To think it's unfair to let your child believe in Father Christmas once they start secondary school

[Lavenderteal271]

My niece is 12 and still firmly believes. She started secondary school in September. My sister won't tell her the truth and DN isn't questioning it. I thought she was maybe just going along with it but my DS was chatting to her and she does genuinely still think its all real.

I think my sister should tell her, I think she's setting her up to be bullied. AIBU?

A mum in DS1's Reception class made an announcement in the playground that Father Christmas didn't exist.

She was a lone parent and annoyed that her child had been 'constantly exposed to unreasonable expectations from his peers'

In the same week a dinner lady told a child that Jesus was a myth.

It was a Church of England school.

Depends on the child and the school.

For what it is worth my DS2 knew two years before (age 3) as he stayed up all night proving it was a myth.

The point the OP made about her niece already having been bullied made it more important I think that she is advised that Father Christmas isn't real and is for young children (or however you think it should be explained). The OP is justifiably concerned about further bullying.

There’s some irony in a Roman Catholic priest saying Santa doesn’t exist!

I don't think my, now 18yr old ever believed. It wasn't a belief I was brought up with, so didn't actively encourage it with my DS.

I think he's survived.

Seems a bit strange. My 5 year old has been asking if he's real or not already.

I'm astounded she's got to this point without finding out the truth from her primary school classmates?

My 2 with autism ,never believed it from the start..they go along with it to keep me happy ,with lots of ,yeah right if you say so mum....never got a tooth fairy or an Easter bunny past them either ..no sense of imagination in the slightest

Plenty of academic adults believe in a god of some kind.
I'm not really seeing why we should expect any dc over the age of six to have no belief in the existence of Santa.

I can’t get my head around that a 12 year old hasn’t realised... I would be really, really questioning my parenting if mine would still believe at that age.

The 12yo might not actually believe but just be playing along to keep the fun with her mum. I’d be really surprised to meet a child that age who believed in Santa.

Also, wouldn’t she have twigged at that age from films/television? I can’t think of anything specifically but I’m sure there are loads of scenes in tv where a dad dresses as Santa/parents wrap presents and pretend they’re from Santa.

My 13 and 11 year olds are playing along good and proper. They like the rituals and pretence and although 13 didn’t write a Santa letter last year (a list instead), the reindeer still get carrots etc. Nobody wants to spoil the fun, but they know. They just do t want us to know they know (partly out of fear of losing presents I’m sure!)

@Fi57 and @ilikebooksandplants that’s the spirit! I’ll bet Christmas round at yours is good fun :)

I’m sorry I cannot accept that NT children at secondary genuinely still believe?! They are having you on...

All kids are different, and hey, wouldnt it be nice if he actually did, or they just put on that they hadn't realised yet.

Leave space for a bit of magic in the world.

I wouldn't let my child go to secondary school still believing, but nor would I just say 'by the way, he's not real'. I'd go down the route of saying things like 'Santa' is more like a metaphor for love, kindness and giving, and as you get older you'll have to take on some of the responsibility to keep that kindness alive, whether that's by not spoiling it for younger children, or playing 'Santa' yourself when you have your own children.

I still get presents from 'Santa' and probably will as long as my parents are alive, but I've not believed since I was 5 after walking in on my parents with the presents.

I do agree though that it would be unkind for a 12yo to go to high school still believing, as it's the kind of thing that you could get bullied for, and it could absolutely stick with you for years.

And for all the people who are astounded that a 12yo can believe in a magic man bringing presents.. do any of you believe in God? I'll leave you with that one ..

In fact there's more bloody evidence for 'Santa' than there is for God - even if as you get older you realise your parents planted it all, ha ha.

Are you sure she isn't pretending to get more presents? My parents were pissed when they found out I'd been doing that for several years.

We broke it to DS 11 (year 7) last week as didn't want to tell him closer to Christmas. He was devastated and sobbed for half an hour. Hasn't mentioned it since. I think previously he had just accepted it without thinking too deeply about it. Whereas his sister (aged 9) asked me last year (with a smirk) why Santa has the same wrapping paper as us, so I am hoping to avoid a rerun of the big conversation with her.

let her be, people believe what they want to believe and when its harmless and not being crammed down others throats then its no one elses business to police what someone wants to believe in

People think the world is flat, that little green aliens orbit the earth, that starsigns effect your personality, that ghosts exist, that the queen is a lizard, 9/11 and the holocaust are hoaxes, 5G causes covid and vaccines cause autism etc... basically some wild shit way worse than father xmas

@ohnothisagain

I can’t get my head around that a 12 year old hasn’t realised... I would be really, really questioning my parenting if mine would still believe at that age.

Really? FFS.

@MrsJBaptiste yes. if a neurotypical 12 year old hasn’t realised that reindeer don’t fly, and that a strange man coming into the house to bring presents is incredibly unlikely, they haven’t developed any ability to think. that is deeply worrying.
Similar to believing in unicorns, 5 g causing covid etc.We are talking about a 12 year old, not a 5 year old.
i personally don’t believe in convincing kids that unicorns etc are true (a 8 year old in my son’s school had a full on sobbing tantrum as she found out unicorns aren’t actual real animals...).

Are you sure she isn't pretending to get more presents? My parents were pissed when they found out I'd been doing that for several years.

Not just that. My brother (he was about 9 I was about 7) asked me one Xmas morning as we were both showing each other what Santa had brought if I thought Santa was real.

We had a short discussion that we had both been pretending for a couple of years, we then decided Mum and Dad would prefer we still believed, so we carried on because they seemed to enjoy us believing.

Dd2 is 12 I cannot imagine her or any of her peers still genuinely believing - they know it’s Christmas magic for younger children. it would be pretty odd if they did tbh.

To be honest we have a few pupils who believe in Father Christmas in year 7 and you’d be surprised by just how tolerant most pupils can be to this.

Of course you get the odd one who’ll take the mick and tall them he isn’t real - but then the secrets out isn’t it.

My sister believed in Father Christmas until she was in year 9!