To be upset my DP tells me I'm attractive and not beautiful

[attractivenotbeautiful]

DP and I have been together for 4 years. After our very first date, he text me to say he had a great time and told me that I'm very attractive. He is lovely, compliments me regularly and jokes that he is punching above his weight because I am more attractive than him. However, he has never told me I am beautiful. :( AIBU to be upset about this? Beautiful seems more personal and affectionate, "attractive" I think is quite vague. Yes, I am aware this is quite a shallow post. I just want my boyfriend to tell me he thinks I am beautiful instead of "attractive".

I had an ex who called me beautiful all the time. Actually wrote odes to my beauty. Didn't stop him from being a misogynistic, abusive arsehole.

He seemed to think his gaudy compliments made him a good bf. He wasn't.
Appreciate what you have.

Tell him how much this matters to you. My ex never told me I looked beautiful, it got to me after a while. Talk to him, explain why you need to hear it from time to time. My husband tells me I’m beautiful a lot and i think most women need to hear this from their man. It doesn’t matter whether it’s true or not, a husband and wife should encourage each other and appreciate each other.
Talk it through, maybe he has some good reasons. For my ex his dad used to say his mum was beautiful and then hit her ... so in his head it was a meaningless gesture. It helped to understand this.

Dear, sweet Baby Jesus...

What an inane post. Why is being beautiful more desirable to you? Because it implies you’re untouchable and standing on a pedestal?

In my experience the men who are all 'moonlight and roses' with you are more likely to be all 'moonlight and roses' with another woman pretty soon ...

Better to go for someone low-key and sincere than a schmoozer.

I think YABU sorry - if he is still actively complimenting your appearance after four years that’s good I would think?! My DH after 14 years will say things like ‘ooh you look nice!’ if I get dressed to go somewhere or he often says ‘you look amazing’ when I’m naked which I think is him trying to be sweet after I’ve had two kiddies 😂
I can’t think of him having said the word ‘beautiful’ (certainly not in recent times) but it wouldn’t ever have occurred to me. Sounds like you’re trying to find offence where there is none (although you are not alone in that venture in today’s world!!).

In my opinion, extremely few people - male or female - are truly beautiful. Lots are sexy, handsome, pretty, good-looking, hot, fit etc, but real beauty is rare. Is your husband what you would objectively describe as an Adonis type? I'm guessing not. So why would you demand that he consider you 'beautiful'? Being attractive is fine.

I just want my boyfriend to tell me he thinks I am beautiful instead of "attractive"

Are you for real?

Maybe you should read some other threads on here and see what real problems are. Try the Relationships board or the SEN boards.

With respect and kindness, this is silly. Its just a word. You cant police the words that other people use, or even the nuances of what they mean by the exact words they use (unless you perform a lobotomy and get inside their head). What is it about yourself that makes you feel less beautiful in yourself, dependant on the specific word he uses? Why does it bug you so much? Maybe in his mind attractive means desirable, lovely, worthy of being loved? If you become so needy and insecure based on the use of one word, then you will always be off balance because language is subjective and people use words differently. To my mind, beautiful has become so over used that its lost its meaning ..... eeeeeverythings beautiful, gawjus etc etc. As long as he makes you feel valued and wanted, then does it matter what exact word he uses? Try to look a little behind the superficial or obvious, you will feel so much better.

@LittleTiger007
Tell him how much this matters to you. My ex never told me I looked beautiful, it got to me after a while. Talk to him, explain why you need to hear it from time to time. My husband tells me I’m beautiful a lot and i think most women need to hear this from their man. It doesn’t matter whether it’s true or not, a husband and wife should encourage each other and appreciate each other.
Talk it through, maybe he has some good reasons. For my ex his dad used to say his mum was beautiful and then hit her ... so in his head it was a meaningless gesture. It helped to understand this.

I would be very wary to follow this advice- I am happy it worked for Tiger ( although maybe partly as I assume she also had the discussion with her Ex as well as her DH).
Honestly if my DH came up to me complaining that I didn't call him handsome - even though I had said ' he was attractive, compliments me regularly and jokes that he is punching above his weight' I would really lose a lot of respect for him and not only would I stop giving him compliments, I would stop wanting to.
Being attractive means a lot of things - good looking, funny, etc. It means he wants to be with you for loads of reasons.
You sound ridiculous, needy and hard work and that is neither beautiful or attractive!

You do know that what is on the outside is actually just meat?

I'm not saying looks are not important but in a ltr what matters is what is inside.
Would you leave your partner if he had an accident which dramatically changed his appearance?
YABVU and sound a bit immature.

is this a goady post?

so you're offended because your boyfriend has told you your very attractive and that hes punching but because he has not specifically called you beautiful you're upset?

you poor thing.

@Bitbusyattheminute My parents told me I was "handsome " when I was a teenager. I cried. They then compounded their error by telling me I looked like Angelica Houston.

I'd be delighted with that compliment now, but at the time, I just wanted to be told I was pretty. Even though I really wasn't.

I have grown up somewhat in the thirty years since.

I've never been called beautiful. I am not. Handsome actually works well for me. Especially as it used to be an adjective applied to women.

Me too.

@Thedogscollar

Your OP reflects the person you are which imo is neither attractive or beautiful. You sound shallow, immature and a bit dense.

Lovely, thanks. :(

I'd be highly suspicious of anyone who called me beautiful. Or attractive for that matter .....

Get a grip. A lot of people like me ( plain) have never been called attractive or beautiful.
I have a dh who loves me for being me.

attractivenotbeautiful, has anyone ever told you that you were beautiful in the past? What did you think when you looked in the mirror pre-DP?

Maybe the root of the problem comes from your feelings about your level of attractiveness before you even met DP.

Married 32 years and never been called beautiful or attractive. In fact he's actually said he wasn't attracted by my looks 😂
Depends what you're after in a relationship I guess

Potato potato... if my dj was upset at me for something like this , uh don’t think our relationship would be very fun..
Not to be mean/harsh, genuinely asking, are u OK... it’s a strange thing to fixate on..

YABU.

I don't think I use the word beautiful so much myself.

I tend to say someone is good looking, pretty or attractive.

Can I ask what words you use to complement him?

Don't lose any sleep over it.

My DH tells me I am beautiful, but I am not by any measure even particularly attractive! Just make the most of it. Some women never get compliments from their men at all.

I don’t think you’re being shallow or petty to wonder why your partner of several years has not used one of the most common compliments you can give a partner.

BUT perhaps he doesn’t like that particular word, perhaps it gives him the cringe or he feels embarrassed using it because it’s quite gushy and emotional. There are some words I use which my partner doesn’t, he calls me “dear” which is strange because we are quite young but from him it’s very affectionate whereas when I’ve called him it I’ve felt a bit daft - likewise I use the word babe quite a lot and I’ve never heard him say it. (Yeah I know babe is cringe but it’s common where I’m from)

So in summary no you’re not being daft in wanting to feel secure that your partner thinks you’re beautiful - but the only thing you can do is ask him or say it outright “aww I’d love it if you said I was beautiful once in a while”

[quote Whererainfalls]@Bitbusyattheminute My parents told me I was "handsome " when I was a teenager. I cried. They then compounded their error by telling me I looked like Angelica Houston.

I'd be delighted with that compliment now, but at the time, I just wanted to be told I was pretty. Even though I really wasn't.

I have grown up somewhat in the thirty years since. [/quote]

And 'handsome' actually ages much better as it usually applies to high cheekbones and defined jawline where a 'pretty' face can go all south..