To think it's unfair to let your child believe in Father Christmas once they start secondary school

[Lavenderteal271]

My niece is 12 and still firmly believes. She started secondary school in September. My sister won't tell her the truth and DN isn't questioning it. I thought she was maybe just going along with it but my DS was chatting to her and she does genuinely still think its all real.

I think my sister should tell her, I think she's setting her up to be bullied. AIBU?

When she was 17, she still came into my room to show me what was in her stocking...

Mine are in their 20s and still come in to show is what's in their stocking!

Our local ancient RC priest also told assembly of primary children there is no FC a few years back (unless me and Matilda live in same place?)

Rotten thing to do.

I have always loved the stories and legends that surround min winter, they are the spirit of the whole thing for me.

We've never harped on about FC though, feels a bit odd to encourage a strong belief as they get older. No one sat me down and 'revealed the truth' and I kind of knew that mum and dad helped Father Christmas. The fact 'he' used our pillow cases to stuff presents in was perhaps a hint.

DS is 10 and young for his age and I suspect he still half believes - Y6 now so I will have to think whether to break it gently...

It’s none of your business, you don’t know what’s going on between the two of them.

By child is 11 and is told to tell others that Father Christmas is real to other children in case they believe in it still. She is now part of ‘the game’ that’s played world wide and joined the rest of us in being Santa every year, picking out and wrapping presents for others. Santa is real, his just not a jolly man but the people of the world, so you don’t know if that’s what she knows.

I believed at 11 and found out the first Christmas of secondary school. I am of average cognitive ability . I’m an only child and love Christmas! I hope DS believes a while longer but will probably tell him before he starts secondary school if he hasn’t worked it out before.

People of all ages believe in God so why not? FC is no more unlikely than God or any religious belief.

And at least there is plenty of evidence of FC which makes it a much more plausible story!

Ds is 10 and dd is 13 (14 the week before Christmas) both have ASD and both are aware Father Christmas isn’t real. Both have decided they ‘want to believe’ and so they do. They enjoy it and while they’re aware of the truth they just prefer the fun of Father Christmas.

Maybe this child is the same, after all she’s been told the truth you said?

Well I’m 63 and I still believe he’s real 🤷‍♀️😊

The thing is, children are all different . Some have a much greater capacity for fantasy and/ or need for escapism than others. They are complex beings. So its a bit ridiculous to suggest that there's something "odd" about a child believing in Santa's past the age of 6. Ds 1, being of a logical bent, had it all worked out by 7. Most of his friends, and ds2, were later. A friend's child was 4 when she worked it out. It doesnt really matter.

That said, my personal belief is that a child should be told if they still believe at secondary school. Last year I took a group of P7 children to camp. One of the girls (a particularly sensitive and self contained child) was chatting to me whilst hiking and said that she was quite upset because her Dad had recently told her Santa wasn't real. I acknowledged her sadness but said that i thought her Dad was right to do this because she ran the risk of being teased about it at High School. She considered this for a moment and agreed with me. I can only imagine how hard this had been for her Dad...no one wants to break the innocence of their child but sometimes its the right thing to do.

In a similar situation. Asked ds to discuss with her but she doesn't believe him. A few months ago she found her elf we hid in a box on Christmas eve and forgot to put back with the decorations and was devastated- then dh spoke to her and she calmed down - I suspect he came up with some rubbish that got her believing again (he doesn't see any issue with her still believing).

Wait, Father Christmas isn’t real? How do you get your presents then?

Yabvvvvvvu. I’m 32 and still believe!

Nope. No need, leave them to it.

Totally agree. We sat down ds before he started secondary school to tell him, he said he kind of already knew but was amazed it was us.

Some kids are just have blind spots to stuff like this, doesnt mean they're stupid or anything. A lad at our school when we were around 12 thought our french teacher came to teach from france everyday (to east yorkshire). Seems hes done alright for himself judging by SM.

@arethereanyleftatall

The intelligence dig is utter drivel, and simply spiteful. I think there's area differences. In some areas, kids are much more 'streetwise' and 12 would be far too old. In other areas, kids are encouraged to be kids much longer and 12 wouldn't be too old.

Which areas are these then?

FWIW, the playground is the cruellest judge. We can say 'well bullies shouldn't bully' until we're blue in the face, it doesn't stop them. If she genuinely does believe that FC brings all the presents himself and tells her classmates, they will take the piss out of her. Regardless of whether it is a 'naice' school or not.

My DS started asking questions and getting suspicious at 8 and he figured it out. I did ask him not to spoil it for anyone else (he has younger cousins.)
When he was in Yr7, he saw a couple of boys be completely laughed at for believing and he said this was horrible, but equally that the parents of the boys could have avoided that embarrassment for their sons.
I did get a truly magical Lapland day with my DS when he was 7 and still believed. That was one of our best memories ever.

I agree OP. I was in the same position last year and there was no way I was letting DS go into year 7 without telling him. He's autistic and absolutely still believed. I was dreading it and actually posted a thread on here for advice on how to broach the subject. I got a lot of helpful replies and he took it much better than I'd hoped. Like your DN, he too thought I couldn't have afforded the expensive presents he's had over the years.

How hot a topic of conversation is this at most secondary schools? I can imagine kids discussing what they’ll get for Christmas, but do they really debate the existence of Santa at the same time?

It is clear from this thread that there's a rather large number of us telling our kids before y7 so that they won't be the 'only one'.

Thanks for all the replies. For those saying its none of my business, I couldn't disagree more. This is my niece, who I love very much. I want to protect her. She's already experienced bullying, I don't want her to go through that again when it can be prevented. Kids can be really mean and this secondary school is a tough one. As parents we don't always get things right. I often ask others for advice and take what they say on board. I would never ever go against my sisters wishes but I'm entitled to my opinion just as she's entitled to her. She often gives me parenting advice too.

I worked it out the year I was given the “Usborne Children’s Atlas” for my birthday. I was 6. Once I saw how big the world is and how many people live in each country and how far Australia is from the UK, for example, it was obvious that one person couldn’t deliver a sack full of presents to every child in the world in one night.

Once children in our extended family figure it out, we tell them that we are all Santa Claus and they have now become a Santa Claus. It’s not that he’s not real, per se. But we are all a Santa Claus for others by giving gifts and being kind. And they are excited that they are now a “Santa Claus” for someone themselves.

My daughter's (I have an older one too) usually go and see FC at the Christmas fayre and most of their friends do too.
My eldest hasn't believed for a long time and I don't think her friends do either but it's a kind of tradition. No one gets bullied about it and we live in a city so not exactly a small quiet place.

At my school I'm aware of more than one parent emailing their Y7 child's form tutor saying their child still believes so could they please make sure the other kids don't say anything to "spoil the magic for them".

As someone who has taught for years in secondary schools, I think this is a bad idea. It’s a very childish thing to believe at 11 or 12 and her friends in year seven are going to find it hilarious.

I agree. A pp wondered if this was a hot topic at school. I'd guarantee the conversation goes something like this.
"I'm really hoping for a hairdryer for Christmas. I've shown my mum which one I'd like."
"I've asked Santa for a phone."
"What do you mean, asked Santa? Are you joking?"
You get the drift. It would never end well.
With all the stuff secondary school staff have to deal with, this shouldn't be an extra policing issue for them - not to mention warning the rest of the class not to spoil Santa for another student is sadly going to be cause for cruel hilarity.

My 11 year old has just started secondary school so I thought I should have a chat about Santa.

As we started the discussion, she told me she’d had doubts for a long time.
I asked if she wanted to know but In her words

‘No, you’re going to give me the wrong answer and I don’t want to know. I’ll find out for sure when I’m an adult’