To think it's unfair to let your child believe in Father Christmas once they start secondary school

[Lavenderteal271]

My niece is 12 and still firmly believes. She started secondary school in September. My sister won't tell her the truth and DN isn't questioning it. I thought she was maybe just going along with it but my DS was chatting to her and she does genuinely still think its all real.

I think my sister should tell her, I think she's setting her up to be bullied. AIBU?

Dd very into environmental issues and feminism very aware of the world around her so still believing would just seem ridiculous tbh. But appreciate some 12 year olds kept very young.

@MrsSnitchnose could you post a link to your thread?

I'd find that really useful for chat with DS.

I like the idea of saying to them that we are all FC. He's the spirit of giving things thoughtfully without ever expecting a present back.

Could be a good way to explain it and link to helping people - even those we have never met for example - foodbank, street children etc

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3657418-To-ask-for-advice-on-telling-my-child-the-truth-about-Father-Christmas

This is it @KisstheTeapot14 I can't remember exactly what I said now but he took it really well. My advice would be don't make it too overcomplicated and make sure he knows Christmas will still be good, just different from now on.

Tbh it's been a good thing all round. While it was always nice to do the whole Santa thing, I feel like it took the pressure off a little last year. Good luck

Thanks @mrsSnitchnose, much appreciated!

Sounds like sensible advice - keeping it simple.

I vividly remember two of my friends having the piss taken out of them when we were 11/12 for still being vehement in their belief in Santa. Looking back, it was terrible how our classmates went on at them. I wonder if they look back and wish they'd been told before then. For that reason I've always said if they hadn't asked before, I'd have had to find a way of gently breaking it to my children, rather than let them find out in such a horrible way. High school certainly feels like a cut off point for me, especially thinking back to some of the kids in my class.

I'm glad mine figured it out in their own, I have to say.

I do find it a bit hard to believe any child in this day and age could reach the age without twigging that Santa isn't real. I was told by other kids at age six, and by the time I was ten I didn't know a single child who actually still believed.

I did, however, know a few who pretended to believe. They knew their parents enjoyed the pretence and knew that if they played up the cutesy, they had a better chance of getting the presents they wanted. Because a parent can tell you they just can't afford that must-have toy, but Santa is MAGIC and will OF COURSE be able to provide. Or there will be tears on Christmas morning.

Never underestimate how manipulative small children can be!

contactusdeletus Mon 26-Oct-20 11:19:33
I do find it a bit hard to believe any child in this day and age could reach the age without twigging that Santa isn't real. I was told by other kids at age six, and by the time I was ten I didn't know a single child who actually still believed.
...
Same here. I clearly remember, when I was about eight, there was a discussion in class (RE I expect which we used to have in those days), involving Christmas and various people put hands up to offer insights or questions. One girl stood up and started saying, "Father Christmas comes round......"; the teacher said, "You are far too big to be believing in Father Christmas any more", and that was the end of it.

Ha Jess imagine if that happened today the parents would go spare at that teacher!

@jessstan1 at 8 ? That is so sad my daughter is 7 and is still very much a believer.

Mine were just starting secondary school when we told them. They had quite protected childhoods and most of their classmates also believed until similar ages. They were shocked that we spent so much on them

[quote Trialanderror02]@jessstan1 at 8 ? That is so sad my daughter is 7 and is still very much a believer.[/quote]
Not sad at all. Nobody else in the class believed in Santa.

@Prettybluepigeons

don't me

it is EXTREMELY unlikely that an NT child of average cognitive ability still believes in father christmas at 12

12! ffs!

In my school some kids were in sexual relationships with boyfriends at 13 - shudder at that now but it was pretty common. A whole other issue yes but my point being I would've been incredibly shocked if anyone would've believed in santa at 12 - my experience was that everyone pretty much knew in middle school around 10 if they didn't already

@jessstan1

contactusdeletus Mon 26-Oct-20 11:19:33 I do find it a bit hard to believe any child in this day and age could reach the age without twigging that Santa isn't real. I was told by other kids at age six, and by the time I was ten I didn't know a single child who actually still believed. ... Same here. I clearly remember, when I was about eight, there was a discussion in class (RE I expect which we used to have in those days), involving Christmas and various people put hands up to offer insights or questions. One girl stood up and started saying, "Father Christmas comes round......"; the teacher said, "You are far too big to be believing in Father Christmas any more", and that was the end of it.

the same here. By 10 I didn't know anyone who did. I think most of us were bright enough to spot the flaws and inconsistencies in the stories from about 6 and then just liked to believe until it became uncool around 9 or 10

@LindaEllen

And for all the people who are astounded that a 12yo can believe in a magic man bringing presents.. do any of you believe in God? I'll leave you with that one ..

In fact there's more bloody evidence for 'Santa' than there is for God - even if as you get older you realise your parents planted it all, ha ha.

Perhaps this is why I struggle to see how 12 year old could still believe given the inconsistent stories and obvious infeasibiltiy. I struggle to see how adults can believe in God too. I respect that they do, just do not understand unless they (as with Santa) enjoy and find comfort from it to the extent that they're happy not to open their eyes to the lie

@MsTSwift

Ha Jess imagine if that happened today the parents would go spare at that teacher!

That did make me spit out my tea laughing!

But that's the other issue, isn't it? It's one thing to believe kids don't debate the reality of Santa (they absolutely do) but how many of us had adults "slip up" as we were growing up, because they genuinely thought we were a bit old for all that? I've seen it happen more times than I can count.

"Oh what are your mum and dad getting you for Christmas?"

Or even just watching TV. We used to watch the Simpsons and things when I was younger, and it was clear the parents were buying the presents. You'd have to be pretty sheltered to reach age 12 and never even question it.

I honestly think this child is just playing along for the parents. Maybe she's hoping if her parents have to have a big talk "taking away the magic" for her, it'll mean guilt and a bumper haul of prezzies.

Yes I'm deeply cynical.

On the God vs Santa topic:

The alternative to not believing in God is to accept yourself as being fundamentally alone in an uncaring universe, and death as being final. It's a lot to take, and people understandably shirk from that, and would prefer to take refuge in the idea that there is something bigger we just can't comprehend.

The alternative to believing in Santa, on the other hand, is realising your mum and dad created some lovely memories for you when you were little but they're actually the ones doing all the work. So maybe it might be nice to thank them now.

It's not really the same thing. And I say that as an atheist. Discovering Santa's not real is unlikely to spark off any existential dread.

@iano

Are you 100% sure she doesn't know? Seems very unlikely to me that none of her friends ever filled her in! I remember my friend gleefully telling another friend when we were 6. Surely that's pretty standard?

I thought the same.

Blimey! I can't really imagine a secondary school child who still believes. Utterly bonkers. The mother really needs to tell her - unless she still believes too .

It depends on the context, leafy comp/private school with nice year 7s? It's very easy that lots of them will still believe.

Slightly more mixed environments probably not.

cannot believe any kid genuinely makes it past about Year 4 thinking that Santa is real.

Sure they might play along, writing letters and even visiting Santa etc but really do they believe? If Mum and Dad think the kids still believe then maybe the kids are pretty convincing actors?

If the parents allow her to still believe age 12, she will get the absolute piss ripped out if her at high school.
Sorry for those who don’t want to hear it, as wrong as it is that’s how it is but she will and it’s 100% in her best interests to tell her (gently).

I figured it out before I even made it to primary school so it’s mind blowing to me that kids could be 12 and still believing in Santa. Mine are only young still but I definitely wouldn’t let them get to that age and still believe!!

Told mine for years that santa stops visiting them once they're 11. When they get to 7 I have to give santa money to pay for the presents.
From 9 they get just one pressy from santa

Better than admitting I lied to them for years

The comment about cognitive impairment has my blood boiling so I’m aware what I will say next isn’t particularly kind. To the posters who cannot imagine a possibility that a 12 year old may believe in Santa. I know lots of mums who think like you, the ones who have lived in the same area their whole lives and have love/hate relationships with their own school peers who still live in the same area. Who have DC who will wear the best of labels and best thing their DC could be is ‘cool’. I’ve heard the comments, I’ve evidenced our DC being called weird as they join the local town academy from the little village school. Well guess what, it’s perfectly easy to believe in Santa at 12 when you have gone to a school with 40 pupils mostly farming families and your not streetwise. To save my DS the bullying from the ‘cool’ kids I sat him down last year before his birthday/Christmas during first term of high school. I wrote him a letter about how Santa is us but the magic comes from inside us all and yes it was twee but it was special. Unlike my own DM who brought me up to be streetwise and just snarled at me that of course Santa wasn’t real, don’t be ridiculous when I asked at age 8. Sorry I’ve just had enough of snide, nasty, insular people today.

I was definitely 11...maybe almost 12 when I kept asking my dad as kids at school were telling me it wasn't real. Bless him he tried to answer as best he could when I kept asking of Santa was real. But he obviously knew I needed to be told the truth but didn't want to crush me 🤣 so his answer was "if you want there to be a Santa then there is....if you want to believe it..believe it" well I knew from that moment. Have to say it was a little soul destroying going to smyths with my mum the next month for the playstation santa was supposed to be bringing me.😭🤣