To think it's unfair to let your child believe in Father Christmas once they start secondary school

[Lavenderteal271]

My niece is 12 and still firmly believes. She started secondary school in September. My sister won't tell her the truth and DN isn't questioning it. I thought she was maybe just going along with it but my DS was chatting to her and she does genuinely still think its all real.

I think my sister should tell her, I think she's setting her up to be bullied. AIBU?

I was really young when I stopped believing, about eight I think? It was because I woke up on Christmas Eve and saw my parents putting the presents under the tree, then I pretended to be asleep when my mum brought my stocking in 😂 Most of my friends stopped believing around the same time, but my cousin who was the same age believed a lot longer and it was pretty exhausting having to pretend around her. She was always really childish and immature though.

I let my DC decide when they wanted to know. My eldest asked the year before last if Santa is real, I asked "what do you think?" and he said he thinks it's not real so we told him. Oldest DD asked the same thing a few months ago and when I asked the same question she said she thinks it's real so I've left it there and haven't said anything more, I think this Christmas will be her last year of it and she'll want to know by then.

She’s not setting her up- it’s nice there are still innocent twelve year olds out there! Don’t ruin it for her.

Let her find out in her own time; she will, soon enough. Most children are self aware enough that even if they do still believe, they won’t say so around friends so she’s unlikely to be confronted over it. If she’s not said anything to friends about it lately I doubt she will this year.

Some kids are just very strong believers. My dd is like that. She is fully absorbed in whatever her current fad is, harry potter or whatever. And totally immerses herself in that imaginative world. She is 10 and found out about santa the other day. Watching a 12 series on tv... I thought she had doubts and was quite shocked at how firmly she still believed. Nothing to do with how bright they are. She is just totally into magic and imaginative play . I felt a mixture of sadness and relief it happened in a supportive safe way!

None of your business. People can raise their children however they wish.

I don’t plan on sitting down and telling DD, just like nobody sat down and told me.

and it was pretty exhausting having to pretend around her. She was always really childish and immature though.

Oh give over. “Pretty exhausting” is a ridiculous statement. At no pint since I had DD has it been anywhere near exhausting to keep the pretence up.

Two of my three still believed on some level the last Christmas they were at primary. I think it’s only fair that they know before secondary though. It doesn’t have to be a big sit down conversation, I think I just talked about stockings in a different way, and about the magic of Christmas, and the penny dropped. I’m glad it came from me though. Otherwise a throwaway comment at school or in front of peers could lead to being told pretty bluntly, or yes, being teased.

The intelligence dig is utter drivel, and simply spiteful.
I think there's area differences. In some areas, kids are much more 'streetwise' and 12 would be far too old. In other areas, kids are encouraged to be kids much longer and 12 wouldn't be too old.

It’s nothing to do with being kids longer. A 12 year old does not believe that Father Christmas travels all over the world and climbs down peoples chimneys at night. There is no way I believe that. I find it hard hard to believe for any child much older than 5 or 6 to be honest.

People of all ages believe in God so why not? FC is no more unlikely than God or any religious belief.

Prettybluepigeons

is she generally cognitively impaired?

This place has had some real unnecessarily shitty posts on it lately but this is the most spiteful, cruel, and downright pig ignorant comment I have ever seen on here.

Absolutely no need for it.

From the mother of a child who has special needs.

@Pollynextdoor
I can promise you, had she not been told by anyone else that it wasn't true, my (I'll add the disclaimer-incredibly bright grammar school 12yo dd) would believe exactly that. As would at least four of her friends if they hadn't been told otherwise. It's because she would want to believe, so wouldn't question it.

I do not believe for one second that she doesn’t know or has never asked. Does she not talk to friends with older brothers and sisters? Never read anything on the internet? Never noticed a small slip up? It’s the talking point for every year from year 4 or 5 in the run up to Christmas. I reckon she’s been told to keep shrug so she’ll get better presents!

My son is probably ASC (undergoing assessment) and as far as I know, still believes. He’s just started Y7 and we were going to tell him but then the pandemic happened. It felt too mean when he’s had a crap time with bubble closures and not seeing family.

I did have a conversation with him where I said that other students at school may not believe and asked how he would handle this. He said he would not let on that he did in case they made fun of him. So whether he suspects or not, I feel ok that he won’t make himself a target.

How mean to imply the child is cognatively impaired! , I put up with nasty comments about my austic daughter, no one has the right to say horrible things.
Anyway it's up to your sister and if she's telling her after Christmas what's the problem?
We always do small presents from Santa like hair stuff and make up. So they know big presents come from family.

What do mean Father Christmas isn’t real???

I would be very surprised to encounter a NT 12-year-old who genuinely believed in Santa. Most children of that age easily distinguish between reality and fantasy. They may play along and want to believe, but if they’ve given the matter any thought at all, they could surely deduce the impossibility of a magical being who delivers presents to every household the world over in a single night.

As an aside, I am often surprised by how invested some people are in maintaining their children’s belief in Santa, while simultaneously rushing them to grow up. It’s an odd contradiction and obviously doesn’t apply to everyone. But I have observed it quite often in parents who encourage their children to stop playing with toys or engaging in imaginative play, who allow them to have mobile phones and internet access and social media when they are far too young IMO. And yet these same people seem fiercely protective of their children’s belief in Santa. 🤷‍♀️

I agree OP. DN is at risk of being in the firing line at school. Please tell me she doesn't want to go in the queue for Santa's Grotto down your local shopping centre.

Agree. Most dc realise by year 5 at least. Ds2 told me they all talked about it in year 6, last year of primary.

Please tell me she doesn't want to go in the queue for Santa's Grotto down your local shopping centre.

So bloody what if she does? It doesn't affect anyone here, doesn't harm anyone, and it's between the niece and her mum.

When DD1 was about 8 she walked in on a discussion that DH and I were having ( the local priest had told the children in the RC school that F. Christmas wasn’t real). “Oh,” said Dd in a lamentably poor acting display, “Father Christmas isn’t real?” I pointed out to her that she was already fully aware of this as she had read several books which made it very clear. She laughed and agreed.

If a child reads, by 8 or 9 they know.

Agree there are some really shitty comments on here.

I told my daughter in year 6 as we didn't want her going up to secondary school still believing. She was 11 and fully believed. Perhaps because she had a younger siblings, all her friends at school were eldest siblings, we live in a rural market town, so she wasn't steetwise generally, and often still watched CBeebies with her younger sister.

DD2 had worked it by the time she had turned 11, but she's the youngest.

Oh and yes, DD is perfectly cognitively normal. She's currently studying for her A levels, after getting a lovely set of GCSE results. She just loved the whole Christmas myth.

Our two told us that they had pretended to still believe from about 8 because we seemed very happy that they did!

DD was probably 9 or 10 when she told me that she liked to believe the message from Rise of the Giardians that non-belief would result in the disappearance of magic, and "it wouldn't be right to spoil the magic for others".

@Gemma2019

Yes I completely agree with you OP but I've noticed that it's an unpopular opinion on here

I don't know why. Nobody believed in Father Christmas once they got past six when I was a child. What's the problem? 'He' doesn't exist.

I am not sure that the op should be the one to tell her niece what is the plain truth but I also doubt her niece does still believe; she is probably entering into the spirit of it to please her mother.