To be upset my DP tells me I'm attractive and not beautiful

[attractivenotbeautiful]

DP and I have been together for 4 years. After our very first date, he text me to say he had a great time and told me that I'm very attractive. He is lovely, compliments me regularly and jokes that he is punching above his weight because I am more attractive than him. However, he has never told me I am beautiful. :( AIBU to be upset about this? Beautiful seems more personal and affectionate, "attractive" I think is quite vague. Yes, I am aware this is quite a shallow post. I just want my boyfriend to tell me he thinks I am beautiful instead of "attractive".

You could always try the Golden Ratio Face app (or similar) to quantify your attractiveness 'objectively' if you are feeling brave!

But maybe you should just talk to your DP about how you are feeling. I doubt he is consciously withholding the highest accolade of 'beautiful' because he doesn't think you merit it. He just hasn't used that one particular word when complimenting you and would probably be horrified if he knew you were fretting over it.

This reminds me of a boyfriend (v "county set") I had when young. I was blow-drying my hair one morning and he said "you look just like an Irish setter I saw at crufts last year." When I pulled a face in response, he added hastily, "it won a prize."

Count yourself lucky, OP.

DH has only ever said "you look nice" I think. I don't think I've ever said you look handsome, only that he looks really good - we surivived (25 yrs married so far).

He would however get up at 2.00am to pick me up from somewhere if I needed, he would look after me and DD if I was ill (and has done). He helped me look after my parents when they were alive, often at difficult times. He offered and has driven for 3 hours to get me from somewhere because the train journey involved 5 different trains and 2 buses without complaint. He welcome my friend into our home to live with us for 6 months. He has never let me down once.

That to me is far more important than any words he may or may not say.

I'm told I'm beautiful by DP.

It's because in reality I look like a slowly melting bag of spanners in a furnace, but he still loves me.

@CaraDuneRedux

This reminds me of a boyfriend (v "county set") I had when young. I was blow-drying my hair one morning and he said "you look just like an Irish setter I saw at crufts last year." When I pulled a face in response, he added hastily, "it won a prize."

Count yourself lucky, OP.

Love this. Its so innocent and honest. Lol

Id take it over beautiful tbh, much more original. Not just lip service.

Made me smile.

By all means, tell him how his choice of words hurt you and make him responsible for your feelings.
Make sure to tell him he can only be honest when he says what you want to hear. But don't complain when he stops saying anything nice to avoid the drama.
Oh, and don't complain when he stops taking you seriously as an adult (I'd be disappointed if my DD turned out to act like a fluffy headed stereotype.)

Surely attractive is better as it implies a whole package, inside and out. To me beauty is a surface attribute. Brides are beautiful as they have on a big fancy frock, have their hair immaculately coiffed and professional make up done, but apart from possibly an inner radiance, most of it is artifice. I would rather be attractive than beautiful.

@Porridgeoat

I think you’re being silly. Beauty is all in the eye of the beholder. He finds you attractive. The two are the same thing

Exactly nothing more to it.

you know yabvu, don't you ?

What about committing yourself to the James Blunt esteem-boosting regime, OP? Every morning you listen to him singing ‘You’re beautiful’ as you regard your reflection in the mirror.

It could go one of two ways eventually.

1. DP says ‘You’re attractive’. Then you, with a new-found cool confidence, say:

‘Actually, no, not attractive, beautiful - as you would realise if you saw my face in a crowded place.’

2. Dp says ‘You’re beautiful’ out of the blue and you scream at him,

‘I…DON’T….EVER….WANT…TO…HEAR….THOSE…WORDS….AGAIN!!!’

Well you are getting compliments so whats the deal? Most women are attractive ,but few of us look like Jennifer Lawrence or Julia Roberts do we! He sounds kind and truthful .Lots of men tell their wives they are "beautiful" and then disappear to shag someone else!

Do we have a troll in our midst?

I think that after 4 years you should now whether or not he loves and respects you and that should be enough . I wouldn't expect my DP to call me beautiful unless I actually was but I would like( but actually don't get) to be complimented when it was deserved with sincerity.

@CaraDuneRedux I actually love that! I often see dogs and wish my hair was the colour of their fur 😂😳

It’s quite a sweet innocent comment, much better than ‘you’re beautiful’ imo 😄

Jeez if this is all you have to worry about be fucking grateful.

OP some people prefer different words, he is being extremely complimentary of you, stop looking for problems where there are none!
He probably finds saying "beautiful" cheesy. My DH would never tell me I'm beautiful, he tells me I'm good looking instead. As far as I'm concerned they mean pretty much the same thing.

Are you beautiful?

I’m not. I’d laugh a bit if my husband said that I think. It’d be a reaaaaaaaal stretch.

Have you asked him?

I would take beautiful to be something that you could say to a partner or in like an innocent way “ look at that beautiful child” but attractive to be more like “ va va vroom you look very attractive”. I think you should be pleased.

I think you need to grow up

Surely being attractive is better than beautiful?

Yes to this!

OP when I was young I was often called beautiful - stopped in the street, artists wanting to paint me, etc etc!! To me this is an aesthetic word and in the context of a relationship, attractive seems more meaningful

I don't think DH calls me beautiful, but I'm fine because as a PP said, I'm not. I'm pretty and smiley and have a nice face but not what I think of as beautiful. In fact I have realised I don't think many people are beautiful but I do think most people have nice faces. I think YABU if your partner is generally conplimentary.

Do you want to post a photo so that we can decide if you’re attractive or beautiful? If not, YABU

Re. Crufts yes it was absolutely, 100% meant as a compliment and delivered with genuine affection

(The hair colour was out of a packet ).

I blame sm. Person A posts a picture of themselves dressed up for a night out. Cue barrage of 'beautiful' 'stunning ' 'gorjus hun'. When 'sparkly' or 'pretty' or 'hot' or even 'lovely' would work better.

I've never been called beautiful. I am not. Handsome actually works well for me. Especially as it used to be an adjective applied to women.