To be upset my DP tells me I'm attractive and not beautiful

[attractivenotbeautiful]

DP and I have been together for 4 years. After our very first date, he text me to say he had a great time and told me that I'm very attractive. He is lovely, compliments me regularly and jokes that he is punching above his weight because I am more attractive than him. However, he has never told me I am beautiful. :( AIBU to be upset about this? Beautiful seems more personal and affectionate, "attractive" I think is quite vague. Yes, I am aware this is quite a shallow post. I just want my boyfriend to tell me he thinks I am beautiful instead of "attractive".

If anyone is going to LTB I suspect it's your DP, if you are so vain and shallow.

Are you beautiful?
I’m attractive...I have great hair, I’m slim and fit and I dress well and take care of my appearance. I might ‘look great’ but I’m not a natural beauty by any stretch of the imagination. It’s not a compliment I’d expect to receive.

Words are cheap. You don't need validation from others. Well, you shouldn't. Especially on something superficial, like this.
Would he go out in the middle of the night to an all-night chemist, if you were ill? Does he do what he says he is going to do? Does he do things to make your life better?
Forget about words and judge be actions.

I actually see where you're coming from. To me they're not synonyms. Somebody can be not that beautiful but still very attractive. Usually they're non conventional beauties.

The last time I was concerned with being 'beautiful' I was 4 or 5 and had read too many fairy tales.

I'm afraid your post suggests either vanity or insecurity - and your priorities and values being all wrong.

What's the MN phrase? Oh yes, .. in the nicest possible way:

grow up

I understand OP.

When I was 8 I asked my Dad if I was pretty. He said no, you are attractive but not pretty. I had no concept of attractiveness at that age. Very damaging.
To me attractive is way down the scale.

YABU, and sound like hard work.

Is beautiful a word he uses to describe anything or anyone else?

Are you beautiful?

Has he called you shallow, as by your own admission you are?

YABVU to be upset by this, after four years it is surprising you even care about this type of thing.

He could be using the words interchangeable of course, or maybe he doesn’t think you are beautiful. Nothing wrong with not being beautiful I hasten to add, most of us aren’t. I tend to reserve the word beautiful for a very few exceptionally aesthetically pleasing people and maybe he does too.

They're both subjective words. His version of attractive might be your version of beautiful. Or he just might prefer one word over the other.
Either way there are bigger things to worry about, surely.

Actions speak better than words. I’m not ‘beautiful’ but my partner loves me and shows it in so many ways. I don’t care how he describes me tbh. We have a great relationship and that’s all i need.

Would you prefer being called “beautiful to him”? Because beauty is subjective IMO.

You cannot be serious.

Gordon Bennett. Is this actually real? I'm finding it hard to believe that anyone could think like this.

Seriously if this is your worst problem, OP, can I please have your life?

With all that’s going on ...this is your main issue ..
YAVU

An ex of mine (nice but tendency to put his foot in it) said women are either pretty or hot... and you're hot.

At the time (early 20s) I was upset but now I look back a decade on and think although his labelling of women in one of two camps is offensive, if I had to be one or the other hot is good with me!

He explained he worded it badly but to him hot was a whole person and I'm funny, opinionated, passionate about stuff. Your other half is using attractive to describe you as a whole person IMO.

You're overthinking, don't let it spoil your perception of how he sees you.

Words have different connotations for different people. Some people have a more limited vocabulary, perhaps they don't read as much, and what they say might not capture their feelings precisely. Ask him how he would describe Angelina Jolie. He might very well say attractive!

(He's not an electrical engineer is he? Reaching for the words 'attractive' or 'repulsive' might make sense if so!)

I do remember a flatmate telling me that I wasn't classically beautiful and it stung, even though I don't regard myself as vain (or beautiful). So you have my sympathy.

If your DP were a writer for Mills and Boon, he would probably be able to come up with the right words to persuade you of what's in his heart. But since he probably isn't, actions speak louder than words, don't they?

Yes YABU.

HTH.

I think beautiful is a word used to describe a baby or child. There’s not many grown women who could be described as beautiful. You’ve been called attractive just take the compliment and move on

Maybe you’re not beautiful.

You surely cannot mean that having James Blunt there caterwauling at you would be preferable.

@Pringlemonster

I’ve been married 25 years ,he’s never told me I’m beautiful. told me he loves me , But actually can’t even remember him saying I’m attractive either .

Right that’s it going to LTB

😂😂 same here

This is a bit like 'Oh no! My purse isn't big enough to fit all my money in, poor me!'