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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's unfair to let your child believe in Father Christmas once they start secondary school

182 replies

Lavenderteal271 · 25/10/2020 12:00

My niece is 12 and still firmly believes. She started secondary school in September. My sister won't tell her the truth and DN isn't questioning it. I thought she was maybe just going along with it but my DS was chatting to her and she does genuinely still think its all real.

I think my sister should tell her, I think she's setting her up to be bullied. AIBU?

OP posts:
ApplePlumPie · 27/10/2020 16:19

There was a very spiteful comment earlier on in the thread that has been removed.

paap1975 · 27/10/2020 16:20

The only kids I know who "believe" at that age are those who get presents from Father Christmas + parents. Most kids find out shortly after starting primary school

DTIsOnlyForNow · 27/10/2020 16:30

it is EXTREMELY unlikely that an NT child of average cognitive ability still believes in father christmas at 12

It really isn't.
Most of the world believes in some kind of god, Americans seem to think Trump is a president, and the UK thought Brexit was going to work out. On a smaller scale, grown adults think 5g is causing coronavirus, or the chinese did it, or its all a scam by the lizard people, or vaccines cause autism, or angels guide them, or crystals heal them....

It's totally normal for a 12 year old CHILD to believe in Santa, for fucks sake.

DTIsOnlyForNow · 27/10/2020 16:31

How can this be? How can anyone in the western world believe in this childishness when they are so bombarded with images to the contrary? Bonkers

  1. What images would that be? and
  2. Childishness? We're talking about CHILDREN, you numpty, they are meant to be childish.

Christ

liveitwell · 27/10/2020 17:13

What a shame to act out of fear of bullying. That's not way to raise a child.

MsTSwift · 27/10/2020 17:15

I still don’t believe they believe and are having you on!

Janegrey333 · 27/10/2020 19:36

@DTIsOnlyForNow

How can this be? How can anyone in the western world believe in this childishness when they are so bombarded with images to the contrary? Bonkers
  1. What images would that be? and
  2. Childishness? We're talking about CHILDREN, you numpty, they are meant to be childish.

Christ

Don’t be so stupid. Twelve year olds are in secondary education, for heaven’s sake. They are far too old to believe in Santa Claus - lol - and even if, by some amazing quirk one does, he or she will surely have more sense than to admit it. 😆
Janegrey333 · 27/10/2020 19:37

What a raging post, incidentally. Made me snigger.

Janegrey333 · 27/10/2020 19:39

It's totally normal for a 12 year old CHILD to believe in Santa, for fucks sake

No. Wrong.
It really really isn’t!!

Prettybluepigeons · 27/10/2020 20:07

No! It really isn't normal for a 12 year old to believe in santa.
Nor is it desirable

Prettybluepigeons · 27/10/2020 20:12

And the comment I made which has been deleted was NOT spiteful at all. It was a perfectly reasonable point which has been repeated over and over by many people on this thread. They haven't all been deleted.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 27/10/2020 21:52

Thinking about it.. I think it's maybe those of us who don't make the biggest deal out of Santa that it's easier to believe.. Mine still got their main presents from me, it was just a small stocking from Santa. I didn't need to hide the fact that I went Christmas shopping etc, so there was less to be caught out on. I don't know, they're all healthy teens / young adults now, so believing until the end of primary hasn't harmed them.

CherryPavlova · 27/10/2020 22:00

I think it’s normal for a twelve year old to enjoy the pretence and humour their parents.
No need to tell them at all. I suspect they change their level of belief depending on circumstances.
Ours have ‘always’ believed and do still. To us. At home.

MrsAvocet · 27/10/2020 22:19

That's probably true ColdTatty. My MIL is at the opposite end of the spectrum, insisting that every present is from Santa, whether for adults or children. Even though my children are late teens/early 20s she still says "Oh look, some presents must have fallen off Santa's sleigh for you at our house". They look a bit embarrassed and mutter "Err...thanks Grandma" and she replies "Don't thank me, they're from Santa". I think that level of obsession probably made my children stop believing sooner rather than later, as even if they bought into the Santa delivering presents to their own home idea, they were very doubtful that he might "accidentally" drop parcels with their names on down their grandparents' chimney a couple of hundred miles away.Hmm Especially, it has to be said, when my parents gave them presents that said "Love from Grandma and Grandad Avocet" on and I told them that we give to and receive from people we love at Christmas. My MIL's fixation with the "magic" of Christmas probably made them stop believing sooner than they would if the story had been a bit more believable.
Personally I think that receiving from and giving to real people is the real magic.

TerribleCustomerCervix · 27/10/2020 22:37

My DC are still toddler but my plan is to start getting sloppy with my Santa Duties when they’re about 7, so they start questioning things gradually and there doesn’t have to be any Big Reveal.

Using the same wrapping paper, not trying to disguise my handwriting on the gift tags, leaving some stocking fillers out “accidentally” - hopefully it’ll all come together to raise their suspicions.

Yeahnahmum · 27/10/2020 22:48

Imagine the embarrassment if the other kids in her class find out that she thinks santa is real 😂 god protect her . she should be told!!

Surely no one is that naive at the age of 12. Only when you grew up home schooling and no Internet maybe 😃

jessstan1 · 27/10/2020 23:03

@Yeahnahmum

Imagine the embarrassment if the other kids in her class find out that she thinks santa is real 😂 god protect her . she should be told!!

Surely no one is that naive at the age of 12. Only when you grew up home schooling and no Internet maybe 😃

..and never seeing anyone at all except parents, nor reading or watching TV.
Frequentcarpetflyer · 27/10/2020 23:06

I don't think you should tell any age child that FC is real. It must be so disappointing when your parents finally tell you it was all pretend!

Janegrey333 · 27/10/2020 23:07

@CherryPavlova

I think it’s normal for a twelve year old to enjoy the pretence and humour their parents. No need to tell them at all. I suspect they change their level of belief depending on circumstances. Ours have ‘always’ believed and do still. To us. At home.
They are pretending. It’s not quite the same as belief.
merryhouse · 27/10/2020 23:19

I was playing with dolls in (what is now) Year 8.

I knew Father Christmas was a myth when I was still in the infants - possibly even before, I don't remember.

We were very low-key on the whole thing, mind - just the dad's sock stretched full of unwrapped small presents was from FC. (Which caused its own issues when kindly adults asked "what did Father Christmas bring you?" and I reeled off "toothpaste, Spangles, tangerine, wheezy thing, knickers, pencil topper, chocolate coins, notebook..." without ever realising that I should have been telling them about the doll that talked, or the box of fancy lego, or the (6th share in a) mini snooker table Grin)

Hormonecrazyhell · 27/10/2020 23:25

My autistic son believed up until year 5/6. I told him. He was furious I had lied for years. I mean absolutely livid. He gave me the “I’m disappointed in you” talking to. He asked what else I had lied about. He is still angry about it when the run up to Christmas starts every year, years later. I think if he’d been younger it would of been much better, for me at least

DTIsOnlyForNow · 28/10/2020 11:59

Don’t be so stupid. Twelve year olds are in secondary education, for heaven’s sake. They are far too old to believe in Santa Claus - lol - and even if, by some amazing quirk one does, he or she will surely have more sense than to admit it

Your 12 year olds may be in secondary, not in my country.

There's a lot of talk here about kids being bullied if they believe in Santa. So you're excusing your little bullies by making out its the victims fault for acting like actual children. It's your kids that are the problem, not the more innocent ones.

BTW, this is a veyr British attitude, the idea that preteen children are meant to be grown up and knowing (and bullying is fine if they aren't). But then thats probably why your schools are so awful and you have so much knife crime and such like.

Pollynextdoor · 28/10/2020 12:10

@DTIsOnlyForNow, what is your country?
Year groups are at a fairly similar level of education across most European countries.

I can’t be bothered to comment about your remarks on knife crime as it’s so ridiculous.

ohnothisagain · 28/10/2020 13:31

@DTIsOnlyForNow you are being ridiculous. to take up your argument, i’m from a country where santa is very much for under 5s. At 7, all children will know. there is no knife crime etc. Primary school
starts around 6, secondary around 10.
UK children believe longer than most

MsTSwift · 28/10/2020 13:57

Loving the link between not swallowing the Father Christmas myth at 12 and knife crime! Too funny!

I would be slightly concerned if I had a 12 year old that wholeheartedly believed but I don’t believe such a child exists anyway.

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