you're beautiful 😂
Cringing myself almost inside out here. Jesus!

Don’t be silly Crystal.

@MiniTheMinx

Don't settle for mediocre platitudes, or with a man who doesn't think you are beautiful to him. Beauty lasts a lifetime, long after you've ceased being "attractive"

The OP has said as well as saying she is attractive 'He is lovely, compliments me regularly and jokes that he is punching above his weight because I am more attractive than him'
I would venture using the word Beautiful is the mediocre platitudes rather than all the above.
Goodness they are some very destructive ppl on this thread.

Are you beautiful then? If not, do you want him to lie? Do you tell him he’s beautiful? If not, why not?

Couldn’t agree more.

Omg r u serious. Handing u a grip.

I don't understand your Concern. Do you have low self esteem?

I'm not beautiful. Not even attractive really. I scrub up well though. I can look lovely on a night out. I'm completely fine about all of this!

I think you need to address what is really driving this.

That was to Cheese’s post. Telling a woman she is beautiful is the most ubiquitous compliment there is. I’ve been called beautiful a couple of times but only by men making an attempt to shag me at the end of the night, not by anyone whose opinion mattered.
I did not shag them.

Very few people are actually beautiful. I only know 2 in RL.

You need to get over yourself love

What is beautiful? What is attractive?
Beauty comes from.within, forming many things about a person. Kindness, thoughtfulness, looking after people. To me that is beauty.

Op what’s causing your need to be told you’re beautiful? It’s obviously very important to you that he at least thinks so,

Do you compare yourself to other women? Do you worry about how you compare? Do you understand why this is so important to you?

Does he call other people beautiful? Celebrities etc?

I would be upset if he kept saying Scarlet Johannson is beautiful but wouldn't say it about me... Even though I'm obviously not as beautiful 🤣

I think it's about the different ways of expressing love it sounds like you need affirmations but he might show it in a different way. I think it's called the languages of love where they have the different ways of expressing. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting your partner to find you beautiful BTW

Id take attractive any day especially after I've been looking/feeling recently! Although come to think of it I don't think my Sons Dad ever complemented my appearance other than once when he said he liked my tshirt

Ha OP, MN is not the place to ask for sympathy on something so superficial didn't you know that most mumsnetters would divorce their DH's if they even dare mutter anything as trifling as a compliment on their aesthetics

OP, I get you. I love it when my DH calls me beautiful, most normal women do

Well, are you beautiful? Odds are, probably not!

OP, I get you. I love it when my DH calls me beautiful, most normal women do

I don’t think you get the responses though and I’m not quite sure you even get the op. She is told she’s attractive he’s punching etc. It’s simply she also wishes to be told she’s beautiful. I don’t think most woman have this urge, yes, being compliment is great but I don’t think most women say that’s great you think I’m attractive but I need to be told I’m beautiful.

YABU. Unless you are a fairytale princes. In which case, YANBU.

One more comment - once I was checking in for a flight with DH - he was travelling on business I was with him. Because of queues we ended up at the Concorde desk ( you can tell how long ago it was ) . Tom Ford was at the same desk. Let me tell you that man in real life is someone you could look at like a painting. Just gorgeous to look at . Do I find my shorter folically challenged husband more attractive - yes I do ( and I know it was a moment in time and Tom Ford would not be the slightest bit interested in me ) but I do think there is a difference between beautiful & attractive ( some lucky to have both ) but I would still take attractive as a compliment. I have never had to make my living from my looks but also , as a woman , I do not define myself by my looks. & indeed nor should men. But by goodness Tom Ford is a sight for sore eyes - but a bit like a painting or a sculpture IYSWIM

There are women out there probably as a type getting called an ugly cunt while having the shit kicked out of them. Some people have it so good they really don’t know when they’ve got it good.

It's maybe not a word he uses, DP has only ever called me beautiful once, but he doesn't really use the word. He's king of the understatement too, so 'quite attractive' would equate to 'drop dead gorgeous' said by someone else!