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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's unfair to let your child believe in Father Christmas once they start secondary school

182 replies

Lavenderteal271 · 25/10/2020 12:00

My niece is 12 and still firmly believes. She started secondary school in September. My sister won't tell her the truth and DN isn't questioning it. I thought she was maybe just going along with it but my DS was chatting to her and she does genuinely still think its all real.

I think my sister should tell her, I think she's setting her up to be bullied. AIBU?

OP posts:
Gemma2019 · 25/10/2020 12:03

Yes I completely agree with you OP but I've noticed that it's an unpopular opinion on here

TingTastic · 25/10/2020 12:05

I agree that secondary school is definitely the cut-off

Rosebel · 25/10/2020 12:05

She could get bullied but would they really talk about it? My daughter is autistic and firmly believes (she is 12) but they don't really talk about it.
Years ago I saw a post from a secondary school teacher saying some of the Y7s still believe so she probably won't be alone.
I'm sure it won't be long and even if she does believe it probably won't be for long. I suspect she's already suspicious, just hasn't said anything.

Cabinfever10 · 25/10/2020 12:06

Depends on if your dn is NT or not and also her peers. Also a lot of children pretend that they believe in the hope of getting extra presents

Prettybluepigeons · 25/10/2020 12:06

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JeezLouisePlease · 25/10/2020 12:07

I think there’s a window of opportunity for them to find out or be told. After a certain age they may feel humiliation at finding out and that’s not good. They may feel betrayed too or mocked whereas they wouldn’t feel that if they found out younger. I agree that secondary school is a cut off.

Gancanny · 25/10/2020 12:10

Maybe your sister is giving her this Christmas as one last one of believing and then telling her?

is she generally cognitively impaired?

Hmm
Original poster
Lavenderteal271 · 25/10/2020 12:15

Yes my sister wants her to have one last Christmas believing in the magic. She's quite a confident child who's not afraid to speak her mind. I just think it would be better coming from her mum. I also think she'll be embarrassed and pissed off with my sister in the future for letting her still belive at this age.

OP posts:
iano · 25/10/2020 12:15

Are you 100% sure she doesn't know? Seems very unlikely to me that none of her friends ever filled her in!
I remember my friend gleefully telling another friend when we were 6. Surely that's pretty standard?

Original poster
Lavenderteal271 · 25/10/2020 12:17

She's heard it from her peers but she was telling my DS that she thinks they're lying as there's no way her mum could afford the present she's had.

OP posts:
Namechange8471 · 25/10/2020 12:17

My dd is autistic (high functioning)

She figured it out age 10, I would of told her otherwise, definitely before starting secondary school.

Rather than it 'ruining the magic' I've found the opposite, dd realizes it's family who buy the presents. Therefore some parents can afford lots for their children, some very little, she knows me and DP work hard, and cant afford everything!

I was never told about Santa as a child, my mum thought it ridiculous to beleive in a fat man watching over kids and sneaking presents in christmas eve.

Prettybluepigeons · 25/10/2020 12:20

don't Hmm me

it is EXTREMELY unlikely that an NT child of average cognitive ability still believes in father christmas at 12

12! ffs!

modgepodge · 25/10/2020 12:22

I teach year 6. I once had a child come to me in tears - she’d just found out in that lesson when she’d mentioned Santa had given her the pens she was using and another child filled her in. She was a very streetwise, ‘cool’ child with older siblings and I couldn’t believe she didn’t know before! I can only imagine how much worse it would have been a year later at secondary tbh.

Chickenandrice · 25/10/2020 12:22

I very much doubt a 12 year old still believes. She is just going along with it. It would probably embarrass her to sit her down and have a “chat” about it

81Byerley · 25/10/2020 12:23

In my family there has never been a reveal, though as the children are in their 40s, they obviously know. My eldest daughter told me she was 14 and still believed, though she didn't say so to her friends. Her reasoning was that we were quite poor, so how could we afford the piles of presents? The answer was I bought stuff as and when I saw it, in sales, etc., starting in January. When she was 17, she still came into my room to show me what was in her stocking...

JustGetThroughTheDay · 25/10/2020 12:24

Mine both believed at the start of high school and judging by the other kids at the time they weren't alone. It only took a couple of months for them to ask me the question.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 25/10/2020 12:25

I had to tell DD2 before she started secondary and she’s bright and NT 🤷🏼‍♀️, all kids are different.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 25/10/2020 12:26

Her sister said she worked it out when she was about 6 as the presents from ‘Santa’ were wrapped in the same paper as those from mum and dad

Pollynextdoor · 25/10/2020 12:27

No way does a 12 year old believe in Father Christmas 😂

Gancanny · 25/10/2020 12:27

don't hmm me it is EXTREMELY unlikely that an NT child of average cognitive ability still believes in father christmas at 12 12! ffs

I was Hmm at your "is she generally cognitively impaired?" as you were implying only children who are not NT would still believe at that age and that mental impairment is the only possible explanation. It smacks of disablism.

Chickenandrice · 25/10/2020 12:29

My mum told me and I went along with pretend surprise that I hadn’t realised before !

ChinDiaper · 25/10/2020 12:29

Why not? Some fully grown adults believe 5G is responsible for coronavirus.

jlgsy94 · 25/10/2020 12:30

Our eldest is only 9 and still believes, along with her siblings.

When they do start to question it, I plan on telling them that long long ago, a man called Saint Nicholas who gave gifts to the needy existed, and that his memory is carried on through what they’ve known as Santa Claus.

ohtheholidays · 25/10/2020 12:35

I still belived at 11(well allowed myself to still belive) and was in Secondary school,neither myself or my friends ever talked about Father Christmas when we were talking about Christmas we all just talked about what we were getting and what we were buying other people and where we were going to be at Christmas.

Our DD13 still believes,she is autistic but she does go to a mainstream school,but she's the same at school they all talk about what they want,who they're going to buy presents for and who they're going to spend time with at Christmas.

So for now I'd leave it be,let your sister decide when and how she tells your Niece,your Niece could just have been like me and loved the magic that the thought of Father Christmas bought with it.

amusedbush · 25/10/2020 12:40

A previous boss was actually proud that her son still believed in Santa the Christmas before he started secondary school (Scotland, so start at 12yo). My mum said I asked her outright and she told me the truth when I was about 6 so maybe I'm too far at the other end of the spectrum but 11/12 just seems way too old to still believe.

I think if they still believe when they're going to secondary school, it's time for a gentle conversation about it to save them being teased by their peers.