Page 6 | To think it's unfair to let your child believe in Father Christmas once they start secondary school

Lavenderteal271 · 2020-10-25T12:00:40+00:00

My niece is 12 and still firmly believes. She started secondary school in September. My sister won't tell her the truth and DN isn't questioning it. I thought she was maybe just going along with it but my DS was chatting to her and she does genuinely still think its all real. I think my sister should tell her, I think she's setting her up to be bullied. AIBU?

SE13Mummy · 26/10/2020 17:36

DD2 has just started Y7 and is still keen on Santa. She knows other people don't believe in him, has an older sister who no longer believes in him in private (but knows Santa is unlikely to leave her gifts if she spoils things for her sister) but she has never asked if he's real or if it's us. She's a bright child who lives with her head in a book and although she's pretty pragmatic about most things, she can suspend all disbelief when it suits her. That's fine by me. She won't be bullied for it any more than her peers may be bullied for their beliefs.

AlexaShutUp · 26/10/2020 17:44

There are some very mean comments on this thread - totally uncalled for. How long a child believes in Santa isn't a reflection of their intelligence. It just isn't!

My own dd is a natural sceptic, started asking difficult questions at 3 and demanded that we tell her the truth at age 7. My nephew - every bit as inquisitive and intelligent as dd is - believed quite happily until he was 11. All children are different.

I really don't understand the incredulity expressed by people who can't believe that a 10yo still believes. Given how many adults buy into religion and conspiracy theories etc, it really isn't that surprising at all. People often believe totally far-fetched stuff when they really want it to be true.

Pollynextdoor · 26/10/2020 17:44

Lol at the parents of the “believers” now trying to make out the non believers are the “streetwise” kids from da hood

TomMRiddle · 26/10/2020 18:06

I'm not sure streetwise is the word, I'd say that very middle class schools have year 7 classes that are significantly younger than their more mixed equivalents.

SistemaAddict · 26/10/2020 18:27

I'm 44 and still believe 🎄

Mellonsprite · 26/10/2020 18:54

I disagree with the word streetwise too, IME it’s having a more questioning nature and thinking things through.
My DD realised working out timings at a young age, ie time taken to travel from Australia to UK, and Spain to UK and I’m glad she did. However she’s the least streetwise girl you can imagine.

MsTSwift · 26/10/2020 19:16

My kids are not in designer wear smoking behind the bike sheds 🙄 whatever that means but admittedly we are not farmers 🙄but like us our kids are avid readers and we travel a lot with them and we have lots of discussions generally and just cannot imagine them still believing in Father Christmas at 12. Just had a discussion with my 12 year old about environmental sanitary pads that’s the stage we are at!

TomMRiddle · 26/10/2020 19:33

But not all children are there at 12, to insinuate that children who still might believe in Santa at this age are some how lacking in questioning or intellect is just as bad as saying that they are streetwise.

Kids mature at different levels. Some year 7s are still playing with dolls and are very childlike. Others are mini teens already.

Most are mini teens by the end of year 7, and you really don't want to hear about some of the things that go on over that summer lol.

WiseUpJanetWeiss · 26/10/2020 19:58

I don’t remember when I stopped believing. Probably about Year 4.

My DS was 5. He’d developed a great interest in time and maps and just said “if it takes us an hour to get to Grandma’s, how can Father Christmas get round the whole world in one night?”. I prevaricated about time zones and possibly FC had help, but he was having none of it and insisted on the truth. He then reverted to “believing” for the next several Christmases.

Mellonsprite · 26/10/2020 20:06

I’m not insinuating that children that still believe at 12 are lacking in intellect @TomMRiddle, but I stand by saying questioning skills.
What wiseuojanetweuss said is how it happened for my DD, eg a rational realisation that it couldn’t possibly happen due to timings, along with looking up the fireplace saying no one could fit down that, she was very young 7 or 8. It’s nothing to do with being streetwise (she’s not!) and a lot more immature than DS’ at same age.

TomMRiddle · 26/10/2020 20:08

I wouldn't stand by questioning skills at all. Some just don't question that thing for whatever reason.

Plenty of year 7s are very childlike as I said.

Mellonsprite · 26/10/2020 20:12

But they will question it at some stage, and the point of the OP is to say is it not better to have the conversation before they are (possibly) embarrassed at high school, and my answer was yes, definitely.

TomMRiddle · 26/10/2020 20:14

As said it depends on the cohort/school they are in.

Pollynextdoor · 26/10/2020 20:46

Where are these schools where Year 7s play with dolls and believe in FC?

TomMRiddle · 26/10/2020 20:48

I've worked in schools where year 7s are very childlike, in most the Y7s are very primary school till after Christmas.

It does depend on the school though, other schools had y7s smoking fags and hanging out on the streets at weekends.

MrsAvocet · 26/10/2020 20:57

I agree with you OP. If she genuinely does still believe she needs to know. Mind you, I thought all mine still believed until year 6 when I told them the truth and they all looked at me a bit pityingly and said something along the lines of "We've known for years Mum, we were just playing along because we didn't want to upset you". They had all been very convincing up until then though. Which was a bit infuriating really as I would have happily done away with the whole Father Christmas thing much sooner, or indeed never started it, except DH thought it was cruel.

Prettybluepigeons · 26/10/2020 21:11

The comment about cognitive impairment has my blood boiling so I’m aware what I will say next isn’t particularly kind. To the posters who cannot imagine a possibility that a 12 year old may believe in Santa. I know lots of mums who think like you, the ones who have lived in the same area their whole lives and have love/hate relationships with their own school peers who still live in the same area. Who have DC who will wear the best of labels and best thing their DC could be is ‘coo

wtf? projecting much?????
you have literally no idea about the lives of anyone posting on here.

Diverseduvet · 26/10/2020 21:11

I think maybe the children who still believe may come from families where they buy in the whole elaborate thing for years, leaving a carrot out for the reindeer etc so it's more to give up when the time comes? I too find it hard to believe any child over eight genuinely believes in Father Christmas, especially if they mix with children with different faiths and beliefs.

PhilSwagielka · 26/10/2020 21:34

@Dontstepinthecowpat

The comment about cognitive impairment has my blood boiling so I’m aware what I will say next isn’t particularly kind. To the posters who cannot imagine a possibility that a 12 year old may believe in Santa. I know lots of mums who think like you, the ones who have lived in the same area their whole lives and have love/hate relationships with their own school peers who still live in the same area. Who have DC who will wear the best of labels and best thing their DC could be is ‘cool’. I’ve heard the comments, I’ve evidenced our DC being called weird as they join the local town academy from the little village school. Well guess what, it’s perfectly easy to believe in Santa at 12 when you have gone to a school with 40 pupils mostly farming families and your not streetwise. To save my DS the bullying from the ‘cool’ kids I sat him down last year before his birthday/Christmas during first term of high school. I wrote him a letter about how Santa is us but the magic comes from inside us all and yes it was twee but it was special. Unlike my own DM who brought me up to be streetwise and just snarled at me that of course Santa wasn’t real, don’t be ridiculous when I asked at age 8. Sorry I’ve just had enough of snide, nasty, insular people today.

Actually, I think that letter was very sweet. I like the idea that we can all be someone’s Santa.

jessstan1 · 26/10/2020 21:44

"The comment about cognitive impairment has my blood boiling so I’m aware what I will say next isn’t particularly kind. To the posters who cannot imagine a possibility that a 12 year old may believe in Santa. I know lots of mums who think like you, the ones who have lived in the same area their whole lives and have love/hate relationships with their own school peers who still live in the same area. Who have DC who will wear the best of labels and best thing their DC could be is ‘coo"

What on earth are you on about?

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 26/10/2020 22:24

I STILL BELIEVE.

mam0918 · 27/10/2020 10:59

@Pollynextdoor

Where are these schools where Year 7s play with dolls and believe in FC?

My friend has a daughter that is 14 and plays with doll (has 2 younger sisters who she spends most her time playing with, theyre super close) and believes in santa (she is very fantasy driven loves fantasy worlds like harry potter, marvel and LOTR etc...).

Her mam worried about this when she started secondary school but its really not a crime to enjoy whimsy and nothing really changed, yes some kids find her childish but others dont - everyone finds their own group.

do some kids mock her for believing? yes but she gets far more mock year round for being a 'book nerd' from those kids.

I very much didnt believe in Santa or play with dolls and I got bullied horribly in school it was like everything I did was wrong in the eyes of others (my clothes where 'bad' dispite us all wearing uniform, my hair was 'uncool', my school bag wasnt 'in fashion' etc...) but I had a friend in school who was very childish/immature he wasnt overly popular/cool but he didnt actually get bullied like I did so I dont think you can just to conclusions like that - highschool popularity is a complex thing.

Janegrey333 · 27/10/2020 11:04

How can this be? How can anyone in the western world believe in this childishness when they are so bombarded with images to the contrary? Bonkers.

SE13Mummy · 27/10/2020 14:50

@Janegrey333

How can this be? How can anyone in the western world believe in this childishness when they are so bombarded with images to the contrary? Bonkers.

DD2 isn't bombarded with images to the contrary because she isn't interested in devices that do the image-bombarding! She rarely watches TV and doesn't watch channels with adverts anyway so her exposure to that sort of thing is limited. It's currently half-term and she's in her room, reading books about children going off on adventures in boats etc. without their parents. She's in Y7 and it's a non-issue.

Ilovecheese53 · 27/10/2020 16:12

@jessstan1

"The comment about cognitive impairment has my blood boiling so I’m aware what I will say next isn’t particularly kind. To the posters who cannot imagine a possibility that a 12 year old may believe in Santa. I know lots of mums who think like you, the ones who have lived in the same area their whole lives and have love/hate relationships with their own school peers who still live in the same area. Who have DC who will wear the best of labels and best thing their DC could be is ‘coo"

What on earth are you on about?

I would like to know too 🤣