To think that children don’t need their own room?

[BedroomDrama]

If they are the same sex and don’t have a massive age gap?

My boyfriend and I are in the process of trying to buy a house at the moment. He has 2 daughters who are 6 and 11 who he has 50% of the time. They currently share a bedroom when they’re with us, but have their own room at their mum’s house. With most of the main mortgage lenders upping their requirement to a 15% deposit minimum, a 3 bedroom property in one of the areas that we’d like to live in (and is practical for work, their school and not being too far from their mum) just isn’t feasible at the moment. It might be in a couple of years, but not now.

I really don’t think it’s that much of an issue for siblings to share a room though. I get that it’s nicer not to have to share, but I imagine that having your own room used to be the exception rather than the rule? My dad is one of 4 (2 boys and 2 girls) and they grew up in a 3 bedroom house so had to share until they moved out. My grandma was one of 9 and she certainly never had her own room! I had to share with my younger sister for 2 or 3 years and managed to survive the experience, it just doesn’t seem like that much of an issue.

A couple of people have just assumed that we’ll only be considering 3 bedroom properties though, and have said things like “Ohhh, well, X will need her own bedroom soon” and it’s made me feel a bit guilty that we’re expecting them to share. Even the vendor of one of the properties that we looked at seemed surprised that we were considering it as it only had 2 bedrooms. The girls don’t seem to mind at the moment (younger one loves sharing, the older one would probably ideally like her own room but is happy enough sharing) and I really don’t think any child needs their own room in the circumstances that I’ve described.

I can’t be the only one? Their dad agrees with me (in fact he’s less worried about it than I am) and I’m not sure we’ve really got another option, but it would make me feel better to be told we’re not being unreasonable!

I am one of four siblings and we shared rooms. But I think we would all have preferred our own room. If I were one of two siblings I would certainly hope my parents bought a house that could accommodate a room each.

The age gap is quite big between these two and I think the older one in particular might start preferring to spend more time at her mothers if she has to share at yours. I would exhaust all the options (e.g different areas) before settling on a two be.

My sister made a room downstairs into a bedroom. If you find a house with big kitchen, room to eat and small dining room it's a possibility. Or make into study for homework.

I shared my bedroom with three other sisters.
But if you have a little boy too, it will seem unfair that he get his own room and you don't. My older brother always got his own room. Then he moved out couple years after little brother was born. So my little brother got his own room too and I still had to share my little sister.
If you can afford it, I think you should go ahead and get the three bedroom, but that is my opinion

@Blueberries0112

I shared my bedroom with three other sisters. But if you have a little boy too, it will seem unfair that he get his own room and you don't. My older brother always got his own room. Then he moved out couple years after little brother was born. So my little brother got his own room too and I still had to share my little sister. If you can afford it, I think you should go ahead and get the three bedroom, but that is my opinion

That’s how it goes in all households you can’t expect a boy to share with girls. My brother had his own room too. 3rd bedroom is usually smaller than the rest anyway.

It will definitely be a drama when they are older and the teenager is going out and potentially having a later bedtime. But they are only there half of the time and if you can’t afford it, what else can you do?

I shared with my younger brother until I was 13! 2 bed council house. Eventually my Dad built a partition wall between us!

I think it'll be a great situation. Share at dad's, own room at mum's. It'll make them appreciate their own space at mum's but (hopefully) be close due to sharing at dad's. I can't see any down side at all to that, just advantages & important life lessons.

Definitely better to buy than carry on renting so you do what you can. If it a 2 bed is your budget then go for it and try to stop worrying about everyone else’s opinion when none of you that are involved are concerned about it. Good luck OP!

@MiddleClassMother

6 and 11 is a huge gap! That's nearly double the age. Yes, children should have their own rooms in a long term living situation. They need their privacy and it helps them develop the concept of boundaries etc. What happens when they get older and want friends and boyfriends over?

Oh don't be so ridiculous. Children with much larger age gaps share rooms and it does them no harm whatsoever.

No wonder so many young people are such snowflakes when their parents think they should not even share a room.

I shared with 2 sisters and we were fine. We would never even have thought to take a boyfriend to our bedroom! What's wrong with sitting with them downstairs?

My husband has a 6 year gap between him and his little brother. They always shared a room till he moved out for uni at 18. They loved sharing a room and shared from when his little brother was old enough to sleep in a single bed. Its not an issue. I have 2 boys with a 14 month age gap and a 3 bedroom house and have no intentions of giving them their own room. 2 of my friends who are sisters shared their bed rooms till they were in their mid twenties. Its not a big deal dont over think it because they have their own room.at mums. Also dont feel like you have to buy a more expensive house to accommodate this. Children are waaaaaayyyy entitled these days and my two are lovely well behaved boys ( yes they have their kick offs as children do )but my god they are spoiled lol x

@lynsey91 totally agree with you

Boyfriend in the bedroom, HELLO!

Tricky 1. No one needs their own room but I can understand it being tricky when they need to sleep at different times.

seperate rooms is a huge luxury! I have a boy and girl, big gap but they have to share as we have no choice. I also know families where multiple kids of mixed gender have lived togther in 1 room until uni and been lovely caring and considerate people because of always sharing. and yes all in the UK.

Outside of the UK seperate rooms isnt that common other than in places like America and even then - it's an economical privelidge.

Your children have the same age gap as me and my sister and we shared a room until I moved out when I was 23. It was awful for both of us and I think seriously impacted our relationship; we were never close when I lived at home and we get on a lot better now that we aren't on top of each other all the time. We both get on a lot better with our brother as we didn't have to share with him lol. Sharing a room meant that we were always on top of each other and had no where to go to retreat when we were getting on each other's nerves.
However, as others have said I think teenage years are where it started to have an impact. My sister went through a phase of needing the light on (or hall light with door open) to sleep, which meant I couldn't. I woke her up by accident when my bedtime was later or I was told to go to bed earlier to stop that from happening. I couldn't watch more mature TV (as in 12+) unless my sister wasn't going to come into the room (ended up not being allowed to watch Buffy in the end because she caught sight of something that freaked her out). All completely understandable rules as my sister was the younger one, and I'd probably do the same thing myself if I was in my parents shoes, but it meant I felt a bit stifled. We were in a bigger bedroom, but because we were sharing, I didn't have a desk for my homework (super inconvenient while at uni as I lived at home). We have very very different tastes on how we wanted the room decorated (she wanted pink, I wanted blue - parents split the difference and went with purple). When she was older, I didn't like the bands she did and didn't like looking at their posters every day. When she got grounded and sent to her room, I had to leave the room or sit in there with her sulking so it was like a punishment for me as well. Really don't mean this to sound like a massive moan as I obviously do love my sister, I just wouldn't say that we got on when we were younger and the bedroom situation was at least partly responsible for some of that friction.
As others have said, you don't need your own room and if you are planning for it to be short term you'll probably be ok. I'm almost certain I was on board with it when I was younger and all I needed my room for was sleep. But I think we would have probably had a modicum more harmony if we hadn't shared and a lot less arguments. Equally, have you thought about what if this doesn't go to plan and ends up being longer term than you intended?

I think they need their own space, they have too large an age gap and one will be going through puberty soon. However, if you can't afford a 3 bed house you'll have to get a 2 bed. You definitely don't want to buy a 3 bed, give their own rooms, then make one of them give up their room for a baby and move in with their sister if one comes along later!

In that situation, I'd give them the largest room, and put bunk beds right down the centre line, then use thick mdf/plasterboard panels to wall off one side off the bottom bunk down to the floor and the opposite side of the top bunk up to the ceiling. Make sure each side has some natural light if at all possible - you may also have to pay an electrician to ensure they each have good electric lighting in their room and can't turn each other's lights on and off. If the room is large enough, you may be able to put in a tiny lobby around the room door against the foot of the bunk beds, so that they can each have their own door into their own side, which allows a degree of soundproofing privacy too. They each paint their own side their own choice of colour and choose their own duvet covers etc.