To think this gift wasn’t offensive?

[Steppingonpegg]

So it’s been a hard 18 months. One of the things is DC age 3 has been diagnosed with autism. I’ve found it hard, everyone has been upset and confused but we’re getting there. I’m his biggest fan, biggest advocate of course. It’s getting easier, slowly.

I got DMIL a gift. It’s a key ring that says ‘We’re just Dancing In The Dark’. You, me, all of us. Love your Steven’ (DC isn’t actually a Steven for the record )

Anyway, MIL took it out at her birthday tea and said ‘oh’. Lovely. Then I thought nothing of it and thought she hasn’t read it properly. She’s a Springsteen fan like myself.

Got home later that evening and she’s text H to say how could nobody get her anything proper this year. Where are her usual flowers? She said ‘you know I don’t like gifts. That’s why I just say get flowers. I’m shocked you think so little of me’.

AIBU to think our gift was nice and not at all uncaring? I felt so sad she didn’t see the message behind it

I'd get H to message her back, explain the present and leave it at that.

No she's being bratty.
I would find a shitty bunch of petrol station flowers and drop them off on her doorstep and then leave the gift buying to her darling son from now on.

You just got her a key ring? Regardless of the message on it I think I would have a least got a bunch of supermarket flowers to go with it for her.

Thanks. I really thought she’d like it and appreciate the words

On the plus side, she contacted her own son and is not burdening you with nonsense.

A bit weird, but let him deal with it. If she really didn't like gifts, she wouldn't be making a fuss about having flowers. She is not making any sense at all.

Of course your gift wasn't uncaring! At best she is being childish because she wanted flowers

Sorry forget to add, we got her a box of her favourite chocolate too. Those red Lindor ones

She had about 5 bunches of flowers at her tea when I got there! I did feel relieved at first, thinking when I gave her a gift she may feel differently

She sounds like the MIL on Everybody loves Raymond. She likes what she likes and what you hoped was a thoughtful gift just wasn't what she wanted.

There's no pleasing some people.

In MILs shoes I’d like to think I’d have the good grace not to say anything, but yes I think a key ring is a pretty rubbish gift, regardless of the sentiment. Fine if you’d got it as a separate gift from DC, but if you know she likes flowers then you could have at least got her a nice bunch to make her happy on her birthday IMO.

I know she likes what she likes and I’ve always accepted that, it’s just I thought this might bypass that since it was very special, at least I thought

She had about 5 bunches of flowers at her tea

So at least 5 other friends/family members got the memo that what she likes is flowers 🤷🏼‍♀️

For what it’s worth, the keyring was ‘presented’ in a lovely little box, and it has real silver on. No rubbish that’ll turn green etc. She also got her favourite chocolates as I say

I mean, if she always says get flowers because they are easy and she enjoys them i understand her being pissed off really.

A keyring and a box of chocolates isn't the best gift for a close family member. Also if she likes flowers get her flowers! The gift is for her not you.

Mmm I’m split. I get that you were trying to do a nice thing but a gift is for the receiver not the sender. If you knew she didn’t like gifts and preferred flowers then I think you should have stuck with that and then maybe got a personalised Moonpig card with your message on it.

I would be a bit if I received a keyring as a gift (regardless of what is written on it) however I wouldn’t show or mention it to the person giving it to me

Also I think a keyring is something kids give each other, not grown adults. So fine from your son but not from everyone.

Does she understand the message on it? What does it mean about all of you dancing in the dark? Is it to do with your son’s autism?

Garage flowers every time from now on. And let dh get them..

I would also think my mil would be underwhelmed by a key ring and supermarket chocolates on birthday.

I can understand your thinking, but a keyring is a bit underwhelming unless its significantly meaningful and it sounds like it just wasnt as meaningful to her as it was to you.

I always get her flowers usually. Have never ever not. Usually also get her a voucher for her favourite department store too, which goes down well. It wasn’t ‘just a key ring’. It was really thought out and I thought would be treasured, not some bit of cheap tat I picked up for £3.

I mean, if she always says get flowers because they are easy and she enjoys them i understand her being pissed off really.

I like vouchers or my usual face stuff as gifts from DH. Last year he didn’t get that and instead did something else he thought I’d love. I didn’t really like it loads but I wouldn’t have stropped to him or not at least acknowledged how thoughtful it was

I don’t think either of you are being unreasonable. You tried something different; it failed. Better to know, rather than waste your money on similar gifts in future years.

It just makes it easier for future gifts - flowers, no thought needed!

I think a key ring is an awful present for a birthday.

Nice and thoughtful for an out of the blue thing but not for a birthday.

I got one for a birthday a few years ago and would have rather had nothing. I didn't say anything and I don't know why. It just felt like, is this all you think of me? I'm worth a key ring to you.

It sounds bratty and usually I'm grateful for anything but it really didn't make me feel nice

She must get the message. Because she’s been pissed before and had a little cry that this song reminds her of my son. I teared up and that moment meant a lot to me. I thought to sentimental value would mean a lot to her too

Yes it wasn’t flowers but it was probably worth more. SIL got her a cheap bunch from Asda and they went down very well with a big ‘these are lovely!’ At least