To think that children don’t need their own room?

[BedroomDrama]

If they are the same sex and don’t have a massive age gap?

My boyfriend and I are in the process of trying to buy a house at the moment. He has 2 daughters who are 6 and 11 who he has 50% of the time. They currently share a bedroom when they’re with us, but have their own room at their mum’s house. With most of the main mortgage lenders upping their requirement to a 15% deposit minimum, a 3 bedroom property in one of the areas that we’d like to live in (and is practical for work, their school and not being too far from their mum) just isn’t feasible at the moment. It might be in a couple of years, but not now.

I really don’t think it’s that much of an issue for siblings to share a room though. I get that it’s nicer not to have to share, but I imagine that having your own room used to be the exception rather than the rule? My dad is one of 4 (2 boys and 2 girls) and they grew up in a 3 bedroom house so had to share until they moved out. My grandma was one of 9 and she certainly never had her own room! I had to share with my younger sister for 2 or 3 years and managed to survive the experience, it just doesn’t seem like that much of an issue.

A couple of people have just assumed that we’ll only be considering 3 bedroom properties though, and have said things like “Ohhh, well, X will need her own bedroom soon” and it’s made me feel a bit guilty that we’re expecting them to share. Even the vendor of one of the properties that we looked at seemed surprised that we were considering it as it only had 2 bedrooms. The girls don’t seem to mind at the moment (younger one loves sharing, the older one would probably ideally like her own room but is happy enough sharing) and I really don’t think any child needs their own room in the circumstances that I’ve described.

I can’t be the only one? Their dad agrees with me (in fact he’s less worried about it than I am) and I’m not sure we’ve really got another option, but it would make me feel better to be told we’re not being unreasonable!

I agree with you, I shared with 2 sisters, I'm 27 now so it's not even like it was that long ago, but most on here will disagree. Space is nice but sometimes people forget affordability is such a huge thing.

Oh and 1 was 5 years older, 1 was 7 years younger.

Whilst everyone 'needs' a roof over their heads not everyone 'needs' space to themselves although obviously having the option would be nice. But if you can't afford a 3 bed then you can't, it's that simple.

No one had rooms of their own when I was a child, people tended to have much larger families back then. I am one of 6 and we all slept in the same bed (topped and tailed) until I was around 8 (I'm the second oldest) and parents had a double bed which filled the whole of the other small bedroom. Next door the family had 13 children in a 3 bed semi.

We were taken into care when I was 10 where there were 6 unrelated children of varying gender and ages sharing each bedroom.

When I went to London age 17 I lived in the YWCA and shared a room with 3 complete strangers.

My children have never had to share a room but plenty of their friends do/did. None of them appear traumatised by it. It's a ridiculous assumption that you are going to cause your children harm simply because they have to share a bedroom. Millions of families across the world cope perfectly well with it.

Right now not an issue, but it depends how long it is for. In a year or two it will definitely be an issue for the older daughter. I think you and your partner need to think about what will happen if the girls continue to share at your house and have their own room at their mums house. In my experience the eldest will vote with her feet and start to want to spend more time at her mums so that she has her own space. If their dad is ok with that then fine, but I imagine he would like the 50/50 shared care to continue and so I think you need to consider how in the not too distant future you can accommodate that.

5 years is a massive age difference. You need to consider where the older girl is going to be able to do her homework / study when she goes to high school / preps for gcse exams.

When I was a young mother, I lived in Samoa for a brief while, and I would walk with a Korean friend, our babies in the strollers accompanying us. One day, she looked at me and said, "Why are you Americans so cruel? You make your babies sleep alone!" It's all cultural.

I have a family member and her teens share a room age 14 and 18. They moan about it sometimes but there is no other option, generally get on well.

When one has a sleepover which has not happened this year, that teen will either decamp to the lounge with their friends or the other teen will share with the younger kids for a night.

Of course children do not need their own room. It's nice if they can have it but it is not essential.

I shared a room with my 2 sisters until I left home at 22. There was 18 months between me and my middle sister and 6 years between me and my youngest sister.

We lived in a council house and the council did not see that we needed a bigger house.

We all just accepted it, there was no moaning about it

Meant to say also that lots of my neighbours have children sharing. We all live in 3 bed houses and the majority of them have 3 or 4 children.

Next door have a 20 year old who has his own room and a 16 year old and 11 year old sharing. The other side have a 3 year old and 8 year old sharing and a 12 year old and 15 year old sharing.

Neighbours across the road have two sons aged 24 and 27 sharing a room and their sister (22) has her own room.

There are many other neighbours with children sharing

If you have no choice it’s different. You do have a choice to move somewhere less convenient or continue renting. I’d look for a 3 bed in a worse/further area or needs modernising or whatever. I suspect the older one particularly might want to stay at her mums otherwise when she gets older. I think primary school kids enjoy sharing, teenagers don’t especially with bigger age gaps.

My parents have a two bedroom house and I shared a room with my younger brother until I moved out at 19! (He’s 4.5 yrs younger than me).

Mom split the room with wardrobes/chest of drawers etc but no proper petition. If we were able to manage, I’m sure two girls can manage fine when they’re not even there all week.

A good friend of mine was in the same position. Her parents managed to put a glass petition door to separate the room for them, but essentially it was still a shared room between her and her younger brother and a 4 year age difference.

Wasn’t ideal and we both hated it, but we managed. If you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. You can only do what you can do x

If you're only planning to live at the new property 2-3 years than 2 bedrooms would be OK. But just as a reality check I walked in on my 13 year old neighbour having sex in her bedroom when I was 8, and was pretty traumatised for years from the experience, so this is the sort of thing the youngest may be facing a couple years from now. I would do whatever I could to get another bedroom. Not least because you may wish to have kids of your own at some point and then what?

5 year gap here and we shared a small box room. No big deal but we did hate each other when she was a bratty rule breaking teen and I was the grass her up youngest!! Lol

My nephews aged 14 and 17 share a room. Never been an issue. Both lovely, well rounded kids. I think the obsession with own rooms is nonsense really.

I shared with my sisters until my late teens, never caused any problems.

Of course it’s fine. My dds shared with a 6 year age gap for 8 years. Dd managed to do her homework and pass her exams with zero drama. The youngest one was just with us during her study time.
Don’t overthink it. Kids all over the country share!

My two DDs shared room with a four year age gap.
Having a smaller house enabled us to afford boarding school which they both enjoyed but I do think that DD1 would have preferred having her own room as a teenager.
They chose to share when they were younger and to have a 'kids' sitting room/playroom (they have a brother sandwiched between them age wise)
As it turned out, they didn't get their own rooms until they were 19 and 15 respectively by which time DD1 was at uni.
So I don't think it's a necessity, certainly not at the ages the girls are now but possibly preferable in three or four years if you can manage it.
I shared with my sister until she moved out to get married at the age of 23 and I am nine years her junior!
She got a room of her own until she was nine, I got a room to myself from the age of 14. Personally I think I got the better deal.

I would caution against buying a small house with the intention to move quickly.
We did it, ended up squashed in the 3 bedroom years longer than we wanted.

It cost £6k in fees to move. Legal fees and estate agent mainly. That 6k could be better saved and put towards the deposit for the 3 bed Imo. That’s what I wish I had done!

I think for many reasons you should try to stretch to the three bed now. Moving is very expensive as several posters have pointed out. Buying now and then moving in a couple of years will “waste” lots of money - especially so because of the current stamp duty window which I haven’t seen anybody mention. You can buy now (up to 500k) without giving money to the government - any purchase in 2 or 3 years will have all the moving costs and likely around 10k stamp duty.

My two boys have a similar age gap, and are chalk and cheese personality wise. They would not have been happy bedroom sharing. In fact there was a short time when I shared with ds2 so that Ds1 could have his own space. The other thing to consider is, if they have their own room at mum’s, are they less likely to want visit where they have to share?

Surely it’s about what you can afford plus the area etc that comes first and everyone has to fit in untill the time comes when you can comfortably afford the house you want. Children are so spoilt nowadays. They get time on their own when at their mothers. Do not let this worry you anymore.

I never made mine share; they chose to share bunk beds for a short while but with a 5 year age gap they wanted space within a fairly short time.

It’s difficult, but if all your budget stretches to is a two bed, you buy a two bed and they share. It’s do-able, just include the DC is you can when you’re looking so that they feel like it’s their home too.

No problem
We had two bed
Parents one room
4 brothers 'big' room (span 16 Yr difference between youngest n oldest-I was youngest 8)

Still happens now 2 sharing or 3
More not so much though an ex neighbour had 3 bed and 7 kids

I am in private rented with 4 kids. My 2 girls aged 18 and 11 share and my boys aged 15 and 13 also share, they have the box room and are in bunk beds. If my bed would have fitted into the box room (it is only a standard double nothing massive) then I would have had that, as I did in our previous owned house. My eldest managed to study for her GCSE's and A levels at her desk in the shared room, had sleepovers downstairs and didn't wake her sister when she went to bed.
From experience, I can't see the problem, especially if they have separate rooms at their mums.
If I was in local authority rented I would be entitled to a 4 bed because one of the kids is over 16.

I don’t get all these people saying it’s unfair. Talk about first world problems or what! I see no problem with children sharing a room. I don’t think the age gap is relevant because it’s two girls. As long as they both have their own beds and a place to do their schoolwork.

6 and 11 is a huge gap! That's nearly double the age. Yes, children should have their own rooms in a long term living situation. They need their privacy and it helps them develop the concept of boundaries etc. What happens when they get older and want friends and boyfriends over?