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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that children don’t need their own room?

265 replies

BedroomDrama · 25/10/2020 15:24

If they are the same sex and don’t have a massive age gap?

My boyfriend and I are in the process of trying to buy a house at the moment. He has 2 daughters who are 6 and 11 who he has 50% of the time. They currently share a bedroom when they’re with us, but have their own room at their mum’s house. With most of the main mortgage lenders upping their requirement to a 15% deposit minimum, a 3 bedroom property in one of the areas that we’d like to live in (and is practical for work, their school and not being too far from their mum) just isn’t feasible at the moment. It might be in a couple of years, but not now.

I really don’t think it’s that much of an issue for siblings to share a room though. I get that it’s nicer not to have to share, but I imagine that having your own room used to be the exception rather than the rule? My dad is one of 4 (2 boys and 2 girls) and they grew up in a 3 bedroom house so had to share until they moved out. My grandma was one of 9 and she certainly never had her own room! I had to share with my younger sister for 2 or 3 years and managed to survive the experience, it just doesn’t seem like that much of an issue.

A couple of people have just assumed that we’ll only be considering 3 bedroom properties though, and have said things like “Ohhh, well, X will need her own bedroom soon” and it’s made me feel a bit guilty that we’re expecting them to share. Even the vendor of one of the properties that we looked at seemed surprised that we were considering it as it only had 2 bedrooms. The girls don’t seem to mind at the moment (younger one loves sharing, the older one would probably ideally like her own room but is happy enough sharing) and I really don’t think any child needs their own room in the circumstances that I’ve described.

I can’t be the only one? Their dad agrees with me (in fact he’s less worried about it than I am) and I’m not sure we’ve really got another option, but it would make me feel better to be told we’re not being unreasonable!

OP posts:
peachypetite · 25/10/2020 15:28

Five years is a big gap to be sharing a bedroom but if you can’t afford a bigger house what can you do.

unknownscot · 25/10/2020 15:29

In my opinion, I think coming up for teenage years she needs her own room.
It's different when they are both the age they are just now.
X

ANoTail · 25/10/2020 15:30

I certainly never had my own one. I shared with my three sisters (and my nephew, born when I was 14) until I left home. We did put up curtain dividers when we were teenagers, though.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 25/10/2020 15:30

They aren't close in age though are they? 5 years is a massive gap when one is a teen and one is still under 10.

Givemeabreak88 · 25/10/2020 15:30

In a council house they wouldn’t be entitled to their own room till 16 and even then it’s not a given

Panicsettingin · 25/10/2020 15:32

I had to share a bedroom & there was only 3 years between us, it was hell at times and we were very glad to get our own rooms when I was 13.
I can’t imagine the older one will be so thrilled to share when age 14/15/16 but you are right, no one needs their own bedroom, it would just be nice. At least they still have their own rooms to go back to the rest of the time so they will actually get space apart. Don’t worry about what anyone else thinks, they really will be fine sharing.

Lowprofilename · 25/10/2020 15:33

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for privacy reasons.

nimbuscloud · 25/10/2020 15:33

I think you’d need to consider what might happen if you have a baby? Is that likely to be on the cards? If so then 3rd bedroom would be useful. If not then you can make do with two.

HelloDulling · 25/10/2020 15:34

Need? No.

Are you planning to have kids?

happytoday73 · 25/10/2020 15:34

You shared as a teenager?

I really don't see an issue with under 10s sharing ...
teenagers.... Well I wouldn't want to share with one and as a teenager I would have desperately wanted my own space for homework, catching up with friends. Dealing with periods and hormones on my own

Yes in previous times children were regularly packed into bedrooms... Doesn't mean it was great.
But on that theory you don't NEED to get double glazing or central heating because your grandparents didn't have it when they were kids.
Not absolutely necessary but preferably if you can as with you 50%

Original poster
BedroomDrama · 25/10/2020 15:34

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

They aren't close in age though are they? 5 years is a massive gap when one is a teen and one is still under 10.
I take your point, but I meant more that I wouldn’t expect an older child to share with a baby or a toddler who didn’t sleep through the night. The age gap between me and my sister is 6.5 years, and we shared from when I was about 12-14, I reckon. It wasn’t ideal, but we managed!
OP posts:
flaviaritt · 25/10/2020 15:34

If it can’t be done, it can’t be done. It’s a preference, not a need.

KatherineJaneway · 25/10/2020 15:35

Personally, with their age gap they should have their own rooms.

ivykaty44 · 25/10/2020 15:35

Sharing space to sleep is fine. how will the girls sleep? in bunks or twin singles?

NannyR · 25/10/2020 15:35

I had to share with my sister with a similar age gap and I hated it as a teen. Not having my own space to personalise and make my own, having sleepovers or just hanging out with friends was difficult but the main thing was not having somewhere quiet and private where I could study and revise.

picklecustard · 25/10/2020 15:36

I don’t see an issue with it. Ideally they’d have their room but I know plenty of families where siblings share. My nieces are 7 and just turned 13 and have always shared a bedroom.

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 25/10/2020 15:36

If I'm reading correctly they don't live with you full time either? So really they're only sharing half the week. I think they'll live. In an ideal world, yes they would have their own room but life atm is far from ideal.

SimonJT · 25/10/2020 15:37

It isn’t a need, but I do think its better, five years is also a big age gap. Imagine being 15 and sharing with a ten year old.

Have you seen any propteries where the larger bedroom could be turned into two smaller ones? We live in a two bed flat, it is however very generous so come November my sons room is being split into two, this will give us two rooms that are still big enough to have a double bed, wardrobe and drawers/desk.

RippleEffects · 25/10/2020 15:37

I don't think its essential but I have a five year gap between my younger two and I think it has a big advantage for them to have personal space.

Mine are boy now 14 and girl 9 so do have seperate rooms.

At 6 and 11 DS was still very young emotionally and they played together a lot. At 14 DS is going through a teen phase and DD is going through an interesting tween phase. They're not currently as compatible.

Another thing to consider is your own personal space. If the younger goes up to bed earlier, do you really want the older child to be constantly in your company because they can't disturb the younger and don't want to go to sleep at the same time as they get older.

I love my DC but love to have some lounge time without them.

Denny53 · 25/10/2020 15:37

I think that if they have their own rooms with mum then what’s the problem that they share 50% of the time at yours?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 25/10/2020 15:38

Could you look at properties which may give the potential to extend in a couple of years? Into loft or over a garage etc?

EmpressJKRowlingSpartacus · 25/10/2020 15:38

What happens if the older one needs peace & quiet to study, has friends round or just wants to retreat to her own space, and the younger one is in bed?

Original poster
BedroomDrama · 25/10/2020 15:38

@Lowprofilename

I'd consider giving them the bigger bedroom, but if you can't afford a 3 bed, you can't afford it. I'd also try and make sure there's a decent place to put a desk (possibly in your room?) so the older one can have space to do homework etc, without her little sister disturbing her.
Oh yes, that would definitely be in place! And if either of them wanted a sleepover or something, then they could have our room and we would sleep in the living room.

It’s not a long term thing, but we would really like to buy somewhere soon. My cousin bought a house in February with a 5% deposit, around £10k. We’d need a £30k deposit to buy that same house now!

OP posts:
BefuddledPerson · 25/10/2020 15:38

Some of mine shared, with similar age gap. It was absolutely fine, they liked it.

There are benefits to sharing too. Modern lives can be quite remote and lonely.

Also our expectations are modern and globally uncommon.

Two sisters or two brothers happily sharing in a decent home is not four in a bed in a millworkers cottage!

GetOffYourHighHorse · 25/10/2020 15:39

If you cant afford it you can't afford it, but at that age ideally they should hsve their in room. The 11 year old I presume won't go to bed at the time as the 6yr old for starters. Then there's 6yr olds toys and clutter etc compared to a soon to be teens make up etc.

Maybe get a partition or something?